(no subject)

[laandaluza]

this week
hasn't started off
so smoothly.

i had my
second therapy
appointment
yesterday.
and there i was,
faced with
words followed by
a sound so awful
and upsetting
to my ears.
words i never
wanted to have to hear
coming out of my mouth.

i think my life
as i know it
has just stopped.

"I think we need to spend some time to deconstruct..."

i agree.
though
i feel i'm prematurely
unraveling...
and all too quickly.
i'm being pulled apart
at the seams
by my mind
and my soul,
by my past
and my future.
and the moments seem
to have no end,
yet they are too short
to grasp or
to find comfort in.

all i want
is a genuine
embrace.

no,
what i want
is a different life
that i haven't
fucked up for myself.

we start off so fresh,
to be put into a great world
of beauty and grace
and our parents have
such high hopes for us
to make that ours.
but we are brought into this
only to come out
tarnished, beaten, and unfortunate.

second chances don't truly exist
because our eyes would much rather
see the black and white.