Some brain functioning restored?
I'm tired today. Have a cold or something. Spent most of the night with thick nasal drip that wouldn't allow me to sleep, and Kleenex stuffed up my nose because it was congested.
Called the pharmacist this morning and he tells me that most of the OTC meds have interactions with my medication, so all I can use is saline spray and steroid spray. No decongestants or antihistamines. A little late - already took hydroxyzine last night. It was supposed to be a double hitter, as my psychiatrist prescribed it for sleep, though it only ever knocked me out once, and it didn't even relax me last night.
The last couple days something has changed. I finally hit 0.125 mg risperidone, almost off of it. The first morning after lowering the dose, I woke up with the motivation to wash dishes. Then later that day I noticed I was more "present" for a condo viewing. Then the next day I wanted to wash dishes again, could actually think and talk at coffee with my mom and her cousin, and was again even more "present" for yet another condo viewing. And after the viewing, my mom and I spent a long time looking at condos online, and I was really thinking about them, really going through not just the prices, but the condo fees, the taxes, what amenities are included, etc., thinking about the things I like and things I don't like about it place. (We haven't found the right condo yet despite months of searching.)
Then last night my mind starting having thoughts, started having the capacity to think about things and bounce around again.
I hope this isn't just a temporary effect of lowering the risperidone. I hope this lasts.
I'm very tired today but I made an apple crisp! Take that, "low-functioning"!
It's kind of cruel, though, this concept of "high" and "low" functioning. Even the notion that "functioning" is the way we talk about ourselves. Why don't we talk about wholeness, intactness, ability to connect to life and have a sense of meaning and initiative? Instead it's about "meeting goals". I don't want to "meet goals" unless that also means I am in possession of the faculties needed to even want to meet those goals. Doing things and not getting any reward out of them and barely being able to "function" enough to do things is not my idea of a good time, yet that has been the position I have been put in for years.
My brain feels less compromised today, that's for sure. I am able to make some verbal arguments again. And the apple crisp will be done soon.