[fic] Gentle Lie AoixUruha, ReitaxRuki 03/??
Title: Gentle Lie
Chapters: 03/??
Author: la_whoa
[Beta:] cherryrazor
Pairing: AoixUruha, ReitaxRuki, maybe others
Genre: Angsty Romance Smut... I think that covers it.
Warnings: Graphic sex acts, manxman, violence, ANGST
Rating: Hard R-NC-17 overall
Disclaimer: The boys are all humping under my bed!! Do not Own GazettE or anything other then my own sick twisted little mind!
Synopsis: The band may fall apart just because some one made all the wrong choices while trying to protect some one's feelings.
Comment:This is my first Chapter story so please be gentle! Thanks to sprinkledonut, zalphene, and my Beta cherryrazor! Comments are <3
01
02
Aoi's fingers lightly touched the strings of Uruha's guitar as he watched frozen to the spot on the floor like his feet had been glued down there. He listened as the ice in the glass Uruha was holding tinkled against the sides with the blonde’s trembling.
"I remember when I bought this guitar for you. You loved it so much. Your eyes sparkled when you saw it." Aoi stated while his eye moved from Uruha to watch his fingers trace the swirled pattern of flowers and vines on the pick guard of the guitar. "Seeing you like that made me feel almost the same as the first time I kissed you. Like my heart had run away somewhere and left my body totally numb. That's why I bought it for you, because I loved seeing you so happy. Because making you happy made me even happier." Aoi continued to watch his fingers trace the pattern as if it were some one else's hand not his own. Uruha just stood there looking at Aoi. Try to figure out when the screaming would start. He was just too calm.
"Vintage 1963 Gibson J200..." Aoi said almost to himself. "You love this thing. It makes me wonder what or who else you might love aside from me. Seems like you give your love out pretty freely these days." Aoi returned his hand to the peg he was torturing before and slowly started twisting it again. Uruha felt a small shudder race through his body as the string started to whine again.
"It's funny how much stress you can put on something until it finally can't take it any more." Aoi gave the peg another twist. "It will complain and stretch as much as it can to accommodate whatever is being asked of it...." The sound the string was making was getting higher and higher as Aoi spoke and twisted the little silver peg.
"Until one day it just snaps..." Aoi gave the peg a particularly sharp twist that made Uruha jump because of the sudden movement and sharp sound. The guitar wailed. "... and when that happens there's no saving it. There's no way the something will ever be the same again."
The sound the string was making now combined with the slow calm pace of Aoi's voice was making Uruha almost nauseous and caused him to visibly shudder.
"Yeah you might be able to repair it or even replace it. But it's never gonna be the same again. You'll always know what happened and that it's not exactly the way it used to be." Smirking slightly Aoi twisted the peg again.
"I never complained. I always stretched and did everything I could to make things work... Maybe if I would have complained or made a noise once in awhile you wouldn't have felt like you had to go to some one else." Aoi looked up at Uruha, his eyes flashed completely black for a moment before he went back to eliciting the shrieks of pain from the guitar.
Uruha took a deep breath wanting to say something, but his mouth just opened and closed. He couldn't form words because of the thoughts that were now running rampant in his head. Should he be scared or relieved that Aoi was being this calm? Should he move closer and sit down or stay where he was? But Aoi cut into his thoughts before he could move or come to any decision.
"It's amazing the sounds that a guitar string can make.... Love. Hate. Rage. Sorrow. Happiness." Aoi said with a shrug. Uruha studied his face. He didn't even look like the same man he had known for so long. His eyes were black. His skin was as white as a snow dove. His hair didn't even dance in the light the way it usually did. This was not his Aoi. This was someone totally different then the man that had been so tender towards him. That listened to him bitch about stupid little things. The man that had made passionate love to him so many times.
"This sound...” Aoi twisted the peg hard again. "…Is definitely pain. It's almost like torture to me to do this to a guitar, you know? But it's the only sound I can think of that would go with the mood right now." The brunette was talking to himself now as he slowly twisted the peg listening to the painful screams the instrument gave in return. "It's like the sound is coming form m-..." His sentence was cut short by a loud snap as the string broke. It whipped up and snapped across Aoi's cheek leaving an angry cut.
Uruha watched in horror. Aoi didn't move. He didn't even blink. All that had happened was that Aoi didn't finish his thought. Uruha knew how much that hurt. He dropped the glass, barely hearing the loud crash as it hit the floor and the broken pieces danced across the floor, he ran to kneel in front of Aoi. Cupping Aoi's face in his hands he looked at the cut on Aoi's pale cheek.
"Are you ok Aoi? Let me get you a towel or something. I think that might need stitches!" Uruha tilted Aoi's head so he could see the cut in the light.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Aoi pushed Uruha's hands away and stood up, placing the guitar ever so gently back on its stand.
"At least let me get something for that!" Uruha stood up too and walked to the kitchen to get a towel. The blood was now running down Aoi's cheek and dripping into his shirt. Aoi watched as the drops seemed to become part of the material as it absorbed.
Uruha hurried to the kitchen and started a frantic search for something that would help stop the bleeding. He threw open drawers and cabinets like he was in someone else's kitchen and not his own. He finally found what seemed like a clean towel.
"This looks like it will be good enough Aoi!" Uruha yelled to the living room as he turned to see that Aoi was actually standing almost too close to him. A faint "Oh." was all that escaped Uruha at Aoi's sudden closeness.
Aoi seemed to be in his own world again. He stood in the kitchen looking at something on the counter as blood continued to streak down his face. Uruha followed Aoi's eyes to the knife block that was set on the counter and before he had a chance to even wonder what the elder was thinking Aoi reached out and grabbed the biggest knife in the block. His other hand found its way to Uruha's throat and pushed him against the wall. The blonde’s back hit the wall with a thud and in the blink of an eye the knife was pressed against his throat.
"Why couldn't you just love me?" Aoi hissed. "Why was it that I was always doing everything for you? I was always worried about you and what you would think. I bent over backwards for you and whenever you called I was never more then 10 minutes away." Aoi's eyes were barely slits now and they seemed to pierce through Uruha's mind. His skin seemed even paler with the crimson blood in contrast. Uruha was scared now. He knew that Aoi was unpredictable when he was angry, but he never thought he was capable if this. The knife was pressed so hard against his skin that he didn't want to swallow for fear of it cutting into his throat.
"I never asked anything of you except for your friendship and loyalty. I didn't even ask you to fake loving me! I just wanted you to let me love you!" Aoi's eyes were so black now that Uruha thought he could see his own reflection perfectly in them. He realized that he looked even more scared than he felt if that were possible.
"I...I'm... I'm sorry." Uruha whispered.
"Sorry? I'll show you sorry." Aoi hissed again and pushed the knife against Uruha's skin harder.
"Please... Don't!" Uruha's lips moved, but he made no sound. Aoi suddenly let out a loud growling noise, took the knife away from Uruha's neck and pulled the knife above his head. Uruha watched as the blade reflected the light as Aoi started to bring the knife back down fast.
He's actually going to kill me! Uruha thought. He squeezed his eyes shut waiting for the stabbing pain he knew was coming. He heard a loud thunk and felt a vibration in the wall behind him.
"Why couldn't you just let me love you?" Aoi's voice was shaking and barely audible.
Uruha's eyes snapped open. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the knife standing straight out of the wall not inches from his head.
Aoi's fingers squeezed a little tighter around Uruha's throat before letting go. The brunette’s face showed only sorrow now. Even the places the crimson touched looked sad. Aoi turned and walked out of the kitchen. Uruha stood against the wall frozen in fear as he watched him walk out the front door of his apartment. The instant the door closed Uruha's legs finally gave out and he slid down the wall, crumpled into a ball on the floor and started to sob.
~*~
Ruki dug in his pocket for his keys. When he found them he unlocked the door in front of him... Reita's door. He had been calling the bassist most of the afternoon and when he couldn't get him to answer he decided to drag Uruha out for a few drinks and to hopefully clear his head a bit. After a long evening of talking and a little drinking and a lot of thinking he had decided to just go over to Reita's apartment. He had a key after all and the worse that could happen was Reita would yell at him and tell him to leave.
Pushing the door open Ruki peeked around the door and said a meek "Hello?" Before the word had even left his lips he had to hurry to get the door closed again as a vase that was aimed at his head smashed against the other side of the door accompanied with a harsh "GET OUT!"
Ruki pushed the door open again and slipped inside to small cubby hole beside the front door. "I think we should talk Rei-chan." Ruki ducked as a plate smashed against the door where the vase had landed earlier.
"Don't give me that bullshit Ruki! Rei-chan! HA! Like you care about me at all!" Another cup flew towards the door.
"Are you going to let me come in and talk to you or am I going to have to wait until you run out of dishes?" Ruki yelled as he covered his face when the cup hit the door. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this!" He waited for a minute in silence. After a moment he heard what sounded like one of Reita's bowls being set down on the kitchen counter. Ruki slowly poked his head out of his hiding place and looked down the hall to see that it was all clear. Moving from his place by the door Ruki slowly walked down the short hallway, watching for any sign of a glass, bowl, plate, or even wooden spoon flying at his head. As he moved into the entrance to Reita's kitchen Ruki could see the bassist back as he leaned against the counter, hands flat against the shiny black tiles. "I tried to call before I came over." Ruki paused in the doorway.
"I know." Reita almost growled.
"If you would have answered we could have talked over the phone."
"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to talk to you? Or that maybe I didn't want to see you?" Reita talked to the wall.
Ruki could hear the hurt in the elder man's voice and could see his shoulders shaking slightly as he stood there propped up on the counter. Ruki was torn between running away and running to Reita. If he ran away it would be much easier for the moment, but later when the guilt set in he wouldn't be able to live with himself. If he ran to Reita it would be hard, but then maybe Reita wouldn't hurt as much. Reita still meant a great deal to Ruki. He did love him, but not in the way that Reita needed him to. He loved him like he was a friend and that was exactly what he was. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
Ruki took a few steps towards the bassist. "I'm sorry that you found out this way Reita. I never meant to hurt you."
Reita just shrugged and shook his head.
"I just don't love you the way I used to." Ruki took a few more steps across the tiled floor. He was right behind Reita now. His hand hovered right above the blonde’s shoulder like if he touched the bassist he would either break Reita in his fragile state or Reita would break his face. He wasn't sure. Ruki gently squeezed Reita's shoulder. "I'm sorry."
The bassist did break. His shoulders shook violently as he tired to hold back the sobs in vain. His voice was hoarse when he spoke finally.
"You're sorry? I don't think you should be the one saying sorry. I should be the one saying sorry. I'm sorry I wasted my time. I'm sorry I let my guard down. I'm sorry I thought there where people in this world that actually cared about me!"
"I do care about you Reita!" Ruki placed his other hand on Reita's other shoulder and turned him around. Reita's face was streaked with tears. He looked like he hadn't stopped crying all afternoon. Ruki studied his face. The look in his eyes was not anger or sadness. It was hurt. Pure hurt. It killed Ruki to see Reita like that.
"Then why don't you love me anymore? Did I do something wrong? What should I do to fix it?" Reita searched Ruki's face with his sad eyes for an answer.
"You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing you can do to fix it. There's nothing broken. It's just that we've grown apart. We're different people than we used to be. Things just aren't the same anymore. I still care about you very, very much and I wouldn't trade the time we had together for the world Rei." Ruki stroked the blonde’s cheek lovingly.
"I don't understand Ruki... How can you feel like that when I still love you so much?" Reita’s eyes started to well up with tears again. Ruki pulled Reita in and held him against his chest as he started to cry again.
"I don't know why it happened, Rei. I just know that it did happen. People fall in and out of love everyday. We just fell out I guess." Ruki petted Reita's hair and kissed the top of his head. Reita stayed there close to Ruki's chest listening to Ruki's heart pound against his ear. After a few moments Reita pulled away to look Ruki in the eyes again. Taking a deep breath Reita leaned in until his lips were just centimeters away from Ruki's.
"I still love you." He pressed his lips against Ruki's familiar full mouth. Slowly kissing the mouth he knew so well.
At first Ruki stood there like a stone statue. This was probably the last thing Ruki expected Reita to do tonight. As Reita moved his lips against Ruki's, Ruki slowly gave into the kiss. Reita's mouth was his favorite part of the bassist body and if he was still in love with any part of Reita it was his mouth. Ruki parted his lips when he felt Reita nip at his bottom lip. Reita's hands tangled in the shorter man's hair as he slipped his tongue past Ruki's full lips. He kissed Ruki with all the love in his body. Reita's mouth then moved to Ruki's jaw and then to his earlobe. He gently pulled on the pierced flesh with his teeth causing Ruki to groan a little deep in his chest. Reita knew exactly what to do to make the shorter man melt. He worked his way slowly down to the juncture of Ruki's neck and shoulder. He sucked and nipped at the skin there eliciting another groan from Ruki as he moved his hips against Ruki's now growing erection.
Reita was trying to make Ruki see that he was still in love with him no matter what it took. He moved his hips against Ruki's as his hands traveled under Ruki's shirt and toyed with his nipples.
Ruki sucked in a harsh breath. He pressed Reita back against the counter and moved his hips in return against the bassist's. Reita's mouth returned to Ruki's ear and he whispered gently in his ear.
"I still love you."
Ruki pushed himself away from Reita. "Stop! I can't do this. It's not fair to you."
Reita looked at him puzzled.
"I can't lead you on like this. I just don't love you anymore. It's not fair for me to lead you on. I care about you but...”
"Then just go! If I'm not enough for you, go! I'm used to it. I'm a big boy, I'll get over it." Reita interrupted Ruki. Ruki searched Reita's face before the bassist's yells broke through his thoughts again.
"GET OUT! GO!" another bowl hit the wall behind Ruki.
Ruki turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Pausing at the front door he looked down the hallway as Reita leaned against the door to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Reita. That's all I can say." Ruki opened the front door and walked into the hallway not wanting to see the hurt expression on Reita's face again and pulled the door shut behind him leaving Reita alone in his apartment again.
~*~
As Kai turned his car around the corner he saw a dark blue car pulling out of the parking lot of Uruha's apartment building, heading away from the corner he had just turned.
"Shit he's been here and is leaving already? I hope Uruha hasn't been home yet."
There weren't many dark blue BMW Z9s in town and only one that had the black rims and extremely dark tint on the windows like that car did. That one car was the same car Kai had practically shoved Aoi into earlier that day. That car could be no one else’s, but Aoi's.
Kai swallowed hard as he pulled into a parking spot. He looked up to the floor he knew Uruha lived on. There was only one light on, on that floor and Kai was pretty sure it was Uruha's apartment. Kai walked to through the doors and up the stairs of the building. He just hoped that Aoi hadn't completely trashed Uruha's house. With any luck Uruha would at least have a mattress to sleep on tonight. When he reached Uruha's floor Kai walked down the hall to Uruha's door. He knocked gently. He waited for what seemed like forever. There was no answer.
"Good he hasn't been home yet. Maybe I can clean up a little before he Uruha gets here." God only knows what Aoi had done in Uruha's house with all the rage and anger that was pumping through his system. Kai fiddled with his keys until he found the one to Uruha's door. Uruha had given it to him ages ago for ’I-got-really-drunk-and-lost-my-keys-and-now-its-4am-and-I'm-calling-Kai' emergencies. Kai smiled a little as he let himself in at the thought of how the last time there was such an emergency Uruha had also lost everything except his underwear and a guitar pick.
Kai pushed the door open and stepped in. He kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly by the pile of Uruha's that was always there still giggling to himself a bit. He looked into the living room. It didn't seem like anything was out of place. Just the usual. Dirty sock stuffed between the cushions on the couch and a fast food wrapper on the coffee table.
"Nothing more than what's ever messed up here. Except you." Kai saw the glass and ice on the floor in a puddle. Where does Uruha keep his dustpan and broom? Does he have a dustpan and broom? Kai chuckled to himself as he walked into the kitchen.
As he entered the room he saw Uruha laying on the floor looking at him. He didn't move a muscle or say a word, but his eyes told the whole story.
"Uruha!" Kai gasped. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
"I'm not hurt. Aoi was here." Uruha spoke with a shaky voice.
"What happened?" Kai was helping Uruha off the floor now and into a near by chair.
"He talked to Reita I think." Uruha wiped his tears on the back of his hand and took a deep breath.
"And???" Kai wasn't getting enough details from Uruha for his liking.
"And.... I think he was pissed??" Uruha pointed to the knife that was still sticking out of the wall. "I think I may have messed up a bit."
Design
Chapters: 03/??
Author: la_whoa
[Beta:] cherryrazor
Pairing: AoixUruha, ReitaxRuki, maybe others
Genre: Angsty Romance Smut... I think that covers it.
Warnings: Graphic sex acts, manxman, violence, ANGST
Rating: Hard R-NC-17 overall
Disclaimer: The boys are all humping under my bed!! Do not Own GazettE or anything other then my own sick twisted little mind!
Synopsis: The band may fall apart just because some one made all the wrong choices while trying to protect some one's feelings.
Comment:This is my first Chapter story so please be gentle! Thanks to sprinkledonut, zalphene, and my Beta cherryrazor! Comments are <3
01
02
Aoi's fingers lightly touched the strings of Uruha's guitar as he watched frozen to the spot on the floor like his feet had been glued down there. He listened as the ice in the glass Uruha was holding tinkled against the sides with the blonde’s trembling.
"I remember when I bought this guitar for you. You loved it so much. Your eyes sparkled when you saw it." Aoi stated while his eye moved from Uruha to watch his fingers trace the swirled pattern of flowers and vines on the pick guard of the guitar. "Seeing you like that made me feel almost the same as the first time I kissed you. Like my heart had run away somewhere and left my body totally numb. That's why I bought it for you, because I loved seeing you so happy. Because making you happy made me even happier." Aoi continued to watch his fingers trace the pattern as if it were some one else's hand not his own. Uruha just stood there looking at Aoi. Try to figure out when the screaming would start. He was just too calm.
"Vintage 1963 Gibson J200..." Aoi said almost to himself. "You love this thing. It makes me wonder what or who else you might love aside from me. Seems like you give your love out pretty freely these days." Aoi returned his hand to the peg he was torturing before and slowly started twisting it again. Uruha felt a small shudder race through his body as the string started to whine again.
"It's funny how much stress you can put on something until it finally can't take it any more." Aoi gave the peg another twist. "It will complain and stretch as much as it can to accommodate whatever is being asked of it...." The sound the string was making was getting higher and higher as Aoi spoke and twisted the little silver peg.
"Until one day it just snaps..." Aoi gave the peg a particularly sharp twist that made Uruha jump because of the sudden movement and sharp sound. The guitar wailed. "... and when that happens there's no saving it. There's no way the something will ever be the same again."
The sound the string was making now combined with the slow calm pace of Aoi's voice was making Uruha almost nauseous and caused him to visibly shudder.
"Yeah you might be able to repair it or even replace it. But it's never gonna be the same again. You'll always know what happened and that it's not exactly the way it used to be." Smirking slightly Aoi twisted the peg again.
"I never complained. I always stretched and did everything I could to make things work... Maybe if I would have complained or made a noise once in awhile you wouldn't have felt like you had to go to some one else." Aoi looked up at Uruha, his eyes flashed completely black for a moment before he went back to eliciting the shrieks of pain from the guitar.
Uruha took a deep breath wanting to say something, but his mouth just opened and closed. He couldn't form words because of the thoughts that were now running rampant in his head. Should he be scared or relieved that Aoi was being this calm? Should he move closer and sit down or stay where he was? But Aoi cut into his thoughts before he could move or come to any decision.
"It's amazing the sounds that a guitar string can make.... Love. Hate. Rage. Sorrow. Happiness." Aoi said with a shrug. Uruha studied his face. He didn't even look like the same man he had known for so long. His eyes were black. His skin was as white as a snow dove. His hair didn't even dance in the light the way it usually did. This was not his Aoi. This was someone totally different then the man that had been so tender towards him. That listened to him bitch about stupid little things. The man that had made passionate love to him so many times.
"This sound...” Aoi twisted the peg hard again. "…Is definitely pain. It's almost like torture to me to do this to a guitar, you know? But it's the only sound I can think of that would go with the mood right now." The brunette was talking to himself now as he slowly twisted the peg listening to the painful screams the instrument gave in return. "It's like the sound is coming form m-..." His sentence was cut short by a loud snap as the string broke. It whipped up and snapped across Aoi's cheek leaving an angry cut.
Uruha watched in horror. Aoi didn't move. He didn't even blink. All that had happened was that Aoi didn't finish his thought. Uruha knew how much that hurt. He dropped the glass, barely hearing the loud crash as it hit the floor and the broken pieces danced across the floor, he ran to kneel in front of Aoi. Cupping Aoi's face in his hands he looked at the cut on Aoi's pale cheek.
"Are you ok Aoi? Let me get you a towel or something. I think that might need stitches!" Uruha tilted Aoi's head so he could see the cut in the light.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Aoi pushed Uruha's hands away and stood up, placing the guitar ever so gently back on its stand.
"At least let me get something for that!" Uruha stood up too and walked to the kitchen to get a towel. The blood was now running down Aoi's cheek and dripping into his shirt. Aoi watched as the drops seemed to become part of the material as it absorbed.
Uruha hurried to the kitchen and started a frantic search for something that would help stop the bleeding. He threw open drawers and cabinets like he was in someone else's kitchen and not his own. He finally found what seemed like a clean towel.
"This looks like it will be good enough Aoi!" Uruha yelled to the living room as he turned to see that Aoi was actually standing almost too close to him. A faint "Oh." was all that escaped Uruha at Aoi's sudden closeness.
Aoi seemed to be in his own world again. He stood in the kitchen looking at something on the counter as blood continued to streak down his face. Uruha followed Aoi's eyes to the knife block that was set on the counter and before he had a chance to even wonder what the elder was thinking Aoi reached out and grabbed the biggest knife in the block. His other hand found its way to Uruha's throat and pushed him against the wall. The blonde’s back hit the wall with a thud and in the blink of an eye the knife was pressed against his throat.
"Why couldn't you just love me?" Aoi hissed. "Why was it that I was always doing everything for you? I was always worried about you and what you would think. I bent over backwards for you and whenever you called I was never more then 10 minutes away." Aoi's eyes were barely slits now and they seemed to pierce through Uruha's mind. His skin seemed even paler with the crimson blood in contrast. Uruha was scared now. He knew that Aoi was unpredictable when he was angry, but he never thought he was capable if this. The knife was pressed so hard against his skin that he didn't want to swallow for fear of it cutting into his throat.
"I never asked anything of you except for your friendship and loyalty. I didn't even ask you to fake loving me! I just wanted you to let me love you!" Aoi's eyes were so black now that Uruha thought he could see his own reflection perfectly in them. He realized that he looked even more scared than he felt if that were possible.
"I...I'm... I'm sorry." Uruha whispered.
"Sorry? I'll show you sorry." Aoi hissed again and pushed the knife against Uruha's skin harder.
"Please... Don't!" Uruha's lips moved, but he made no sound. Aoi suddenly let out a loud growling noise, took the knife away from Uruha's neck and pulled the knife above his head. Uruha watched as the blade reflected the light as Aoi started to bring the knife back down fast.
He's actually going to kill me! Uruha thought. He squeezed his eyes shut waiting for the stabbing pain he knew was coming. He heard a loud thunk and felt a vibration in the wall behind him.
"Why couldn't you just let me love you?" Aoi's voice was shaking and barely audible.
Uruha's eyes snapped open. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the knife standing straight out of the wall not inches from his head.
Aoi's fingers squeezed a little tighter around Uruha's throat before letting go. The brunette’s face showed only sorrow now. Even the places the crimson touched looked sad. Aoi turned and walked out of the kitchen. Uruha stood against the wall frozen in fear as he watched him walk out the front door of his apartment. The instant the door closed Uruha's legs finally gave out and he slid down the wall, crumpled into a ball on the floor and started to sob.
~*~
Ruki dug in his pocket for his keys. When he found them he unlocked the door in front of him... Reita's door. He had been calling the bassist most of the afternoon and when he couldn't get him to answer he decided to drag Uruha out for a few drinks and to hopefully clear his head a bit. After a long evening of talking and a little drinking and a lot of thinking he had decided to just go over to Reita's apartment. He had a key after all and the worse that could happen was Reita would yell at him and tell him to leave.
Pushing the door open Ruki peeked around the door and said a meek "Hello?" Before the word had even left his lips he had to hurry to get the door closed again as a vase that was aimed at his head smashed against the other side of the door accompanied with a harsh "GET OUT!"
Ruki pushed the door open again and slipped inside to small cubby hole beside the front door. "I think we should talk Rei-chan." Ruki ducked as a plate smashed against the door where the vase had landed earlier.
"Don't give me that bullshit Ruki! Rei-chan! HA! Like you care about me at all!" Another cup flew towards the door.
"Are you going to let me come in and talk to you or am I going to have to wait until you run out of dishes?" Ruki yelled as he covered his face when the cup hit the door. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk about this!" He waited for a minute in silence. After a moment he heard what sounded like one of Reita's bowls being set down on the kitchen counter. Ruki slowly poked his head out of his hiding place and looked down the hall to see that it was all clear. Moving from his place by the door Ruki slowly walked down the short hallway, watching for any sign of a glass, bowl, plate, or even wooden spoon flying at his head. As he moved into the entrance to Reita's kitchen Ruki could see the bassist back as he leaned against the counter, hands flat against the shiny black tiles. "I tried to call before I came over." Ruki paused in the doorway.
"I know." Reita almost growled.
"If you would have answered we could have talked over the phone."
"Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to talk to you? Or that maybe I didn't want to see you?" Reita talked to the wall.
Ruki could hear the hurt in the elder man's voice and could see his shoulders shaking slightly as he stood there propped up on the counter. Ruki was torn between running away and running to Reita. If he ran away it would be much easier for the moment, but later when the guilt set in he wouldn't be able to live with himself. If he ran to Reita it would be hard, but then maybe Reita wouldn't hurt as much. Reita still meant a great deal to Ruki. He did love him, but not in the way that Reita needed him to. He loved him like he was a friend and that was exactly what he was. A friend. Nothing more, nothing less.
Ruki took a few steps towards the bassist. "I'm sorry that you found out this way Reita. I never meant to hurt you."
Reita just shrugged and shook his head.
"I just don't love you the way I used to." Ruki took a few more steps across the tiled floor. He was right behind Reita now. His hand hovered right above the blonde’s shoulder like if he touched the bassist he would either break Reita in his fragile state or Reita would break his face. He wasn't sure. Ruki gently squeezed Reita's shoulder. "I'm sorry."
The bassist did break. His shoulders shook violently as he tired to hold back the sobs in vain. His voice was hoarse when he spoke finally.
"You're sorry? I don't think you should be the one saying sorry. I should be the one saying sorry. I'm sorry I wasted my time. I'm sorry I let my guard down. I'm sorry I thought there where people in this world that actually cared about me!"
"I do care about you Reita!" Ruki placed his other hand on Reita's other shoulder and turned him around. Reita's face was streaked with tears. He looked like he hadn't stopped crying all afternoon. Ruki studied his face. The look in his eyes was not anger or sadness. It was hurt. Pure hurt. It killed Ruki to see Reita like that.
"Then why don't you love me anymore? Did I do something wrong? What should I do to fix it?" Reita searched Ruki's face with his sad eyes for an answer.
"You didn't do anything wrong. There's nothing you can do to fix it. There's nothing broken. It's just that we've grown apart. We're different people than we used to be. Things just aren't the same anymore. I still care about you very, very much and I wouldn't trade the time we had together for the world Rei." Ruki stroked the blonde’s cheek lovingly.
"I don't understand Ruki... How can you feel like that when I still love you so much?" Reita’s eyes started to well up with tears again. Ruki pulled Reita in and held him against his chest as he started to cry again.
"I don't know why it happened, Rei. I just know that it did happen. People fall in and out of love everyday. We just fell out I guess." Ruki petted Reita's hair and kissed the top of his head. Reita stayed there close to Ruki's chest listening to Ruki's heart pound against his ear. After a few moments Reita pulled away to look Ruki in the eyes again. Taking a deep breath Reita leaned in until his lips were just centimeters away from Ruki's.
"I still love you." He pressed his lips against Ruki's familiar full mouth. Slowly kissing the mouth he knew so well.
At first Ruki stood there like a stone statue. This was probably the last thing Ruki expected Reita to do tonight. As Reita moved his lips against Ruki's, Ruki slowly gave into the kiss. Reita's mouth was his favorite part of the bassist body and if he was still in love with any part of Reita it was his mouth. Ruki parted his lips when he felt Reita nip at his bottom lip. Reita's hands tangled in the shorter man's hair as he slipped his tongue past Ruki's full lips. He kissed Ruki with all the love in his body. Reita's mouth then moved to Ruki's jaw and then to his earlobe. He gently pulled on the pierced flesh with his teeth causing Ruki to groan a little deep in his chest. Reita knew exactly what to do to make the shorter man melt. He worked his way slowly down to the juncture of Ruki's neck and shoulder. He sucked and nipped at the skin there eliciting another groan from Ruki as he moved his hips against Ruki's now growing erection.
Reita was trying to make Ruki see that he was still in love with him no matter what it took. He moved his hips against Ruki's as his hands traveled under Ruki's shirt and toyed with his nipples.
Ruki sucked in a harsh breath. He pressed Reita back against the counter and moved his hips in return against the bassist's. Reita's mouth returned to Ruki's ear and he whispered gently in his ear.
"I still love you."
Ruki pushed himself away from Reita. "Stop! I can't do this. It's not fair to you."
Reita looked at him puzzled.
"I can't lead you on like this. I just don't love you anymore. It's not fair for me to lead you on. I care about you but...”
"Then just go! If I'm not enough for you, go! I'm used to it. I'm a big boy, I'll get over it." Reita interrupted Ruki. Ruki searched Reita's face before the bassist's yells broke through his thoughts again.
"GET OUT! GO!" another bowl hit the wall behind Ruki.
Ruki turned around and walked out of the kitchen. Pausing at the front door he looked down the hallway as Reita leaned against the door to the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Reita. That's all I can say." Ruki opened the front door and walked into the hallway not wanting to see the hurt expression on Reita's face again and pulled the door shut behind him leaving Reita alone in his apartment again.
~*~
As Kai turned his car around the corner he saw a dark blue car pulling out of the parking lot of Uruha's apartment building, heading away from the corner he had just turned.
"Shit he's been here and is leaving already? I hope Uruha hasn't been home yet."
There weren't many dark blue BMW Z9s in town and only one that had the black rims and extremely dark tint on the windows like that car did. That one car was the same car Kai had practically shoved Aoi into earlier that day. That car could be no one else’s, but Aoi's.
Kai swallowed hard as he pulled into a parking spot. He looked up to the floor he knew Uruha lived on. There was only one light on, on that floor and Kai was pretty sure it was Uruha's apartment. Kai walked to through the doors and up the stairs of the building. He just hoped that Aoi hadn't completely trashed Uruha's house. With any luck Uruha would at least have a mattress to sleep on tonight. When he reached Uruha's floor Kai walked down the hall to Uruha's door. He knocked gently. He waited for what seemed like forever. There was no answer.
"Good he hasn't been home yet. Maybe I can clean up a little before he Uruha gets here." God only knows what Aoi had done in Uruha's house with all the rage and anger that was pumping through his system. Kai fiddled with his keys until he found the one to Uruha's door. Uruha had given it to him ages ago for ’I-got-really-drunk-and-lost-my-keys-and-now-its-4am-and-I'm-calling-Kai' emergencies. Kai smiled a little as he let himself in at the thought of how the last time there was such an emergency Uruha had also lost everything except his underwear and a guitar pick.
Kai pushed the door open and stepped in. He kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly by the pile of Uruha's that was always there still giggling to himself a bit. He looked into the living room. It didn't seem like anything was out of place. Just the usual. Dirty sock stuffed between the cushions on the couch and a fast food wrapper on the coffee table.
"Nothing more than what's ever messed up here. Except you." Kai saw the glass and ice on the floor in a puddle. Where does Uruha keep his dustpan and broom? Does he have a dustpan and broom? Kai chuckled to himself as he walked into the kitchen.
As he entered the room he saw Uruha laying on the floor looking at him. He didn't move a muscle or say a word, but his eyes told the whole story.
"Uruha!" Kai gasped. "What happened? Are you hurt?"
"I'm not hurt. Aoi was here." Uruha spoke with a shaky voice.
"What happened?" Kai was helping Uruha off the floor now and into a near by chair.
"He talked to Reita I think." Uruha wiped his tears on the back of his hand and took a deep breath.
"And???" Kai wasn't getting enough details from Uruha for his liking.
"And.... I think he was pissed??" Uruha pointed to the knife that was still sticking out of the wall. "I think I may have messed up a bit."
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