Need to rant
If there's nothing I hate more, it's feeling like who I am is being compromised by the whole recovery process. It was so depressing today, finally being able to see the majority of my friends, and not only have some of them not recognize me completely, but also feeling like some kind of freak. I can't do a majority of things they can. I can't play laser tag unti December, I can't lift more than 15 pounds, I can't begin to chew for another 20 days, and even when I can chew, I won't be able to eat something as simple as popcorn until late september! And to only make things worse, I'm so insecure with the way I look right now. I'm losing weight, I'm puffy and swollen, and only maddi had one damn good thing to say about how I look! Diana just looked at me like I had just crawled out from under a rock, kathleen wouldn't even look at me... Do I really look that bad? And to top it off, I hurt all over my face, and have been for about 2 weeks now. Even with the advil, it's still there. The fact y'all were eating popcorn in fribt of me, when a) you know i cant even begin to contemplate chewing, and b) i cant eat the stuff for another 2+ months is just cruel and unusual punishment. And I'm terrified to know what I'm going to look like when the swelling has gone down even more.. what about school too?? are the teachers going to have the same reaction? Not to mention the rest of my classmates. Junior year is going to be hard enough without all this added in. I'm honestly scared.
II don't think I look that much different... Do I?
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