School
I am relieved. We have no Beowulf test tomorrow, as we finished the book over the weekend and have not had a chance to fully discuss the book. Plus Mrs Pilling told me I didn't have to turn in the assignment due tomorrow because she hadn't explained it, I finished my math during rehearsal and I finished my French and physics during study hall. The French assignment was weird though. We read about the proper care of a plant, and that included playing classical music to it, not shouting at it, not cursing at it, ect. It was an odd reading over all, but she better not give us a review over it.
We finally go through the first act of Seussical today, and it truly was a "vomiting of the first act" (words from the lovely Mr D). Altogether, it could have been a lot worse. Given that we have about a month left before opening night, panic is starting to set in and we're rushing to pull it all together. At least we have several strong altos now. And the shirts for the whos are terrible. The sleeves are puffy, but don't encircle the arm... and they only got 2 smalls, and the rest are larges, and that's about a centimeter too small in the chest for me. And I can't do anything about it besides safety pin it together so it doesn't gap. And I get to reprise my waddle again this year. I really think Mrs Betz only keeps me around to be another "guy", because I'm strong enough to lift the other girls (because they're all 90lbs, tiny, and look like they could blow away in the wind.). Yep, I love being known for my "masculine strength", and not for the fact I'm actually female (just because I have a wider rib cage and broad shoulders does not mean that I would occasionally like to actually be treated as a capable girl and do the "girly" things, and not be made to crossdress because I'm put in a roll that a male would typically fill), would like to do something else than waddle or be "one of the guys" and can actually dance enough that I can be in the large dance acts, even if it's nothing big. I get that I'm strong, ok, but why do I have to be always be placed where I'm not supposed to be. I don't get to do anything fun, like be a mermaid, be a pink poodle, or really anything. And do they take our feelings into consideration? I have no say in the matter, even when asked if I would like to do "________", they say "of course you would" before letting me respond, and pat me on the head and send me to the back of the stage.
All this does is convince me to lose between 10-30 lbs by the end of the school year, if not more. There's nothing I can do about my damned bone structure, but I sure as hell can lose enough weight that I'll no longer be the "masculine stand-in". I'm tired of being judged by everyone as being fat because there's nothing I can do about the fact I am actually large boned. I don't care normally what people say, but when teachers start judging me because if it, enough is enough. I will lose the puppy fat that never went away. I will finally be the "thin" daughter my father has always wanted and keeps pressuring me into. I will finally be happy with the way I look and finally stop being told by the doctor I'm "overweight", because I'm short and squat. I've had it after 7 years. I will do this if it kills me.