(no subject)
I had a dream about Matt last night.
no not that Matt. and not that one either. lol.
I dont know why im writing about it.
All my dreams lately have made me so sad.
Like 2 nights ago my dream was me and chan and sara and quel all in a room...kinda a square one...with open glass doors on three sides of the room with flowy curtains. and we were sitting around a table talking about our party lives... drinking and staying out late and stuff.
i guess my dad was outside one of the doors and heard us talking and came in and yelled at us. i guess he was sad because of the kind of life we live, the kind we were talking about.
it made me so sad to think that my dad was disappointed in me.
Anyway back to the Matt dream. i have no idea what it was about just that he was in it. and that one made me sad because i had the biggest crush on him and i cant remember why he snapped on me one night? the night mike walked me home in the freezing cold. and i totally cried. for like no real reason cos not like i knew him that well anyway. i just thought it would be different you know.
And now im thinking of the other Matt ( the second one...the dream one was the third one) and yesterday i was driving him to the subway and he made a comment about how i wasnt fat when we met. we were talking about how someones mom had said they were fat they should go to the gym. and i said my mom said that to me too but not in such harsh words. and then matt said the fat thing and i know he didnt mean it like that but it made me sad anyway. that whole situation makes me sad. not the fat thing but like my friendship with him...its like...not really there its like so fake. cos as much as id like to think we dont we DO have a history. one that he denies. ugh. so complicated.
Anyway i just had to clear my mind a bit.
no not that Matt. and not that one either. lol.
I dont know why im writing about it.
All my dreams lately have made me so sad.
Like 2 nights ago my dream was me and chan and sara and quel all in a room...kinda a square one...with open glass doors on three sides of the room with flowy curtains. and we were sitting around a table talking about our party lives... drinking and staying out late and stuff.
i guess my dad was outside one of the doors and heard us talking and came in and yelled at us. i guess he was sad because of the kind of life we live, the kind we were talking about.
it made me so sad to think that my dad was disappointed in me.
Anyway back to the Matt dream. i have no idea what it was about just that he was in it. and that one made me sad because i had the biggest crush on him and i cant remember why he snapped on me one night? the night mike walked me home in the freezing cold. and i totally cried. for like no real reason cos not like i knew him that well anyway. i just thought it would be different you know.
And now im thinking of the other Matt ( the second one...the dream one was the third one) and yesterday i was driving him to the subway and he made a comment about how i wasnt fat when we met. we were talking about how someones mom had said they were fat they should go to the gym. and i said my mom said that to me too but not in such harsh words. and then matt said the fat thing and i know he didnt mean it like that but it made me sad anyway. that whole situation makes me sad. not the fat thing but like my friendship with him...its like...not really there its like so fake. cos as much as id like to think we dont we DO have a history. one that he denies. ugh. so complicated.
Anyway i just had to clear my mind a bit.