(no subject)
So I finally found what I want to be when I grow up. I've been interested in industrial design since Dawson, when I had to walk by all those freaky shoes and things made by the industrial design students. Except I'm old, and my real education ship has sailed, so I found a one-year DEP program in drafting. To learn how to use computer assisted design software and draft designers' ideas according to engineers' specifications. Now, in some ways the draftsperson gig is even better than being an actual industrial designer. You've got to figure that most of the time, people are being asked to design things that aren't particularly cool, making the job lame and making the designer responsible for stuff that kind of sucks. The actual drafting will be more interesting regardless of the product.
ANYWAY. My future pretty much came crashing down on my head, because I realized that if I want to be pregnant in the next couple of years, I have to, you know, HAVE A JOB for a year before I can claim my measly 55% mat leave moneys from the govt. And going through school, working for a year at an unreliable starting salary and then popping one out sounds like a horrible way to start a career and get mired in debt. On the other hand, I don't want to sacrifice something I feel I am more than ready to do do NOW for a baby that doesn't even exist yet. Who knows what I will want to do in three years.
Cary Tennis ran a letter this week that may as well have been mined out of my brain: http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/09/30/plotkin_and_adulthood/index.html (well, except for the meds part. I haven't been so lucky--my own doctor won't even give me Valium. He assures me pot will even be legal soon.) Something resonated a bit in the comments. I think I am doing what I'm doing right now (reading feminist blogs all day, getting paid decently for it, but not WORKING or BUILDING anything or going in any DIRECTION) because I am afraid of failure. I feel safe and comfortable with this job but I wouldn't be devastated if I fucked it up beyond all recognition, since I am not doing anything and therefore not losing much of a potential future.
I've also gotten very good at avoiding unpleasant work situations. Once my field is narrowed down my options will be fewer and debt will also be a smallish factor, or a largish factor if MJ dumps me and I don't die as a result. I won't have the luxury of coming and going, like when I was temping, and reverting to clerical work again isn't exactly where I saw myself in my 30s.
I drafted this entry a whiiiiiiiile ago, and I don't have anything to add at the moment, but I realize it seems a bit nowhere-y now. Toobadsosad.
ANYWAY. My future pretty much came crashing down on my head, because I realized that if I want to be pregnant in the next couple of years, I have to, you know, HAVE A JOB for a year before I can claim my measly 55% mat leave moneys from the govt. And going through school, working for a year at an unreliable starting salary and then popping one out sounds like a horrible way to start a career and get mired in debt. On the other hand, I don't want to sacrifice something I feel I am more than ready to do do NOW for a baby that doesn't even exist yet. Who knows what I will want to do in three years.
Cary Tennis ran a letter this week that may as well have been mined out of my brain: http://www.salon.com/mwt/col/tenn/2009/09/30/plotkin_and_adulthood/index.html (well, except for the meds part. I haven't been so lucky--my own doctor won't even give me Valium. He assures me pot will even be legal soon.) Something resonated a bit in the comments. I think I am doing what I'm doing right now (reading feminist blogs all day, getting paid decently for it, but not WORKING or BUILDING anything or going in any DIRECTION) because I am afraid of failure. I feel safe and comfortable with this job but I wouldn't be devastated if I fucked it up beyond all recognition, since I am not doing anything and therefore not losing much of a potential future.
I've also gotten very good at avoiding unpleasant work situations. Once my field is narrowed down my options will be fewer and debt will also be a smallish factor, or a largish factor if MJ dumps me and I don't die as a result. I won't have the luxury of coming and going, like when I was temping, and reverting to clerical work again isn't exactly where I saw myself in my 30s.
I drafted this entry a whiiiiiiiile ago, and I don't have anything to add at the moment, but I realize it seems a bit nowhere-y now. Toobadsosad.