I am half German (half EAST-German, but that’s

Nov 26, 2016 10:35

I am half German (half EAST-German, but that’s another story) through my mom. I still remember her shock the day I expressed one of my deepest truth to her: I am glad my grandfather never came back from the war.

And honestly - I am. I’ve often wondered what it’s been like for younger German people, how they reconciled the people they knew and loved with what they know of concentration camps and the Nazi ideology. My grandfather was a Nazi and I am glad I never knew him - I am glad I never had a chance to love him before I knew what he’d been a part of.

My mom exclaimed, But he was a peaceful man! He loved music! He played the violin!

And the thing is, as unfeeling as it sounds - I don’t care. He was a Nazi. He belonged to the SS. In order to marry him, my grandmother had to jump through complicated hoops - she had to provide an Ahnenpass, an ancestry passport documenting her impeccable lineage, to prove that she wouldn’t soil my grandfather’s descendants with a drop of Jewish blood.

My grandfather belonged to the SS. He died on the Eastern front. The violin is irrelevant here - I never knew him, I never loved him, I don’t feel the need to defend him, i don’t need to try and understand what he did or why he did it. I feel personally lucky that nobody is asking me to compromise and that circumstances aren’t forcing me to try.

(This is not an easy post to write, btw. I don’t talk about this much, I try to not think about it too much - I didn’t expect that it would be so hard to write.)

Without jumping to conclusion regarding Trump, I am aware that again, being on the Canadian side of the border makes things easier for me. I have many Internet friends in the US and not a single one voted for Trump. This is in no way surprising: being in Canada gives me the luxury to chose who I socialize with on the net.

Not everyone has that luxury, and I have the deepest sympathy for all the people in the US who now have to come to terms with the fact that people they love voted for Trump. I have the deepest, heartfelt sympathy for my African American friend, Hispanic friends, queer friends, gender fluid friends, trans friends (and all the other types of friends - so many! So. Many.) who have to deal with the fact that people they know and sometimes love voted for someone who wishes them ill and represents a direct threat for them.

But of course, just because it hasn’t happened yet in Canada doesn’t mean that it never will - it’s happening pretty much everywhere.

This post is a reminder to be careful and vigilant, to always observe the world with a curious, questioning eye because I know, I know, that being a peaceful individual who plays the violin doesn’t necessarily protect you from becoming a monster.

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