Feeling Sorry for Myself ... bitching and whinging ... you have been warned
So yesterday was an intense day.
First of all school routines were all screwed up because it was the last day before the holidays. My school is always somewhat insane before a long holiday because lots of our kids don't want to be away from us for that long. I don't necessarily blame them - we take care of them, give them at least 2 meals a day, we support them and love them and in many cases are better parental figures than their own care takers. So the day before any break is it's own special fun.
Second, one of our students was leaving. A potential success story. He's going to live with mom and going to try public school. We're all excited for him, but he was lovely and he'd been with us for six years through both good and bad and he really was a fixture in our community. He was a leader for good and for mischief. He was smart. He was fun. He was angry. He was, he was, he was. And now he's gone. During his tenth grade year. Tenth grade is really make-or-break in Massachusetts. It's the big MCAS year. So I'm happy, but i'm worried, and i'm sad because i'll miss him, as will everyone at our school.
Third, the admin assistant/secretary/insert title such as that here left yesterday after a bunch of years. That's another change we'll be coming back to in January, and it made a lot of staff and students sad and anxious to lose someone. Our kids don't do well with loss at the best of times, let alone at the holidays, so this is big for them because she started their day by greeting them at the door.
Fourth, we had an intern this quarter who rocked. She was passionate and focused and charismatic and had such a presence in our school. More of a presence than I've seen in any of our previous interns. She spoke up at meetings; she interacted with our students; she set limits; she cared for the students without it seeming weird; and the list goes only goes on from there. More than that, she kept me company and spoke to me and asked me questions and i in turn did all those things with her. I'm going to miss her. She had become part of my day, part of my routine, and now she's gone.
Fifth, well, something else happened at work. it's been a long time coming in many ways. Can't really talk about it, but it happened, and it's going to change how we work when we return on the second.
Sixth and what really has me feeling pathetic was my doctor's appointment after work. I went in for a generic girly bits exam plus to follow up with my blood work from the 11th. Maria (my favoritest doctor that i've ever seen) looks at my blood work results and her eyes kind of bulge out. Not a good sign. She asks if anyone called me. Nope. Really? Yep. No one called. Well, listening to you and looking at these results you definitely have PCOS. You also have diabetes. And then ... after the girly bits bit ... apparently i also have a yeast infection.
Go me.
So i freaked out on the way home. I have to test my blood twice a day for the next week and take two meds. On friday i have to go in to talk to Maria more. Sometime this week I also need to go get more blood drawn. Yay.
This morning before eating i had to bust out the blood stuff and try to test myself. It took two needles and three of the freaking strips and SIX pokes to get it right. SIX. yeah, that was fun. So now i feel fat, unhealthy, stupid, bloody, poked, prodded and generally pathetic.
blah blah blah.
Things will be fine. blah blah. got that. check. i know. but i still feel broken and gross. Yes, relieved that I know and can move forward and treat myself and take care of this, etc, etc, etc. People live with this all the time. Doesn't stop me feeling mad at the world, including myself, and not coping right now.
I finished lunch at 12:30ish. So i'm stuck in my house until 2:30 when i re-poke myself, ideally more successfully now that i know what i did this morning. After that i'll head to the mall or to some other places to do last minute shopping. It's a good thing i like buying gifts because otherwise you could not get me out the house with a crowbar today in the mood I'm in.
So yeah, here's to almost being 31. My body is fucking up. I've recently had a few friends leave me. People at school are leaving and the atmosphere at work is about to change. I'm not interested in writing and lost some major work when my hard drive busted because i hadn't put it back on my thumb drive. Maybe this is some final explosion of saturn returning or something. Let me tell you. This is making me never want to speak to anyone or deal with anyone ever again. My hermit-like inclinations which have been growing steadily since leaving college are reaching a fevered pitch.
On top of that, there is no snow. i just walked to the corner store in jeans, a t-shirt and flipflops. On the 23rd of freaking december. WTF.
First of all school routines were all screwed up because it was the last day before the holidays. My school is always somewhat insane before a long holiday because lots of our kids don't want to be away from us for that long. I don't necessarily blame them - we take care of them, give them at least 2 meals a day, we support them and love them and in many cases are better parental figures than their own care takers. So the day before any break is it's own special fun.
Second, one of our students was leaving. A potential success story. He's going to live with mom and going to try public school. We're all excited for him, but he was lovely and he'd been with us for six years through both good and bad and he really was a fixture in our community. He was a leader for good and for mischief. He was smart. He was fun. He was angry. He was, he was, he was. And now he's gone. During his tenth grade year. Tenth grade is really make-or-break in Massachusetts. It's the big MCAS year. So I'm happy, but i'm worried, and i'm sad because i'll miss him, as will everyone at our school.
Third, the admin assistant/secretary/insert title such as that here left yesterday after a bunch of years. That's another change we'll be coming back to in January, and it made a lot of staff and students sad and anxious to lose someone. Our kids don't do well with loss at the best of times, let alone at the holidays, so this is big for them because she started their day by greeting them at the door.
Fourth, we had an intern this quarter who rocked. She was passionate and focused and charismatic and had such a presence in our school. More of a presence than I've seen in any of our previous interns. She spoke up at meetings; she interacted with our students; she set limits; she cared for the students without it seeming weird; and the list goes only goes on from there. More than that, she kept me company and spoke to me and asked me questions and i in turn did all those things with her. I'm going to miss her. She had become part of my day, part of my routine, and now she's gone.
Fifth, well, something else happened at work. it's been a long time coming in many ways. Can't really talk about it, but it happened, and it's going to change how we work when we return on the second.
Sixth and what really has me feeling pathetic was my doctor's appointment after work. I went in for a generic girly bits exam plus to follow up with my blood work from the 11th. Maria (my favoritest doctor that i've ever seen) looks at my blood work results and her eyes kind of bulge out. Not a good sign. She asks if anyone called me. Nope. Really? Yep. No one called. Well, listening to you and looking at these results you definitely have PCOS. You also have diabetes. And then ... after the girly bits bit ... apparently i also have a yeast infection.
Go me.
So i freaked out on the way home. I have to test my blood twice a day for the next week and take two meds. On friday i have to go in to talk to Maria more. Sometime this week I also need to go get more blood drawn. Yay.
This morning before eating i had to bust out the blood stuff and try to test myself. It took two needles and three of the freaking strips and SIX pokes to get it right. SIX. yeah, that was fun. So now i feel fat, unhealthy, stupid, bloody, poked, prodded and generally pathetic.
blah blah blah.
Things will be fine. blah blah. got that. check. i know. but i still feel broken and gross. Yes, relieved that I know and can move forward and treat myself and take care of this, etc, etc, etc. People live with this all the time. Doesn't stop me feeling mad at the world, including myself, and not coping right now.
I finished lunch at 12:30ish. So i'm stuck in my house until 2:30 when i re-poke myself, ideally more successfully now that i know what i did this morning. After that i'll head to the mall or to some other places to do last minute shopping. It's a good thing i like buying gifts because otherwise you could not get me out the house with a crowbar today in the mood I'm in.
So yeah, here's to almost being 31. My body is fucking up. I've recently had a few friends leave me. People at school are leaving and the atmosphere at work is about to change. I'm not interested in writing and lost some major work when my hard drive busted because i hadn't put it back on my thumb drive. Maybe this is some final explosion of saturn returning or something. Let me tell you. This is making me never want to speak to anyone or deal with anyone ever again. My hermit-like inclinations which have been growing steadily since leaving college are reaching a fevered pitch.
On top of that, there is no snow. i just walked to the corner store in jeans, a t-shirt and flipflops. On the 23rd of freaking december. WTF.