[HP fic] SiriusxRegulus
Title: Their game
Fandom : Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: SiriusxRegulus
Length: 3000 words
Warnings:Graphic sex, chan, non con. And incest, obviously.
Summary: Sirius liked to challenge, Regulus wanted to play. By the time they realized maybe it wasn't such a good idea, it was already too late.
Many, many thanks and kisses to schemingreader for betaing. You're a life saver.
1.
Regulus pushed the door open. A slim square of light sliced the room open, falling onto Sirius’ frame on the bed. His hands were moving on his belly, and he made a strange, sharp noise, but didn’t sound angry.
“What are you doing?”, Regulus asked.
It was summer and he was bored. Since Sirius had come back from Hogwarts in the wrong House colours he would barely play with him anymore. Even when he did, all he would talk about was James, James, James and the occasional Peter and Remus. But mostly Jameses.
Regulus didn’t care about James. He didn’t care about red and gold. He didn’t care about bloody Hogwarts or their parents’ cold disapproval and Sirius’ responding defiance. Regulus only wanted his brother back.
“Go away, Regulus.” Sirius finally answered. His hands had stopped moving, but there were something strange with his tummy. Regulus squinted in vain to try to get a better view in the darkness.
“Are you crying?”, Regulus asked, warily. He didn’t see what else Sirius could be doing in his room in the dark and making those strange noises.
Sirius snorted. “No, I’m not. I said go away.” He didn’t move.
Regulus walked inside. “Tell me what you’re doing and I’ll go away.” He said, falling back onto the easy blackmail of younger brothers.
Sirius straightened on the bed, and the light fell onto his eyes, making them glint maliciously.
“You don’t want to know. It’s not for little kids.”
Regulus could hear the challenge in the words. Sirius was big onto challenges. I dare you to climb on top of that tree. I bet you’re not capable of stealing Mother’s favourite tea set and putting it in the garden. Ever goading and defying each other, it had been the game of their childhood together, and Regulus’ throat tightened with longing in memory.
“I’m not a little kid. I’m eleven years old.” His birthday had only been a few weeks ago. Their parents had made a big fuss, and about his letter from Hogwarts before that. He’d tried to catch Sirius’ gaze, to exchange a smile, but Sirius had barely glanced at him, and when he had, he had looked pale and irate.
“Are you sure?” Sirius drawled. “It’s a game for grown-ups only. Don’t go whining to Mother if you don’t like it.”
Regulus was close enough, now, for him to see that Sirius’ trousers were open. He could see Sirius’ penis laying on his stomach. It looked swollen, red and unhealthy.
“I won’t.” Regulus said, barely above a whisper. The atmosphere was sticky with secrets and conspiracies. He wanted in.
Sirius smirked. “Well, then.” He said. “Close the door.”
Regulus obeyed.
“Come here.”
He climbed onto the bed, and Sirius took his hand and put it around Sirius’ sex.
Regulus gasped. It felt feverishly hot but very soft under his hand. He looked up at Sirius questioningly.
“Yes”, Sirius said, moving his fingers around Regulus’ hand. “Like this. That’s how you play it.”
Regulus made a tentative squeeze, experimentally. Sirius made another of his noises, but it didn’t look like he was hurting, so Regulus did it again, and again. Starting a rhythm like Sirius had shown him.
“Yes”, Sirius sighed, “keep at it like that.” He closed his eyes and bit his lips then let out a low chuckle. “You’re very good at it.”
Regulus felt himself flush, both under the praise and from the startling reactions that Sirius was showing. That he was making Sirius show. He didn’t know whether he found it to be more embarrassing or more enjoyable.
“Oh, fuck!” Sirius gasped. “Go on”, he encouraged. Regulus sped up his movement despite the fact he was starting to feel his arm cramp. The expression on Sirius’ face was mesmerizing; and he was starting to feel an odd, stony weight in his own belly.
Then without warning Sirius started peeing. Except it wasn’t pee. It looked like some sort of white cream.
Startled, Regulus jerked his hand away.
But, curiously, he put it back and brought the odd liquid under his nose.
It had a strong, weird smell, but not unpleasant. He opened his mouth and licked a little tiny bit. It was bitter, definitely not cream sweet. Raising his eyes he saw that Sirius was watching him intently, eyes wide and glassy. Regulus smiled, challengingly, and put the whole finger into his mouth, licking avidly. The look in Sirius’ eyes was worth it and he made another deep throat noise.
They stayed like that for a minute. Sirus half laid on his bed and Regulus sitting on Sirius’ thigh, enjoying the feeling of mixed excitement and disquiet beating into his chest.
After a while Sirius cleared his throat but his voice was still hoarse when he said : “I think it’s fair to say you’ve won.”
Regulus nodded, wondering how you could lose at this game.
2.
They continued the game when Regulus went in Hogwarts. Despite the fact that Regulus had been Sorted into Slytherin and that Sirius hated him for that. Despite the fact he would barely talk to him without sneering and making mocking sotto voce comments with his friends. Despite it all, Regulus would sneak out of the Dungeon at times and meet Sirius in empty rooms. He’d put his hand under Sirius’ robes, warp them around his cock and fist him until he came.
It was the only thing they had together. Something that was theirs alone. Their secret, their conspiracy, their game. He cherished that.
At some point, he’d impulsively taken it inside his mouth, tasting the sour saltiness more intimately, nostrils lost in Sirius’ pubis (Yes! God, oh fuck! Regulus!) and after while Sirius had reciprocated, his hands and his tongue playing that bewildering tempo on Regulus' body until the final crescendo.
“I won this time”, Sirius had said, with a satisfied smirk, lips very red over white teeth.
“We both did”, Regulus had answered, once he had found breath enough.
Later, when they discussed wanking with the other boys in the dormitory, he made up some lies about the girls he imagined when he did it. He only ever thought of Sirius, Sirius, Sirius’ hands, Sirius’ eyes, Sirius’ hair, Sirius’ cock, Sirius’ skin, Sirius’ grin, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.
He didn’t think it was normal. Then again, if he did it with Sirius, how could it be wrong? But he thought about the diatribes Mother would go on about Sirius. About corrupting influences, and the sort of dirty Muggle-lovers he called friends. Maybe it was some kind of Muggle illness. Maybe Sirius had caught it from his Muggle-lover friends and then passed it on to Regulus. Maybe Regulus was corrupted, contaminated with a dirty Muggle disease.
He went to see Madam Pomfrey and blabbered something vague and not incriminating. She looked sharply at him, examined him thoroughly to his blushing embarrassment, then told him he was perfectly fine. She said she thought he was much too young but if he was going to do it anyway then he should know this spell to protect himself.
So he kept on meeting Sirius at odd hours, muttering the spell before he did. Sometimes he thought Sirius looked nervous, hesitant before starting, as if he was going to mention that it wasn’t normal. But he never did, and Regulus never said anything either. He was too eager to hold Sirius’ flesh, to rub his erection against Sirius’ muscular thighs, too lose himself into Sirius’ smell and Sirius’ warmth. It was the only thing they had together anymore.
In third year, he heard Evan Rosier and Quintus Jugson in a serious discussion about girls going down on them.
“I say if a girl does it, then it’s sex.” Evan was saying.
“Nah, it’s not sex until you put it up into her pussy. That’s when she stops being a virgin, right?”
“But if a girl went down on you, then you’re not a virgin.”
“What do you mean, going down on you?” Regulus had suddenly intervened.
“You know”, Evan had explained with a suggestive gesture. “Doing a blowjob, sucking it off.”
“Oh.” Regulus had licked his lips. “And is that sex?”
“It is!”, Evan had said, at the same time as Quintus had said “It isn’t.”
Regulus had walked away, first slowly, then running. Out of breath, he’d closed himself into an empty closet and let himself fall down on the ground. I may have had sex, he thought, I may have had sex and I’ve never even kissed anyone.
He tried going out with girls. Nice, Pure-Blood girls with tentative breasts and easy smiles who kissed him sloppily, all wet lips and giggling tongue, and that he could parade around the school grounds. Edna Wood from Ravenclaw even went down on him. He looked at her mouth closing onto his prick and closed his eyes, and all he could think of was Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.
He stopped trying to go out with girls anymore after that.
3.
When he was in fifth year, Sirius suddenly stopped coming to their meetings. Regulus waited and waited on in the cold room for hours. When he went back to his bed he couldn’t fall asleep.
“What’s wrong, Black?” Barty Crouch asked mockingly on the morning, looking at his livid face. “Has your secret girlfriend broken up with you ?”
“Just so,” Regulus answered, leaving without any more words.
All day long, between classes and meals, he had his eyes set on the crowd, searching for the red and black of Sirius’ profile, defying him to look back when he found it. But Sirius was always with his friends, and laughing with Potter.
James, James, James, Regulus recalled. Sirius wouldn’t say that name much at home anymore. Mother wouldn’t let him. Sirius wouldn’t say much at all anymore. When he did, it was all yelling and quarrelling, and the odd flap of a slap before stalking back to his room.
Came night, he waited until Sirius’ friend, the Prefect who was a Half-Blood, came back to the Gryffindor Tower.
“Let me in.” He said. “I have to talk with my brother.”
The Half-Blood stared back at him insolently and silently until Regulus’ felt himself blush.
“Please, I need to talk with Sirius”, he repeated.
“All right.”
Regulus rushed inside and stopped only when he’d found Sirius.
When Sirius saw him, his whole expression changed. He was lying on that bed with Potter and they were laughing, and it was Sirius, all warmth and devilish grace like he didn’t see him anymore (except then, with his hands and his mouth around Sirius’ hot flesh and Sirius chanting meaningless words to encourage him). Then suddenly it was winter, Sirius’ mouth was set and his eyes were cold.
“What are you doing here?” he barked.
Regulus smiled. “You know what I want.” He said, letting his voice ripen with overtone.
He saw Potter frown by Sirius’ side.
“Pads, do you want us to-”
“No. I’ll handle this. Leave us alone.”
Potter pushed his glasses back in place and bend much, much too close to Sirius’ face for Regulus’ liking.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Sirius was pale and watching Regulus intently, and Regulus’ smile widened in answer.
Then finally, the room was empty but for him and his brother. As it was fitting it would be.
“What are you doing here?” Sirius said again. Lower this time, as if he was tired.
“You know.” Regulus insisted. “Why didn’t you come? I waited for you” He came closer to Sirius, trying to catch his fleeing gaze.
“Regulus”, Sirius said. “Don’t you think we’re a bit old for games, now?”
“Yeah”, Regulus spit, anger sharpening his words. “We are. What do you think I am? I’m not eleven anymore! These were never games.”
“Regulus…”
“Stop saying my name!”, Regulus shouted. And closed his mouth sharply. Sirius looked at him in silence, face white. If Regulus trusted himself he’d say Sirius was nervous.
“How naïve do you think I am, you bastard? What did you think you were doing starting this, having sex with me, then getting away now smelling like a sodding Gryffindor rose?”
“That wasn’t…”
“What?”
“You think I knew what I was doing then?” Sirius sounded appalled. “You think I meant…”
Regulus laughed. “So what, you just woke up yesterday morning and suddenly you realized : ‘Oh fuck, I’m shagging my little brother.’?”
“That’s all the more reason to stop!” Sirius said.
Regulus shook his head. “No. We don’t stop.”
Sirius looked astonished. At any other time it would have made Regulus laugh, it was so rare to see Sirius losing his cool to gape like this.
“Are you mad? Fuck, Regulus don’t you see how wrong this is?”
“Since when do you care what’s right and proper, anyway? You never did care when my parents were telling you.”
“Don’t be an idiot Regulus, that’s different. That’s important…”
“Why? Because you say so? Because your stupid Muggle-lovers friends would think so?”
“Don’t talk like this!” Sirius said harshly.
“That’s it, isn’t it? It’s all about your friends? Now that you’d got them, your little brother isn’t good enough for you? Were you imagining it was fucking James Potter sucking your dick all this time? What would he say if I told him what we were doing? Not so much the enlightened Pure-Blood-“
Sirius hit him.
Regulus staggered, tasting blood in his mouth bitter enough to account for all the venom pouring between them.
“I said shut up!” Sirius shout, pushing him against the wall.
Regulus looked up to Sirius’ angry face, and without transition they were kissing. It was inflexible, angry and cruel, and unlike any of the kisses he’d had with girls. He whined and gave as much as he took, but he’d barely got into it that Sirius backed away.
“Is this what you want?” Sirius asked, words like bites, “Do you want to be queer? Do you want Father to curse your name? Mother to act as if you’ve never existed? Do you want everyone to mock you, to beat you up when they get the chance? Do you want to be fool, and freakish, and twisted?”
Yes, Regulus wanted to say, yes, yes, I want you.
Sirius looked at him and his lips crooked. “God, you disgust me!”
Regulus flinched. He tried to get away from his brother’s grip, but Sirius held him hard.
“You’re just as rotten as the rest of them. Fucking whore. You’d do anything, wouldn’t you.”
Suddenly there were hands down his trousers, squirming passed his balls to stroke his arsehole.
“What are you doing!”
“You know what I’m doing”, Sirius mocked. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
The fingers became more insistent, pushing roughly inside him.
Regulus thrashed about. “Stop it!”
But Sirius’ hands didn’t stop and kept pressing painfully inside.
“Why?” Sirius sounded so calm. “I thought that’s what you wanted?”
Regulus panicked, struggling aimlessly. “No! I don’t… I want… stop this, please!”
With a kind of dull, remote cool, he realized he was starting to cry.
Then Sirius was releasing him and Regulus was crumbling on the floor, weighted by sobs.
Sirius was watching him, one foot away. After an eternity, he touched Regulus’ shoulder, almost gently.
“Regulus? Are you all right? I’m s-‘
Regulus jerked away. “Don’t touch me.” He reeled upright. “Don’t you ever touch me.”
He stared at Sirius’ hesitant face. “I hate you.”
He fled that nauseating room.
That summer, Sirius never came home.
4.
It was raining and Regulus was running. Running and Apparating and running. He felt very light and weightless. His pockets were empty. Empty, at last, and the nasty, hateful horde behind him would never find what it had contained, Regulus was sure. He laughed helplessly to the open flood falling from the sky. Thunder clashed like an echo of the horns’ calls of the Wild Hunt chasing him.
He wondered which one would find him. Regulus had killed Agnan, already, when he’d caught him. Poor Agnan, he’d been too nervous and hesitant, had felt too betrayed by his friend, maybe. Others wouldn’t make the same mistake.
Would it be Lucius, with an icy politeness that would stab him to the heart? Would Walden butcher him with that vicious glint in the eyes? Would Severus slay him with a contemptuous sneer? Would Bellatrix have an occasion to experiment, to play her many cruel games with him?
He’d seen all of them kill. He knew how it’d go. It would be brutal and merciless, and Regulus would be begging before the end.
But right now he was free.
Free and scared and drunk with his own recklessness. Had this been how Sirius had felt all this time?
Run, and Apparate, and…
Shit. He shouldn’t have thought of Sirius before Apparating. He was there next to the apartment bought with Alphard’s money that he had only ever seen from afar. Regulus made a couple of steps toward it and stopped. No time, he thought regretfully.
There was a damp thud, behind him, and he turned swiftly, wand in hand, to face the threat.
There were apples and bread and tins rolling at his feet, and Sirius was watching him with a very shocked expression, still clinging to the empty brown shopping bag.
Fuck, Regulus thought. Then he was swallowed by Sirius’ warm arms, and he felt his own fingers clutch into Sirius’ damp jacket. He felt Sirius’ coarse chin scratching his cheek and wondered how come he deserved such a nice welcome. What could Sirius have heard, really?
Then Sirius was smiling at him with such hopeful light in his eyes, and Regulus couldn’t stand it anymore. Before he said anything, Regulus fell upon his mouth, stuck his tongue inside and kissed him thoroughly. He bit the full lips and heard Sirius whine - of pain or pleasure he didn’t know.
When he released Sirius’ mouth, he said “You’ve got to go, it’s not safe here,” and hoped it would be enough. He Apparated away.
He ran under the rain, treasuring the feel of Sirius’ warmth lingering to his body.
Fandom : Harry Potter
Characters/Pairings: SiriusxRegulus
Length: 3000 words
Warnings:Graphic sex, chan, non con. And incest, obviously.
Summary: Sirius liked to challenge, Regulus wanted to play. By the time they realized maybe it wasn't such a good idea, it was already too late.
Many, many thanks and kisses to schemingreader for betaing. You're a life saver.
1.
Regulus pushed the door open. A slim square of light sliced the room open, falling onto Sirius’ frame on the bed. His hands were moving on his belly, and he made a strange, sharp noise, but didn’t sound angry.
“What are you doing?”, Regulus asked.
It was summer and he was bored. Since Sirius had come back from Hogwarts in the wrong House colours he would barely play with him anymore. Even when he did, all he would talk about was James, James, James and the occasional Peter and Remus. But mostly Jameses.
Regulus didn’t care about James. He didn’t care about red and gold. He didn’t care about bloody Hogwarts or their parents’ cold disapproval and Sirius’ responding defiance. Regulus only wanted his brother back.
“Go away, Regulus.” Sirius finally answered. His hands had stopped moving, but there were something strange with his tummy. Regulus squinted in vain to try to get a better view in the darkness.
“Are you crying?”, Regulus asked, warily. He didn’t see what else Sirius could be doing in his room in the dark and making those strange noises.
Sirius snorted. “No, I’m not. I said go away.” He didn’t move.
Regulus walked inside. “Tell me what you’re doing and I’ll go away.” He said, falling back onto the easy blackmail of younger brothers.
Sirius straightened on the bed, and the light fell onto his eyes, making them glint maliciously.
“You don’t want to know. It’s not for little kids.”
Regulus could hear the challenge in the words. Sirius was big onto challenges. I dare you to climb on top of that tree. I bet you’re not capable of stealing Mother’s favourite tea set and putting it in the garden. Ever goading and defying each other, it had been the game of their childhood together, and Regulus’ throat tightened with longing in memory.
“I’m not a little kid. I’m eleven years old.” His birthday had only been a few weeks ago. Their parents had made a big fuss, and about his letter from Hogwarts before that. He’d tried to catch Sirius’ gaze, to exchange a smile, but Sirius had barely glanced at him, and when he had, he had looked pale and irate.
“Are you sure?” Sirius drawled. “It’s a game for grown-ups only. Don’t go whining to Mother if you don’t like it.”
Regulus was close enough, now, for him to see that Sirius’ trousers were open. He could see Sirius’ penis laying on his stomach. It looked swollen, red and unhealthy.
“I won’t.” Regulus said, barely above a whisper. The atmosphere was sticky with secrets and conspiracies. He wanted in.
Sirius smirked. “Well, then.” He said. “Close the door.”
Regulus obeyed.
“Come here.”
He climbed onto the bed, and Sirius took his hand and put it around Sirius’ sex.
Regulus gasped. It felt feverishly hot but very soft under his hand. He looked up at Sirius questioningly.
“Yes”, Sirius said, moving his fingers around Regulus’ hand. “Like this. That’s how you play it.”
Regulus made a tentative squeeze, experimentally. Sirius made another of his noises, but it didn’t look like he was hurting, so Regulus did it again, and again. Starting a rhythm like Sirius had shown him.
“Yes”, Sirius sighed, “keep at it like that.” He closed his eyes and bit his lips then let out a low chuckle. “You’re very good at it.”
Regulus felt himself flush, both under the praise and from the startling reactions that Sirius was showing. That he was making Sirius show. He didn’t know whether he found it to be more embarrassing or more enjoyable.
“Oh, fuck!” Sirius gasped. “Go on”, he encouraged. Regulus sped up his movement despite the fact he was starting to feel his arm cramp. The expression on Sirius’ face was mesmerizing; and he was starting to feel an odd, stony weight in his own belly.
Then without warning Sirius started peeing. Except it wasn’t pee. It looked like some sort of white cream.
Startled, Regulus jerked his hand away.
But, curiously, he put it back and brought the odd liquid under his nose.
It had a strong, weird smell, but not unpleasant. He opened his mouth and licked a little tiny bit. It was bitter, definitely not cream sweet. Raising his eyes he saw that Sirius was watching him intently, eyes wide and glassy. Regulus smiled, challengingly, and put the whole finger into his mouth, licking avidly. The look in Sirius’ eyes was worth it and he made another deep throat noise.
They stayed like that for a minute. Sirus half laid on his bed and Regulus sitting on Sirius’ thigh, enjoying the feeling of mixed excitement and disquiet beating into his chest.
After a while Sirius cleared his throat but his voice was still hoarse when he said : “I think it’s fair to say you’ve won.”
Regulus nodded, wondering how you could lose at this game.
2.
They continued the game when Regulus went in Hogwarts. Despite the fact that Regulus had been Sorted into Slytherin and that Sirius hated him for that. Despite the fact he would barely talk to him without sneering and making mocking sotto voce comments with his friends. Despite it all, Regulus would sneak out of the Dungeon at times and meet Sirius in empty rooms. He’d put his hand under Sirius’ robes, warp them around his cock and fist him until he came.
It was the only thing they had together. Something that was theirs alone. Their secret, their conspiracy, their game. He cherished that.
At some point, he’d impulsively taken it inside his mouth, tasting the sour saltiness more intimately, nostrils lost in Sirius’ pubis (Yes! God, oh fuck! Regulus!) and after while Sirius had reciprocated, his hands and his tongue playing that bewildering tempo on Regulus' body until the final crescendo.
“I won this time”, Sirius had said, with a satisfied smirk, lips very red over white teeth.
“We both did”, Regulus had answered, once he had found breath enough.
Later, when they discussed wanking with the other boys in the dormitory, he made up some lies about the girls he imagined when he did it. He only ever thought of Sirius, Sirius, Sirius’ hands, Sirius’ eyes, Sirius’ hair, Sirius’ cock, Sirius’ skin, Sirius’ grin, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.
He didn’t think it was normal. Then again, if he did it with Sirius, how could it be wrong? But he thought about the diatribes Mother would go on about Sirius. About corrupting influences, and the sort of dirty Muggle-lovers he called friends. Maybe it was some kind of Muggle illness. Maybe Sirius had caught it from his Muggle-lover friends and then passed it on to Regulus. Maybe Regulus was corrupted, contaminated with a dirty Muggle disease.
He went to see Madam Pomfrey and blabbered something vague and not incriminating. She looked sharply at him, examined him thoroughly to his blushing embarrassment, then told him he was perfectly fine. She said she thought he was much too young but if he was going to do it anyway then he should know this spell to protect himself.
So he kept on meeting Sirius at odd hours, muttering the spell before he did. Sometimes he thought Sirius looked nervous, hesitant before starting, as if he was going to mention that it wasn’t normal. But he never did, and Regulus never said anything either. He was too eager to hold Sirius’ flesh, to rub his erection against Sirius’ muscular thighs, too lose himself into Sirius’ smell and Sirius’ warmth. It was the only thing they had together anymore.
In third year, he heard Evan Rosier and Quintus Jugson in a serious discussion about girls going down on them.
“I say if a girl does it, then it’s sex.” Evan was saying.
“Nah, it’s not sex until you put it up into her pussy. That’s when she stops being a virgin, right?”
“But if a girl went down on you, then you’re not a virgin.”
“What do you mean, going down on you?” Regulus had suddenly intervened.
“You know”, Evan had explained with a suggestive gesture. “Doing a blowjob, sucking it off.”
“Oh.” Regulus had licked his lips. “And is that sex?”
“It is!”, Evan had said, at the same time as Quintus had said “It isn’t.”
Regulus had walked away, first slowly, then running. Out of breath, he’d closed himself into an empty closet and let himself fall down on the ground. I may have had sex, he thought, I may have had sex and I’ve never even kissed anyone.
He tried going out with girls. Nice, Pure-Blood girls with tentative breasts and easy smiles who kissed him sloppily, all wet lips and giggling tongue, and that he could parade around the school grounds. Edna Wood from Ravenclaw even went down on him. He looked at her mouth closing onto his prick and closed his eyes, and all he could think of was Sirius, Sirius, Sirius.
He stopped trying to go out with girls anymore after that.
3.
When he was in fifth year, Sirius suddenly stopped coming to their meetings. Regulus waited and waited on in the cold room for hours. When he went back to his bed he couldn’t fall asleep.
“What’s wrong, Black?” Barty Crouch asked mockingly on the morning, looking at his livid face. “Has your secret girlfriend broken up with you ?”
“Just so,” Regulus answered, leaving without any more words.
All day long, between classes and meals, he had his eyes set on the crowd, searching for the red and black of Sirius’ profile, defying him to look back when he found it. But Sirius was always with his friends, and laughing with Potter.
James, James, James, Regulus recalled. Sirius wouldn’t say that name much at home anymore. Mother wouldn’t let him. Sirius wouldn’t say much at all anymore. When he did, it was all yelling and quarrelling, and the odd flap of a slap before stalking back to his room.
Came night, he waited until Sirius’ friend, the Prefect who was a Half-Blood, came back to the Gryffindor Tower.
“Let me in.” He said. “I have to talk with my brother.”
The Half-Blood stared back at him insolently and silently until Regulus’ felt himself blush.
“Please, I need to talk with Sirius”, he repeated.
“All right.”
Regulus rushed inside and stopped only when he’d found Sirius.
When Sirius saw him, his whole expression changed. He was lying on that bed with Potter and they were laughing, and it was Sirius, all warmth and devilish grace like he didn’t see him anymore (except then, with his hands and his mouth around Sirius’ hot flesh and Sirius chanting meaningless words to encourage him). Then suddenly it was winter, Sirius’ mouth was set and his eyes were cold.
“What are you doing here?” he barked.
Regulus smiled. “You know what I want.” He said, letting his voice ripen with overtone.
He saw Potter frown by Sirius’ side.
“Pads, do you want us to-”
“No. I’ll handle this. Leave us alone.”
Potter pushed his glasses back in place and bend much, much too close to Sirius’ face for Regulus’ liking.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” Sirius was pale and watching Regulus intently, and Regulus’ smile widened in answer.
Then finally, the room was empty but for him and his brother. As it was fitting it would be.
“What are you doing here?” Sirius said again. Lower this time, as if he was tired.
“You know.” Regulus insisted. “Why didn’t you come? I waited for you” He came closer to Sirius, trying to catch his fleeing gaze.
“Regulus”, Sirius said. “Don’t you think we’re a bit old for games, now?”
“Yeah”, Regulus spit, anger sharpening his words. “We are. What do you think I am? I’m not eleven anymore! These were never games.”
“Regulus…”
“Stop saying my name!”, Regulus shouted. And closed his mouth sharply. Sirius looked at him in silence, face white. If Regulus trusted himself he’d say Sirius was nervous.
“How naïve do you think I am, you bastard? What did you think you were doing starting this, having sex with me, then getting away now smelling like a sodding Gryffindor rose?”
“That wasn’t…”
“What?”
“You think I knew what I was doing then?” Sirius sounded appalled. “You think I meant…”
Regulus laughed. “So what, you just woke up yesterday morning and suddenly you realized : ‘Oh fuck, I’m shagging my little brother.’?”
“That’s all the more reason to stop!” Sirius said.
Regulus shook his head. “No. We don’t stop.”
Sirius looked astonished. At any other time it would have made Regulus laugh, it was so rare to see Sirius losing his cool to gape like this.
“Are you mad? Fuck, Regulus don’t you see how wrong this is?”
“Since when do you care what’s right and proper, anyway? You never did care when my parents were telling you.”
“Don’t be an idiot Regulus, that’s different. That’s important…”
“Why? Because you say so? Because your stupid Muggle-lovers friends would think so?”
“Don’t talk like this!” Sirius said harshly.
“That’s it, isn’t it? It’s all about your friends? Now that you’d got them, your little brother isn’t good enough for you? Were you imagining it was fucking James Potter sucking your dick all this time? What would he say if I told him what we were doing? Not so much the enlightened Pure-Blood-“
Sirius hit him.
Regulus staggered, tasting blood in his mouth bitter enough to account for all the venom pouring between them.
“I said shut up!” Sirius shout, pushing him against the wall.
Regulus looked up to Sirius’ angry face, and without transition they were kissing. It was inflexible, angry and cruel, and unlike any of the kisses he’d had with girls. He whined and gave as much as he took, but he’d barely got into it that Sirius backed away.
“Is this what you want?” Sirius asked, words like bites, “Do you want to be queer? Do you want Father to curse your name? Mother to act as if you’ve never existed? Do you want everyone to mock you, to beat you up when they get the chance? Do you want to be fool, and freakish, and twisted?”
Yes, Regulus wanted to say, yes, yes, I want you.
Sirius looked at him and his lips crooked. “God, you disgust me!”
Regulus flinched. He tried to get away from his brother’s grip, but Sirius held him hard.
“You’re just as rotten as the rest of them. Fucking whore. You’d do anything, wouldn’t you.”
Suddenly there were hands down his trousers, squirming passed his balls to stroke his arsehole.
“What are you doing!”
“You know what I’m doing”, Sirius mocked. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
The fingers became more insistent, pushing roughly inside him.
Regulus thrashed about. “Stop it!”
But Sirius’ hands didn’t stop and kept pressing painfully inside.
“Why?” Sirius sounded so calm. “I thought that’s what you wanted?”
Regulus panicked, struggling aimlessly. “No! I don’t… I want… stop this, please!”
With a kind of dull, remote cool, he realized he was starting to cry.
Then Sirius was releasing him and Regulus was crumbling on the floor, weighted by sobs.
Sirius was watching him, one foot away. After an eternity, he touched Regulus’ shoulder, almost gently.
“Regulus? Are you all right? I’m s-‘
Regulus jerked away. “Don’t touch me.” He reeled upright. “Don’t you ever touch me.”
He stared at Sirius’ hesitant face. “I hate you.”
He fled that nauseating room.
That summer, Sirius never came home.
4.
It was raining and Regulus was running. Running and Apparating and running. He felt very light and weightless. His pockets were empty. Empty, at last, and the nasty, hateful horde behind him would never find what it had contained, Regulus was sure. He laughed helplessly to the open flood falling from the sky. Thunder clashed like an echo of the horns’ calls of the Wild Hunt chasing him.
He wondered which one would find him. Regulus had killed Agnan, already, when he’d caught him. Poor Agnan, he’d been too nervous and hesitant, had felt too betrayed by his friend, maybe. Others wouldn’t make the same mistake.
Would it be Lucius, with an icy politeness that would stab him to the heart? Would Walden butcher him with that vicious glint in the eyes? Would Severus slay him with a contemptuous sneer? Would Bellatrix have an occasion to experiment, to play her many cruel games with him?
He’d seen all of them kill. He knew how it’d go. It would be brutal and merciless, and Regulus would be begging before the end.
But right now he was free.
Free and scared and drunk with his own recklessness. Had this been how Sirius had felt all this time?
Run, and Apparate, and…
Shit. He shouldn’t have thought of Sirius before Apparating. He was there next to the apartment bought with Alphard’s money that he had only ever seen from afar. Regulus made a couple of steps toward it and stopped. No time, he thought regretfully.
There was a damp thud, behind him, and he turned swiftly, wand in hand, to face the threat.
There were apples and bread and tins rolling at his feet, and Sirius was watching him with a very shocked expression, still clinging to the empty brown shopping bag.
Fuck, Regulus thought. Then he was swallowed by Sirius’ warm arms, and he felt his own fingers clutch into Sirius’ damp jacket. He felt Sirius’ coarse chin scratching his cheek and wondered how come he deserved such a nice welcome. What could Sirius have heard, really?
Then Sirius was smiling at him with such hopeful light in his eyes, and Regulus couldn’t stand it anymore. Before he said anything, Regulus fell upon his mouth, stuck his tongue inside and kissed him thoroughly. He bit the full lips and heard Sirius whine - of pain or pleasure he didn’t know.
When he released Sirius’ mouth, he said “You’ve got to go, it’s not safe here,” and hoped it would be enough. He Apparated away.
He ran under the rain, treasuring the feel of Sirius’ warmth lingering to his body.