Impossible to say I'll miss you

Oct 01, 2010 18:29

Because "I'll miss you" doesn't cover it. Nigel....Nigel...oh nigel

Devestated to even imagine that you're not in the world just begins to scratch the surface.... I don't know what to say, but I had to say something. For you.

The first time I met you - I was out directing traffic for Orientation Week along the lonely stretch of East Ring road. Quiet, as there are few first years in that part of campus. I could see Vicki off in the distance, standing at her post, and we largely amused each other with crazy hand guestures. I had had about three people ask me how to get to the UC, and we'd been there since god-awful early in the morning.

When suddenly...you can bounding up. Bounding while actually only strolling...walking, exuding a level of excitement that made everything you've ever done larger than life. You said Hi! As though I was the most exciting person you had ever come across, and asked me where the potted plant sale was. At this point I was stricken with disappointment, since I did not actually know!! I made a guess that it would be in the East tower, and sent you on your way with the best directions I could muster.

When you returned about 10 minutes later you proudly showed off your new plant to me, and I was so happy for you =) As everyone has said, I already felt like an old and dear friend of yours. I can't remeber if you asked me if I knew Nyree, but I did know that you would find your way to Arts Haus. We chatted abit more - you asked me if there were any organic food stores in town and I was filled with joy that I could tell you about the Stone store, and the Cornerstone.

You bounded away to take care of your new plant, and I hoped I would see you again. That evening I think just about everyone had a story about the amazing and bubbly boy they had met that day =)

The last time I saw you - In London. You had just finished up a big theatre tour through europe, and would be stopping in the city for a few days. You invited me along to a dinner evening. On the way there I got hopelessly lost, and we exchanged many short phonecalls which slowly but surely led me to the restaurant! The blaring salsa music alerted me that I must be in the right place, and there you were in the midst of a group of boisterous people, which you had pulled together. You never seemed to seperate your friends as I do, into groups of people who know one another. You just trust that all who know you would get along...

And it always worked out.

The group became loud as the evening went on, however, and after we had eaten you whispered in my ear your secret plan to head out, and go for a quiet walk back to your apartment.

My boyfriend and I fled with you out into the night, and we talked about the wonders of london. Your apartment was a home for all those artsy and musical, and you told me of all the amazing people you had met!

It was such a joy to have you all to myself. The fact that I was lucky enough to warrent some of your personal time was a lovely feeling. Being so full of energy, and knowing so many people, it was hard for you to exist at a gathering and only talk to one or two people. It was your nature to float from group to group. And I never ever felt slighted when you didn't have time for just me, but rather, as on that evening, when you did have the time to focus on just me I felt like the most loved person in the world.

Because of your busy life we didn't see each other very often. But the fun times we had made up for that. Knowing you were out there, bouncing from place to place, know you'd be back and we would catch up like old friends, was enough to make me smile.

Its impossible for my heart to accept that you aren't out there any more. Impossible to know that I won't get a facebook message saying Dinner in London TOMORROW can you make it!?

nigel, nigel nigel.

but then when I feel so impossibly sad that you're gone, I become overjoyed that I met you. Its a gift you have, and a gift you leave behind. I don't know if I'll always have tears streaming from my eyes and a huge smile on my face every time I think of you...but it seems to be the case for now.

I don't mind tho.

you'll inspire me forever, and you'll never be far from my heart.

with much love
~h~

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