Hold Me Tight [1/4]
The much awaited sequel to Tortured Body and Soul
Italicized parts are flashbacks.
Himchan’s body was covered in sweat and blood and other fluids that he didn’t want to think of, or wasn’t thinking of or couldn’t think of, as his body thrust up into the pliant and yet, at the same time, completely resistant to what he was doing. He didn’t think to stop, to head the pleas from the man that he had had claimed to love for so many months. He didn’t think that the man below him deserved that much mercy.
His fingers curled around the already bruised and bloody wrists of the man who could easily have overpowered him if not for how weak he had grown over the time that he was chained up. Himchan took a sick pleasure in watching as Jongup cried, struggled and just could not manage to find the strength that was necessary to pull from the torturous act of being violated in a way that he had never dreamed.
There was blood. So much blood. There was blood over Himchan’s bare chest, over the man’s muscles that were tensed almost painfully so below him, trying their hardest to push the larger, albeit weaker, man off of him but failing in every sense of the word. Himchan took a sick pleasure in this. Even while he-
The loud clap of thunder was surprising, unexpected and yet Himchan sat up with a start that was unexpected, his heart raced even as he instinctively gathered the love of his life into his arms. The man was whimpering and cowering, clawing at the man’s skin with a desperation like nothing else.
“Sh, sh…I got you…” Himchan’s heart had yet to slow, still feeling wound up from the dream, the nightmare that was unclear and yet lucid in the most horrendous of ways. He shook his head to try and clear his thoughts, not wanting to have those images on the forefront of his mind while he was giving attention to the man who clearly needed him more than air.
“I hate it…I hate when it does that.” Jongup managed out just as he had calmed down, though tensing when another roll of thunder shook the bedroom windows and made his heart skip a beat.
“I know…I know…” Himchan assured him, though wasn’t the least bit surprised when there was a soft knock on the door, knowing it was the youngest, yet tallest, coming in to check onn his best friend, them all knowing the sort of fear in which Jongup had developed for loud storms like this.
The two men on the bed looked at one another, both of them naked but covered, yet Himchan was only waiting for the okay from Jongup to give the okay to Junhong. He didn’t mind being seen in this state, but he knew the sort of trauma that Jongup went through and how it affected him to even this day.
“C-come in!” Jongup called with a deep breath, knowing that he had to be strong. It had been nearly a year, after all, since the incident and he shouldn’t allow any of them to coddle him like they had been this entire time. Even if it made him feel better, made it easier to breathe and just…made his life not so terrible after what he had endured.
Within moments, Junhong is stepping into the room, only wearing a pair of briefs and what looks like the eldest’s shirt, but that was of no matter. He moved towards the bed, the eldest not far behind him as he was never far from his boyfriend, the youngest and most innocent and naïve of the group that was slowly growing in numbers-which was good as Jongup was in no condition to be participating in gang activities and Himchan would never again become violent if he could help it, lest it was on the behalf or at the defense of those he cared for very much. He didn’t near the bed like Junhong did, much preferring to stand back, to glare at Himchan like Himchan was the devil incarnate, which Yongguk did believe him to be after the way that he had tricked and tortured Jongup. The only reason that Himchan was still breathing was that they had all quickly learned that Jongup could not function without Himchan as he had once been able to before.
“You did what you came here to do, Himchan. Get the fuck out of here.” Yongguk’s deep voice growled, his hand resting on his lap as he sat almost too casually. Though, the presence of the glock on the table beside him was noticed by all.
Daehyun stood by the leader’s side, his large arms crossed over his chest as he blinked his single functioning eye. He had been blinded in the raid to retrieve Jongup. A large scar ran across the left side of his perfect face, practically keeping the eye closed, which made no difference as the eye itself was too badly damaged to be used anyways.
Beside Himchan, stood Namjoon-one of the newer recruits, a melding of two groups, but loyal to the core-and Himchan knew that he would not be able to take on the man. He was still quite weakened from the whole ordeal. He was still scarred and his hands had yet to obtain their full function after having been strung up like he had.
“I can’t leave Jongup. I won’t leave him.” Himchan tried, saying what he had said for the thousandth time. It caused no stirring among the men in the room. They all could hear the soft cries and scared whimpers from the other room, Jongup being cuddled by the youngest of the group, his best friend, and another, though the man had only let two touch him since his return.
“You will leave him. I won’t have you here. Namjoon, SoekJin, get him out of here. I don’t want to see him around here again.” Yongguk stated stoically, rising from his seat and leaving the room without another glance towards any of the men. He wouldn’t be questioned and he would make sure that he was understood to the core, that he was not disobeyed.
Himchan winced as his arm was grasped and he was herded from the house, the hideout and home of many of them. He should feel lucky that he wasn’t being killed, though he felt like he was dying, without Jongup.
“It’s just a storm, hyungie….you know the thunder can’t hurt you, especially when you have your big strong hyungie with you…” Junhong said softly, only very slowly moving towards his best friend, knowing that any quick movements could trigger him and they certainly didn’t want Jongup to freak on them when he needed comfort from the storm.
A soft whimper caused Himchan to shudder, disgust quickly filling him after the fact, but he ignored it as it was not something he could stomach to think about right then.
“I-I’m sorry, G-Guk-hyung.” Jongup said, looking at the eldest man with a small and sad smile, knowing that it was the middle of the night and that he had been the reason that they are out of bed.
Yongguk was currently leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his bare, scarred, tattooed chest, a tired smile on his lips as he shook his head. He wouldn’t fault Jongup for the missed sleep. He would never do that. He would instead blame all of this on Himchan and make him suffer for it at a later time when Jongup wasn’t present.
Himchan was blindfolded as he was led back onto the compound. He knew where he was as he had seen Hoseok moments before he’d been stuck with a needle and injected with some sort of…something. His mind was still foggy from it and he could barely move on his own, ending up as dead weight for whoever was dragging him.
He had been blindfolded in the past on his way in and out of the compound, which was probably a major factor into whether he lived or not. He couldn’t lead anyone to them. Them being the gang in which the love of his life was part of, or at least used to be before the incident.
As Himchan neared the house, the hideout, he could hear a horrendous screaming that sent shivers down his spine. Instincts kicked in and before he could even consciously recognize the source of the noise, his body was responding. With violence that was unexpected from someone drugged, Himchan tore his limbs from the captor’s hold, not having been tied up thankfully, though that probably had more to do with just how badly scarred, both mentally and physically, by the metal handcuffs from the incident. When his arms were free, he tore the blindfold from his eyes and made a run for the noise, heading directly into the house. But before he could get to the stairs, knowing that that’s where he needed to be, he was tackled to the ground and restrained quickly. He had little muscle to begin with, so it was no mean feat.
“Jongup!” Himchan shouted as a last resort, knowing that struggling would be futile. It’s only after he yelled the name of his beloved did it fully sink in that it was his Jongup who was screaming, and the only probably explanation, to Himchan, was that he was being tortured, just like had in the past when Himchan had been unable to get to him to save him. “Jongup!”
“Shut him up!” Yongguk’s voice snapped angrily as he stepped down the stairs, looking every bit as exhausted as Himchan felt from being away from Jongup. “If Jongup hears him, I swear to god…”
Himchan opened his mouth to protest, even as he was being lifted off the ground. The guys-whom, with a glance, Himchan found out to be Namjoon and Daehyun-looked none the least bit happy, but were being incredibly considerate and far less rough than they had been when he’d last been escorted out. When the smallest of sounds escaped him, about to turn into another shout, he felt the familiar pressing of the barrel of a gun pressed to his side.
“Shut it, Kim.” Daehyun growled beneath his breath, being the owner of the gun.
Himchan’s lips pursed together to try and keep himself from shouting out again, feeling his whole body tense at the next horrid sounds being released from the younger man. It hurt him in ways he didn’t dare begin to express to hear the love of his life in such pain and yet be unable to do anything about it.
Yongguk finished his trek down the stairs and stood in front of the captive. His eyes were darkened heavily by the lack of sleep, bloodshot and hooded as he obviously had not rested in far too long. His body was slouched and the pallor of his skin looked unhealthy the longer that Himchan looked at him.
What was going on?
“He needs you, Himchan. I would kill you for doing this to him if it wouldn’t kill him, too.”
Himchan’s fingers ran up and down Jongup’s biceps, caressing the skin gently as he remembers how it had once felt to have those strong arms wrapped around him, now lacking in so much muscle. He’d lost a lot of weight, mostly muscle since the incident.
“Do you want me to stay with you for the night?” Junhong’s soft, innocent voice asked the elder man, the one who was fearfully gathered in his boyfriend’s arms. As much as Junhong knew Yongguk hated it when he wasn’t in bed with him, they all knew that Junhong’s love for Jongup was unique in so many ways and to upset the bond would mean certain death by the hand of the leader.
Jongup took a very long moment to answer, so much that Himchan could have sworn that he saw Yongguk nod off in the time it took for a response to be given.
“N-No…” Jongup whispered to his best friend. “M’fine…”
And Himchan knew that he would be. Come morning, he might be clingier, but he would be more coherent, more vocal and like his old self, which is how they all wished for him to be.
“Come on, baby. We should let them sleep.” Yongguk beckoned his younger lover, all of them knowing that they needed to sleep and that sitting in the limbo area that they were would do nothing for them, despite how much they wished for it to.
Junhong took the chance, knowing that it was a toss-up more often than not, but had to take the chance, had to hope that it would be accepted. Very slowly, so as not to startle the already skittish man, he leaned forward to press a very gentle, ever so loving kiss on the man’s cheek. They used to be so much more affectionate, but since the incident, Jongup hadn’t been so accepting of such affectionate actions.
When Jongup not only didn’t reject the kiss, and pressed into it, the three men all tensed, their breaths stopped for a moment like they were afraid that they’d spontaneously combust if they moved too suddenly. When that didn’t seem to be the case, they registered how Jongup was giving the smallest of smiles to his best friend, curling back into Himchan and expecting that to be it. Which they could all understand given the fact that he had done something so unexpected.
Without further words, Junhong pulled back and left the room with his hyung, the two of them returning to bed despite the storm that continued to register outside their home.
“I-I wanna sleep now, hyungie…” Jongup requested very carefully, still holding some faded fears from the incident and sometimes anticipated an unfavorable touch if he asked for too much.
Himchan said nothing, still barely awake himself, but does guide Jongup to lay down, knowing that they both needed to get their sleep and while Himchan doubted he would be going back to sleep after the dream that he had, he would at least try to rest while he had the love of his life in his arms.
“What are you doing to him?!” Himchan demanded, knowing that even a single sound could end his life, but he couldn’t just stand there and accept the horrific screams that were escaping his beautiful other half. The other half he hadn’t seen in weeks. And it showed. He lacked a healthy color to his skin, as well. He had lost a scary amount of weight, and had his own bags beneath his eyes that rivaled the leader’s.
“We aren’t doing anything, Kim.” Yongguk snapped, taking a deep breath after the fact to calm himself, knowing that getting worked up wouldn’t do anything for him. “He’s exhausted and having another episode. Junhong and I can’t get near him without him lashing out at us. So we gotta tie him up or he’ll hurt himself.”
Those words sent a wave of disgust through Himchan.
“Untie him.” Himchan snarled out. Nothing angered him more than someone hurting his other half, especially in a way that would be hard for him to come back from psychologically.
“You go fucking untie him.” Yongguk growled back at him.
The words were shocking to hear, so unprecedented, but Daehyun and Namjoon obeyed without question even if they thought their leader and fellow friend mad for being so willing to let Himchan back into their home, near their weakest.
But Himchan was grateful.
The moment that he was released, he took the stairs two at a time, rushing into Jongup’s room, ignoring the maknae as he sat outside the door, his face buried into his knees that were brought up to his chest. He was crying and upset, seeming distraught that he could do nothing for his best friend. Himchan did not care.
The next morning, when the storm abated to a light drizzling with only the occasional roll of thunder, Himchan found himself on the porch, nursing a cup of coffee that was greatly appreciated. Jongup was in the media room, watching something to keep him distracted from the storm that would still cause him to whimper if not for his best friend curled right up against him.
The door creaked open.
“You take good care of him…” The newly acquired maknae spoke, his voice light as he settled himself down next to Himchan. “I…I know I wasn’t around when…it all went down…but I see how much you love him...”
Himchan let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head while he sipped his warm coffee. “I love him more than anything else in the entire world. You weren’t around kid, but…you’d hate me, too. Hell, even I hate me. What I did was…what happened was horrible. I get why everyone is angry with me and why everyone treats me like they do. I don’t hold it against them. I don’t blame them because…well, because it’s alright. I won’t leave Jongup.”
Jungkook nodded his head, knowing that what he had briefly heard about the incident didn’t really touch on what had really happened, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries so early on and ask things that might get him killed. Jongup was the most protected and watched among them all. Other than the previous maknae, Junhong, the leader cared for no one else so greatly.
“Why does he scream at night, Channie-hyung?” Jungkook asked before he thought about, before he could stop himself as that touched on things he knew that he was not supposed to talk about, things he was told never to mention since things were the way that they were for a reason.
Himchan cringed and let silence fall between them for a long moment before he thought that maybe Jungkook knew of what happened, of what made everyone else hate him.
“I…I was part of…a rival gang…I got with Jongup with the intention of getting to Yongguk.” His voice was soft and he took a breath and a sip of his coffee before he continued. His eyes were straight ahead, watching the rain as it fell to the ground, a light roll of thunder breaking the monotonous sound. “But I fell in love…dear god, I fell hard. And I couldn’t do it, but it was too late for me to get out. There was a raid and…fuck, my leader took Jongup on purpose. He made sure to grab Jongup…to get back at me…”
Jungkook’s eyes were wide as he took in the information, staying silent as he felt that there was so much more that he didn’t know, so much more to be told and he knew that it could only get worse from here.
“I…the moment I found out it was Jongup, I found Yongguk, but…to keep us both alive, I…had to go along with it. For nearly a week…I had to…fuck, the shit I did to him…” Himchan’s throat tightened and he tried not to cry, and yet…he knew that it was not his right to cry. He was hated for a reason.
For a long time, neither knew what to say, but it was Jungkook who broke the silence, surprisingly without hatred or disgust, instead with an understanding voice that spoke of things Himchan had not expected. “Namjoon-hyung…found me. I’m from Busan, but…was kidnapped when I was eight. To survive…I had to do a lot…” Without pause, he pulled up the sleeves of his sweater, baring his forearms that were covered in burns and cuts, making Himchan wonder if the rest of his skin that he usually kept covered was just as damaged. “Jiminnie-hyung…he was with me. And….I forgave him…no one hates him…no one blames him…”
Very tenderly, Himchan reached over and brushed his fingers over the scarred skin, feeling the different texture and telling immediately that it was caused by hot grease.
“The fuck you think you’re doing?” Namjoon demanded as he stepped from the house, the door not having made a noise when opening and so startled the two. Himchan jumped but was not quick enough, being pulled up by the scruff of his shirt, his coffee spilling to the floor and the glass shattering. “You leave him the fuck alone, you hear me, Kim?!”
“Hyung, stop!” Jungkook stood, not wanting to get in the way, but not thinking it fair that Himchan was treated like this. “Just stop it! You don’t do this to Jiminnie! Don’t do it to Himchan, either!”
Himchan said nothing as he was held, knowing that it would do him no good to fight back or try to defend himself. He had to take it, so his love, his beautiful Angel, wasn’t made aware of the treatment he endured to stay in the house, to stay with him.
The words that Jungkook spoke seemed to catch Namjoon off guard, his eyes flickering to him, but ultimately landing on Himchan once again. “What Jimin did was…different…”
Jungkook growled with annoyance, seeming to have grown tired of the abuse Himchan endured. “It’s not! Jimin threw grease on me! He held my arms over flames! I will never have full usage of my arms again! At least Jongup is still alive!”
“Kookie…” Jimin’s voice took them by surprised, having followed Namjoon out of the house, immediately regretting it as it wasn’t often he was reminded of the time the two of them had to do just about everything horrible under the sun to survive. “I-I…I’m sorry.”
Jungkook shook his head, his hands curling around Namjoon’s to try and release Himchan. “It’s not about that! I don’t care about it anymore, hyung. I’m not angry, I’m not hurt, but I am bothered by this! Jongup doesn’t hate Himchan, he needs him, and you’re going to drive him away!”
With a surprised gasp, Himchan stumbled back and he tried not to let it all get to him. But he said nothing, knowing that when he talked back there was yelling and yelling would get Jongup’s attention and he refused to let his Angel be upset.
“I hope you know I fucking hate you, Himchan.” Namjoon spat out before guiding the two younger men back into the house, knowing that he needed to sit them both down to assure Jimin that he wasn’t a bad person and things were okay with them both.
Only when he was alone did Himchan sit back down, looking at the shattered glass that once housed his coffee. A broken sigh passed his lips and his eyes shut, self-hatred coursing through him intensely. “I hate me, too…”
Italicized parts are flashbacks.
Himchan’s body was covered in sweat and blood and other fluids that he didn’t want to think of, or wasn’t thinking of or couldn’t think of, as his body thrust up into the pliant and yet, at the same time, completely resistant to what he was doing. He didn’t think to stop, to head the pleas from the man that he had had claimed to love for so many months. He didn’t think that the man below him deserved that much mercy.
His fingers curled around the already bruised and bloody wrists of the man who could easily have overpowered him if not for how weak he had grown over the time that he was chained up. Himchan took a sick pleasure in watching as Jongup cried, struggled and just could not manage to find the strength that was necessary to pull from the torturous act of being violated in a way that he had never dreamed.
There was blood. So much blood. There was blood over Himchan’s bare chest, over the man’s muscles that were tensed almost painfully so below him, trying their hardest to push the larger, albeit weaker, man off of him but failing in every sense of the word. Himchan took a sick pleasure in this. Even while he-
The loud clap of thunder was surprising, unexpected and yet Himchan sat up with a start that was unexpected, his heart raced even as he instinctively gathered the love of his life into his arms. The man was whimpering and cowering, clawing at the man’s skin with a desperation like nothing else.
“Sh, sh…I got you…” Himchan’s heart had yet to slow, still feeling wound up from the dream, the nightmare that was unclear and yet lucid in the most horrendous of ways. He shook his head to try and clear his thoughts, not wanting to have those images on the forefront of his mind while he was giving attention to the man who clearly needed him more than air.
“I hate it…I hate when it does that.” Jongup managed out just as he had calmed down, though tensing when another roll of thunder shook the bedroom windows and made his heart skip a beat.
“I know…I know…” Himchan assured him, though wasn’t the least bit surprised when there was a soft knock on the door, knowing it was the youngest, yet tallest, coming in to check onn his best friend, them all knowing the sort of fear in which Jongup had developed for loud storms like this.
The two men on the bed looked at one another, both of them naked but covered, yet Himchan was only waiting for the okay from Jongup to give the okay to Junhong. He didn’t mind being seen in this state, but he knew the sort of trauma that Jongup went through and how it affected him to even this day.
“C-come in!” Jongup called with a deep breath, knowing that he had to be strong. It had been nearly a year, after all, since the incident and he shouldn’t allow any of them to coddle him like they had been this entire time. Even if it made him feel better, made it easier to breathe and just…made his life not so terrible after what he had endured.
Within moments, Junhong is stepping into the room, only wearing a pair of briefs and what looks like the eldest’s shirt, but that was of no matter. He moved towards the bed, the eldest not far behind him as he was never far from his boyfriend, the youngest and most innocent and naïve of the group that was slowly growing in numbers-which was good as Jongup was in no condition to be participating in gang activities and Himchan would never again become violent if he could help it, lest it was on the behalf or at the defense of those he cared for very much. He didn’t near the bed like Junhong did, much preferring to stand back, to glare at Himchan like Himchan was the devil incarnate, which Yongguk did believe him to be after the way that he had tricked and tortured Jongup. The only reason that Himchan was still breathing was that they had all quickly learned that Jongup could not function without Himchan as he had once been able to before.
“You did what you came here to do, Himchan. Get the fuck out of here.” Yongguk’s deep voice growled, his hand resting on his lap as he sat almost too casually. Though, the presence of the glock on the table beside him was noticed by all.
Daehyun stood by the leader’s side, his large arms crossed over his chest as he blinked his single functioning eye. He had been blinded in the raid to retrieve Jongup. A large scar ran across the left side of his perfect face, practically keeping the eye closed, which made no difference as the eye itself was too badly damaged to be used anyways.
Beside Himchan, stood Namjoon-one of the newer recruits, a melding of two groups, but loyal to the core-and Himchan knew that he would not be able to take on the man. He was still quite weakened from the whole ordeal. He was still scarred and his hands had yet to obtain their full function after having been strung up like he had.
“I can’t leave Jongup. I won’t leave him.” Himchan tried, saying what he had said for the thousandth time. It caused no stirring among the men in the room. They all could hear the soft cries and scared whimpers from the other room, Jongup being cuddled by the youngest of the group, his best friend, and another, though the man had only let two touch him since his return.
“You will leave him. I won’t have you here. Namjoon, SoekJin, get him out of here. I don’t want to see him around here again.” Yongguk stated stoically, rising from his seat and leaving the room without another glance towards any of the men. He wouldn’t be questioned and he would make sure that he was understood to the core, that he was not disobeyed.
Himchan winced as his arm was grasped and he was herded from the house, the hideout and home of many of them. He should feel lucky that he wasn’t being killed, though he felt like he was dying, without Jongup.
“It’s just a storm, hyungie….you know the thunder can’t hurt you, especially when you have your big strong hyungie with you…” Junhong said softly, only very slowly moving towards his best friend, knowing that any quick movements could trigger him and they certainly didn’t want Jongup to freak on them when he needed comfort from the storm.
A soft whimper caused Himchan to shudder, disgust quickly filling him after the fact, but he ignored it as it was not something he could stomach to think about right then.
“I-I’m sorry, G-Guk-hyung.” Jongup said, looking at the eldest man with a small and sad smile, knowing that it was the middle of the night and that he had been the reason that they are out of bed.
Yongguk was currently leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his bare, scarred, tattooed chest, a tired smile on his lips as he shook his head. He wouldn’t fault Jongup for the missed sleep. He would never do that. He would instead blame all of this on Himchan and make him suffer for it at a later time when Jongup wasn’t present.
Himchan was blindfolded as he was led back onto the compound. He knew where he was as he had seen Hoseok moments before he’d been stuck with a needle and injected with some sort of…something. His mind was still foggy from it and he could barely move on his own, ending up as dead weight for whoever was dragging him.
He had been blindfolded in the past on his way in and out of the compound, which was probably a major factor into whether he lived or not. He couldn’t lead anyone to them. Them being the gang in which the love of his life was part of, or at least used to be before the incident.
As Himchan neared the house, the hideout, he could hear a horrendous screaming that sent shivers down his spine. Instincts kicked in and before he could even consciously recognize the source of the noise, his body was responding. With violence that was unexpected from someone drugged, Himchan tore his limbs from the captor’s hold, not having been tied up thankfully, though that probably had more to do with just how badly scarred, both mentally and physically, by the metal handcuffs from the incident. When his arms were free, he tore the blindfold from his eyes and made a run for the noise, heading directly into the house. But before he could get to the stairs, knowing that that’s where he needed to be, he was tackled to the ground and restrained quickly. He had little muscle to begin with, so it was no mean feat.
“Jongup!” Himchan shouted as a last resort, knowing that struggling would be futile. It’s only after he yelled the name of his beloved did it fully sink in that it was his Jongup who was screaming, and the only probably explanation, to Himchan, was that he was being tortured, just like had in the past when Himchan had been unable to get to him to save him. “Jongup!”
“Shut him up!” Yongguk’s voice snapped angrily as he stepped down the stairs, looking every bit as exhausted as Himchan felt from being away from Jongup. “If Jongup hears him, I swear to god…”
Himchan opened his mouth to protest, even as he was being lifted off the ground. The guys-whom, with a glance, Himchan found out to be Namjoon and Daehyun-looked none the least bit happy, but were being incredibly considerate and far less rough than they had been when he’d last been escorted out. When the smallest of sounds escaped him, about to turn into another shout, he felt the familiar pressing of the barrel of a gun pressed to his side.
“Shut it, Kim.” Daehyun growled beneath his breath, being the owner of the gun.
Himchan’s lips pursed together to try and keep himself from shouting out again, feeling his whole body tense at the next horrid sounds being released from the younger man. It hurt him in ways he didn’t dare begin to express to hear the love of his life in such pain and yet be unable to do anything about it.
Yongguk finished his trek down the stairs and stood in front of the captive. His eyes were darkened heavily by the lack of sleep, bloodshot and hooded as he obviously had not rested in far too long. His body was slouched and the pallor of his skin looked unhealthy the longer that Himchan looked at him.
What was going on?
“He needs you, Himchan. I would kill you for doing this to him if it wouldn’t kill him, too.”
Himchan’s fingers ran up and down Jongup’s biceps, caressing the skin gently as he remembers how it had once felt to have those strong arms wrapped around him, now lacking in so much muscle. He’d lost a lot of weight, mostly muscle since the incident.
“Do you want me to stay with you for the night?” Junhong’s soft, innocent voice asked the elder man, the one who was fearfully gathered in his boyfriend’s arms. As much as Junhong knew Yongguk hated it when he wasn’t in bed with him, they all knew that Junhong’s love for Jongup was unique in so many ways and to upset the bond would mean certain death by the hand of the leader.
Jongup took a very long moment to answer, so much that Himchan could have sworn that he saw Yongguk nod off in the time it took for a response to be given.
“N-No…” Jongup whispered to his best friend. “M’fine…”
And Himchan knew that he would be. Come morning, he might be clingier, but he would be more coherent, more vocal and like his old self, which is how they all wished for him to be.
“Come on, baby. We should let them sleep.” Yongguk beckoned his younger lover, all of them knowing that they needed to sleep and that sitting in the limbo area that they were would do nothing for them, despite how much they wished for it to.
Junhong took the chance, knowing that it was a toss-up more often than not, but had to take the chance, had to hope that it would be accepted. Very slowly, so as not to startle the already skittish man, he leaned forward to press a very gentle, ever so loving kiss on the man’s cheek. They used to be so much more affectionate, but since the incident, Jongup hadn’t been so accepting of such affectionate actions.
When Jongup not only didn’t reject the kiss, and pressed into it, the three men all tensed, their breaths stopped for a moment like they were afraid that they’d spontaneously combust if they moved too suddenly. When that didn’t seem to be the case, they registered how Jongup was giving the smallest of smiles to his best friend, curling back into Himchan and expecting that to be it. Which they could all understand given the fact that he had done something so unexpected.
Without further words, Junhong pulled back and left the room with his hyung, the two of them returning to bed despite the storm that continued to register outside their home.
“I-I wanna sleep now, hyungie…” Jongup requested very carefully, still holding some faded fears from the incident and sometimes anticipated an unfavorable touch if he asked for too much.
Himchan said nothing, still barely awake himself, but does guide Jongup to lay down, knowing that they both needed to get their sleep and while Himchan doubted he would be going back to sleep after the dream that he had, he would at least try to rest while he had the love of his life in his arms.
“What are you doing to him?!” Himchan demanded, knowing that even a single sound could end his life, but he couldn’t just stand there and accept the horrific screams that were escaping his beautiful other half. The other half he hadn’t seen in weeks. And it showed. He lacked a healthy color to his skin, as well. He had lost a scary amount of weight, and had his own bags beneath his eyes that rivaled the leader’s.
“We aren’t doing anything, Kim.” Yongguk snapped, taking a deep breath after the fact to calm himself, knowing that getting worked up wouldn’t do anything for him. “He’s exhausted and having another episode. Junhong and I can’t get near him without him lashing out at us. So we gotta tie him up or he’ll hurt himself.”
Those words sent a wave of disgust through Himchan.
“Untie him.” Himchan snarled out. Nothing angered him more than someone hurting his other half, especially in a way that would be hard for him to come back from psychologically.
“You go fucking untie him.” Yongguk growled back at him.
The words were shocking to hear, so unprecedented, but Daehyun and Namjoon obeyed without question even if they thought their leader and fellow friend mad for being so willing to let Himchan back into their home, near their weakest.
But Himchan was grateful.
The moment that he was released, he took the stairs two at a time, rushing into Jongup’s room, ignoring the maknae as he sat outside the door, his face buried into his knees that were brought up to his chest. He was crying and upset, seeming distraught that he could do nothing for his best friend. Himchan did not care.
The next morning, when the storm abated to a light drizzling with only the occasional roll of thunder, Himchan found himself on the porch, nursing a cup of coffee that was greatly appreciated. Jongup was in the media room, watching something to keep him distracted from the storm that would still cause him to whimper if not for his best friend curled right up against him.
The door creaked open.
“You take good care of him…” The newly acquired maknae spoke, his voice light as he settled himself down next to Himchan. “I…I know I wasn’t around when…it all went down…but I see how much you love him...”
Himchan let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head while he sipped his warm coffee. “I love him more than anything else in the entire world. You weren’t around kid, but…you’d hate me, too. Hell, even I hate me. What I did was…what happened was horrible. I get why everyone is angry with me and why everyone treats me like they do. I don’t hold it against them. I don’t blame them because…well, because it’s alright. I won’t leave Jongup.”
Jungkook nodded his head, knowing that what he had briefly heard about the incident didn’t really touch on what had really happened, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries so early on and ask things that might get him killed. Jongup was the most protected and watched among them all. Other than the previous maknae, Junhong, the leader cared for no one else so greatly.
“Why does he scream at night, Channie-hyung?” Jungkook asked before he thought about, before he could stop himself as that touched on things he knew that he was not supposed to talk about, things he was told never to mention since things were the way that they were for a reason.
Himchan cringed and let silence fall between them for a long moment before he thought that maybe Jungkook knew of what happened, of what made everyone else hate him.
“I…I was part of…a rival gang…I got with Jongup with the intention of getting to Yongguk.” His voice was soft and he took a breath and a sip of his coffee before he continued. His eyes were straight ahead, watching the rain as it fell to the ground, a light roll of thunder breaking the monotonous sound. “But I fell in love…dear god, I fell hard. And I couldn’t do it, but it was too late for me to get out. There was a raid and…fuck, my leader took Jongup on purpose. He made sure to grab Jongup…to get back at me…”
Jungkook’s eyes were wide as he took in the information, staying silent as he felt that there was so much more that he didn’t know, so much more to be told and he knew that it could only get worse from here.
“I…the moment I found out it was Jongup, I found Yongguk, but…to keep us both alive, I…had to go along with it. For nearly a week…I had to…fuck, the shit I did to him…” Himchan’s throat tightened and he tried not to cry, and yet…he knew that it was not his right to cry. He was hated for a reason.
For a long time, neither knew what to say, but it was Jungkook who broke the silence, surprisingly without hatred or disgust, instead with an understanding voice that spoke of things Himchan had not expected. “Namjoon-hyung…found me. I’m from Busan, but…was kidnapped when I was eight. To survive…I had to do a lot…” Without pause, he pulled up the sleeves of his sweater, baring his forearms that were covered in burns and cuts, making Himchan wonder if the rest of his skin that he usually kept covered was just as damaged. “Jiminnie-hyung…he was with me. And….I forgave him…no one hates him…no one blames him…”
Very tenderly, Himchan reached over and brushed his fingers over the scarred skin, feeling the different texture and telling immediately that it was caused by hot grease.
“The fuck you think you’re doing?” Namjoon demanded as he stepped from the house, the door not having made a noise when opening and so startled the two. Himchan jumped but was not quick enough, being pulled up by the scruff of his shirt, his coffee spilling to the floor and the glass shattering. “You leave him the fuck alone, you hear me, Kim?!”
“Hyung, stop!” Jungkook stood, not wanting to get in the way, but not thinking it fair that Himchan was treated like this. “Just stop it! You don’t do this to Jiminnie! Don’t do it to Himchan, either!”
Himchan said nothing as he was held, knowing that it would do him no good to fight back or try to defend himself. He had to take it, so his love, his beautiful Angel, wasn’t made aware of the treatment he endured to stay in the house, to stay with him.
The words that Jungkook spoke seemed to catch Namjoon off guard, his eyes flickering to him, but ultimately landing on Himchan once again. “What Jimin did was…different…”
Jungkook growled with annoyance, seeming to have grown tired of the abuse Himchan endured. “It’s not! Jimin threw grease on me! He held my arms over flames! I will never have full usage of my arms again! At least Jongup is still alive!”
“Kookie…” Jimin’s voice took them by surprised, having followed Namjoon out of the house, immediately regretting it as it wasn’t often he was reminded of the time the two of them had to do just about everything horrible under the sun to survive. “I-I…I’m sorry.”
Jungkook shook his head, his hands curling around Namjoon’s to try and release Himchan. “It’s not about that! I don’t care about it anymore, hyung. I’m not angry, I’m not hurt, but I am bothered by this! Jongup doesn’t hate Himchan, he needs him, and you’re going to drive him away!”
With a surprised gasp, Himchan stumbled back and he tried not to let it all get to him. But he said nothing, knowing that when he talked back there was yelling and yelling would get Jongup’s attention and he refused to let his Angel be upset.
“I hope you know I fucking hate you, Himchan.” Namjoon spat out before guiding the two younger men back into the house, knowing that he needed to sit them both down to assure Jimin that he wasn’t a bad person and things were okay with them both.
Only when he was alone did Himchan sit back down, looking at the shattered glass that once housed his coffee. A broken sigh passed his lips and his eyes shut, self-hatred coursing through him intensely. “I hate me, too…”