(no subject)
"It was all beautiful and nothing hurt"
-Kurt Vonnegut
The idea was to delete this as a useless appendage - and i did for awhile. But it was too hard to not have this here, knowing for sure there was no one who would come and save me. So here it is again; surely hope is the worst kind of poison.
Instructor driving time yesterday and i spent the first 30 minutes convincing her I was indeed 22. There is a certain kind of person that doesn't mind airing their dirty laundry to strangers - I am one of them and so was my instructor; a pale pink forty year old bus driver. By the end of the two hours I was petrified of pissing her off. "I tell you I'm crazy! I'm crazy" she kept bleating - and I agreed with her. She told me about a boy who spit up orange soda on her bus - he just opened his mouth and let it pour out all over the floor. "And I'm crazy" said the bus driver. "cuz i didn't need to go to that vending machine, and i didn't need to buy that bottle of fruit punch, and I didn't need to wait by that boy's bus stop after school (they all said 'Mrs. Madeline, Mrs Madeline, what are you doing here' - an I just smiled), and I didn't need to stay at that bus stop until he got off from class, and i sure didn't need to pore that punch all over him - my mother says 'you're too crazy, you need to quit that job', but i'm telling you that what i do with my free time is my business."
I said that the boy was a little punk for being grown and spitting up his soda and that he got what he deserved. She had me drive by the three dollar movie theatre to see what was playing. I asked her if they would still give you free popcorn there if you brought your own bag; she ignored me, got out her cell phone, and had a loud argument with her daughter on speakerphone. Daughter had gotton kicked out of grandma's house for refusing to do the dishes. Her mom tried to seem frustrated but I could tell she was actually kind of proud. She hung up on her daughter. "You know i came downstairs this morning to let the dog out of the kennel and there was blood everywhere! There was blood everywhere and it was coming out of the dogs vagina!" I gasped politly - but i think i could have told her why blood might be going that. This whole story was nearly screamed at me and a fleck of spit hit my index finger on the wheel. "I freaked out and called my husband and said ohmygodbloodiscomingoutofTHISDOGSVAGINA. So he took her to the vet and the vet said she was in HEAT!" "My dogs were always spaaaaade" I said lamely - actually we used to keep vada in toddler sized diapers while she was in heat.
"I dont deal with pets" she said "I've got my grandchild - who I have custody of . . ." i didnt ask how the two were related.
Mrs. M agreed to have her next student drop me off at the light rail station. "This boy cant drive at all." she said, and the boy was a lanky six foot tall indian guy with tight floodpants. He gaped at me through the window before he got in. "Why is he looking at me?" I asked mrs M. "I'm telling you, why do they always give me these fucking dorks." she shook her head.
Later that night jeff IMed me and told me he was back in chicago. BACK in chicago - which means he was in baltimore at one point and didn't give me a call. Desipite the absolute stupididty of having this hurt my feelings it went ahead and did anyway. He was into me - and now he isn't - and to know why would be more hurtful then to just forget it.
Today Keek and i went to Eastern State Penitentary in philidelphi, this awsome gothic old prison (http://www.easternstate.org/) Randomly steve buscemi gave the recorded audio tours and i must say i was quite star struck. The prison was used as the insane asylum in the movie twelve monkeys (the one brad pitt was hopping around in) I looked for ghosts but did not see any. They had let a couple artists do instillations in the prisons - sculpture and film mostly - every so often there'd be a television howling unwatched in some empty cell. It was pretty wild. I also thought philidelphia wasn't half bad - wouldn't mind going to med school there.
I'm telling you i hate being alone - if it were up to me i would have someone beside me always.
-Kurt Vonnegut
The idea was to delete this as a useless appendage - and i did for awhile. But it was too hard to not have this here, knowing for sure there was no one who would come and save me. So here it is again; surely hope is the worst kind of poison.
Instructor driving time yesterday and i spent the first 30 minutes convincing her I was indeed 22. There is a certain kind of person that doesn't mind airing their dirty laundry to strangers - I am one of them and so was my instructor; a pale pink forty year old bus driver. By the end of the two hours I was petrified of pissing her off. "I tell you I'm crazy! I'm crazy" she kept bleating - and I agreed with her. She told me about a boy who spit up orange soda on her bus - he just opened his mouth and let it pour out all over the floor. "And I'm crazy" said the bus driver. "cuz i didn't need to go to that vending machine, and i didn't need to buy that bottle of fruit punch, and I didn't need to wait by that boy's bus stop after school (they all said 'Mrs. Madeline, Mrs Madeline, what are you doing here' - an I just smiled), and I didn't need to stay at that bus stop until he got off from class, and i sure didn't need to pore that punch all over him - my mother says 'you're too crazy, you need to quit that job', but i'm telling you that what i do with my free time is my business."
I said that the boy was a little punk for being grown and spitting up his soda and that he got what he deserved. She had me drive by the three dollar movie theatre to see what was playing. I asked her if they would still give you free popcorn there if you brought your own bag; she ignored me, got out her cell phone, and had a loud argument with her daughter on speakerphone. Daughter had gotton kicked out of grandma's house for refusing to do the dishes. Her mom tried to seem frustrated but I could tell she was actually kind of proud. She hung up on her daughter. "You know i came downstairs this morning to let the dog out of the kennel and there was blood everywhere! There was blood everywhere and it was coming out of the dogs vagina!" I gasped politly - but i think i could have told her why blood might be going that. This whole story was nearly screamed at me and a fleck of spit hit my index finger on the wheel. "I freaked out and called my husband and said ohmygodbloodiscomingoutofTHISDOGSVAGINA. So he took her to the vet and the vet said she was in HEAT!" "My dogs were always spaaaaade" I said lamely - actually we used to keep vada in toddler sized diapers while she was in heat.
"I dont deal with pets" she said "I've got my grandchild - who I have custody of . . ." i didnt ask how the two were related.
Mrs. M agreed to have her next student drop me off at the light rail station. "This boy cant drive at all." she said, and the boy was a lanky six foot tall indian guy with tight floodpants. He gaped at me through the window before he got in. "Why is he looking at me?" I asked mrs M. "I'm telling you, why do they always give me these fucking dorks." she shook her head.
Later that night jeff IMed me and told me he was back in chicago. BACK in chicago - which means he was in baltimore at one point and didn't give me a call. Desipite the absolute stupididty of having this hurt my feelings it went ahead and did anyway. He was into me - and now he isn't - and to know why would be more hurtful then to just forget it.
Today Keek and i went to Eastern State Penitentary in philidelphi, this awsome gothic old prison (http://www.easternstate.org/) Randomly steve buscemi gave the recorded audio tours and i must say i was quite star struck. The prison was used as the insane asylum in the movie twelve monkeys (the one brad pitt was hopping around in) I looked for ghosts but did not see any. They had let a couple artists do instillations in the prisons - sculpture and film mostly - every so often there'd be a television howling unwatched in some empty cell. It was pretty wild. I also thought philidelphia wasn't half bad - wouldn't mind going to med school there.
I'm telling you i hate being alone - if it were up to me i would have someone beside me always.