30 Days Meme - Day 1
So, in a sleep deprived fit of I don't know what, I decided to do this meme. Hopefully it will help with my issues with not finishing things I start.
Also, I am being EDGY by starting it in the middle of the month. EDGY, I SAY.
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Oh dear. The first day absolutely has to talk about relationships. Maybe I should have thought this over more.
Okay, well... no. There are no relationships here for me.
Well, that's not entirely true. I am conducting a completely online fair bit less than platonic thing with a lovely girl in Pittsburgh, who is beautiful and smart and loving and all sorts of things, and have been for several years now. It will never progress any further than what it currently is (emails, photos, and the occasional SMS) because she's married, with kids, not going to leave him, and you know on the other side of the world and I've been there and it didn't work out. *deep breath* And when I say "girl" she's not really, she'd be 35 this year. But TBH I still think of myself as a girl... woman reminds me of my mother.
And that's totally off the topic of relationships so back on track.
There are no REAL LIFE relationships happening here. (digital ones don't count, either) Unfortunately.
Here's the thing. On the one hand I'd like to be in one. I love love. I'd love to be with someone. I miss sex like I can't even say (2.5 years and counting, which sad to say is only one third of my all time celibacy record). I miss snuggling. I miss doing silly things together, having someone to talk to, getting a hug whenever, cooking for someone else, stupid things like that.
On the other... it's a. so much easier not to be, especially with shift work and my obsessive gaming and fangirling; and b. it's kind of (absolutely very much) scary. Relationships and me tend to not work. My last long term relationship ended in blood and police and courts. That sort of thing tends to put one off the idea. But... I'm still hopelessly romantic. And lonely (some times more than others). And an unrepentant romantic (which I may have already mentioned).
It would just be a matter of finding someone able to put up with me and my shit in return for... hm well I don't know.
Which brings me to the other part of why I am not in a relationship, which is because I really don't like myself. And if I don't like myself, how can I expect someone else to?
I don't like myself. Sometimes I absolutely hate myself. I also just plain don't care about/for myself, and caring is one of those important things, I've discovered.
Also, and to be completely honest (if a bit embarrassed), unless a prospective partner meets up to the standards imposed by my Bioware Boyfriends, then... it probably won't happen. If I could ever find someone who was my Alistair, my Carth, my Anders, my Kaidan, my Valen... Someone who was tender, sensitive, strong, a little bit magical, smart, funny, a dreamer... who put me first, not last, not second; who laughed at my stupid jokes and commiserated with my cooking/writing/working failures; who genuinely wanted to be with me; who liked and got on with my friends and wasn't afraid to let me meet theirs; who understood my need to anthropomorphise things and referred to my computer by name; who respected the fact that I am not skinny, have never been skinny, will never be skinny, and in fact actually liked my jiggly bits...
(You know. The important things.)
Sigh. Maybe I should just get myself a cat and stocks in Energiser and be done with it.
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - What you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - A passage from a book that has touched you.
Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favourite photo of yourself and why.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - A photo of you in the last item of clothing you bought.
Day 19 - Discuss disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favourite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past two years?
Day 23 - Give five pictures of guys/girls who are famous and you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favourite movie and what it's about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next thirty days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month. This entry was originally posted at http://drakontion.dreamwidth.org/36433.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Also, I am being EDGY by starting it in the middle of the month. EDGY, I SAY.
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Oh dear. The first day absolutely has to talk about relationships. Maybe I should have thought this over more.
Okay, well... no. There are no relationships here for me.
Well, that's not entirely true. I am conducting a completely online fair bit less than platonic thing with a lovely girl in Pittsburgh, who is beautiful and smart and loving and all sorts of things, and have been for several years now. It will never progress any further than what it currently is (emails, photos, and the occasional SMS) because she's married, with kids, not going to leave him, and you know on the other side of the world and I've been there and it didn't work out. *deep breath* And when I say "girl" she's not really, she'd be 35 this year. But TBH I still think of myself as a girl... woman reminds me of my mother.
And that's totally off the topic of relationships so back on track.
There are no REAL LIFE relationships happening here. (digital ones don't count, either) Unfortunately.
Here's the thing. On the one hand I'd like to be in one. I love love. I'd love to be with someone. I miss sex like I can't even say (2.5 years and counting, which sad to say is only one third of my all time celibacy record). I miss snuggling. I miss doing silly things together, having someone to talk to, getting a hug whenever, cooking for someone else, stupid things like that.
On the other... it's a. so much easier not to be, especially with shift work and my obsessive gaming and fangirling; and b. it's kind of (absolutely very much) scary. Relationships and me tend to not work. My last long term relationship ended in blood and police and courts. That sort of thing tends to put one off the idea. But... I'm still hopelessly romantic. And lonely (some times more than others). And an unrepentant romantic (which I may have already mentioned).
It would just be a matter of finding someone able to put up with me and my shit in return for... hm well I don't know.
Which brings me to the other part of why I am not in a relationship, which is because I really don't like myself. And if I don't like myself, how can I expect someone else to?
I don't like myself. Sometimes I absolutely hate myself. I also just plain don't care about/for myself, and caring is one of those important things, I've discovered.
Also, and to be completely honest (if a bit embarrassed), unless a prospective partner meets up to the standards imposed by my Bioware Boyfriends, then... it probably won't happen. If I could ever find someone who was my Alistair, my Carth, my Anders, my Kaidan, my Valen... Someone who was tender, sensitive, strong, a little bit magical, smart, funny, a dreamer... who put me first, not last, not second; who laughed at my stupid jokes and commiserated with my cooking/writing/working failures; who genuinely wanted to be with me; who liked and got on with my friends and wasn't afraid to let me meet theirs; who understood my need to anthropomorphise things and referred to my computer by name; who respected the fact that I am not skinny, have never been skinny, will never be skinny, and in fact actually liked my jiggly bits...
(You know. The important things.)
Sigh. Maybe I should just get myself a cat and stocks in Energiser and be done with it.
Day 02 - Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - What you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - A passage from a book that has touched you.
Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you'd like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favourite photo of yourself and why.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - A photo of you in the last item of clothing you bought.
Day 19 - Discuss disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favourite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past two years?
Day 23 - Give five pictures of guys/girls who are famous and you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favourite movie and what it's about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next thirty days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month. This entry was originally posted at http://drakontion.dreamwidth.org/36433.html. Please comment there using OpenID.