(no subject)
i've often said, perhaps only to the end of furthering claims that i'm incorrigibly type A, that everyone should just do what they're supposed to do. that's complete bullshit, of course, on several levels. it contradicts my unwillingness to make even the slightest obligatory measure, and i can in no way expect adherence to obviously subjective, arbitrary and capricious rules. this all serves to make me some kind of compunctious control freak, i'm sure, but amy vanderbuilt's complete book of etiquette stands as an anchor on my bookshelf and i know that if lobster cracking and asparagus eating can be standardized and explicated upon in a volume so large as to require those little alphabetical dividers that are built right into the pages there has to be some way of codifying the more basic and fundamental aspects of interpersonal relationships.
probably i desire this only because my own personal rules of governance are so punctilious, absurd and often inconsistent that they require a published manual both to observe and interpret. maybe it's an unwillingness to assert myself or codependence upon others for the honesty, directness and self assuredness i sometimes lack. if i can consult a formal text i can depersonalize my demands and remain comfortably detached or somehow unaccountable.
certainly i've considered the opposite. that i'm accepting too much responsibility. likely for reasons similar to those above i'm unwilling to rely upon or invest in others. is it necessary that i spell out requests like "please have more tact than to try and fuck my friends in my kitchen when just the other night you were attempting to fornicate with me" or "maybe you know i'm self-conscious about appearing maternal or overbearing and you don't contribute by making me ask you not to spill hot dog juice on the floor or put your feet on the wall in the house" or "how about you be honest with you so you can be honest with me cause i'm not sure anymore that everything is better left unsaid". these seem like guidelines pretty easy to glean from 3 days of human interaction, but it seems a lifetime often isn't enough to get it right. sure it's not as dichotomous and i can't compartmentalize so easily as to suggest that some perceptions of interpersonal communication are self oriented while other's are other oriented, if that's even possible by definition.
i'm the only reason i feel like an a-hole. my thoughts determine my feelings, but i don't know what to think of how much i can reasonably ask or assume of anyone, if anything. is it a fine line between implicitness and passiveness? are they even on the same page? guess who's probably never going to find out or get their manual published? which probably means i should grow some balls and stop approaching this as though it is so complex.
probably i desire this only because my own personal rules of governance are so punctilious, absurd and often inconsistent that they require a published manual both to observe and interpret. maybe it's an unwillingness to assert myself or codependence upon others for the honesty, directness and self assuredness i sometimes lack. if i can consult a formal text i can depersonalize my demands and remain comfortably detached or somehow unaccountable.
certainly i've considered the opposite. that i'm accepting too much responsibility. likely for reasons similar to those above i'm unwilling to rely upon or invest in others. is it necessary that i spell out requests like "please have more tact than to try and fuck my friends in my kitchen when just the other night you were attempting to fornicate with me" or "maybe you know i'm self-conscious about appearing maternal or overbearing and you don't contribute by making me ask you not to spill hot dog juice on the floor or put your feet on the wall in the house" or "how about you be honest with you so you can be honest with me cause i'm not sure anymore that everything is better left unsaid". these seem like guidelines pretty easy to glean from 3 days of human interaction, but it seems a lifetime often isn't enough to get it right. sure it's not as dichotomous and i can't compartmentalize so easily as to suggest that some perceptions of interpersonal communication are self oriented while other's are other oriented, if that's even possible by definition.
i'm the only reason i feel like an a-hole. my thoughts determine my feelings, but i don't know what to think of how much i can reasonably ask or assume of anyone, if anything. is it a fine line between implicitness and passiveness? are they even on the same page? guess who's probably never going to find out or get their manual published? which probably means i should grow some balls and stop approaching this as though it is so complex.