i close my eyes

[solarpurpura]

Who: Eden and you. (open)
What: Sad creeper girl is sad.
Where: In the city /or/ Eden's place of solace.
When: Night
Warnings: Je suis au désespoir.

There is an empty place in her arms where Sapphira should be. It is cold at night without her daughter, and as the awareness of that fundamental lack penetrates her consciousness, the nightmares

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[solarpurpura]

There are ghosts and demons hidden away in every corner of the world. Sins and black magic lurking in the veins of the very earth. This what Eden has always known, the same dark threads running throughout her own blood, turning it thick and tarry, a disgusting ooze, but ripe with power.

Although this place, the river that she has always wandered to in search of solace, has been conjured up from her memories of home, the Hill, the black dirt beneath her feet is not the same. There are no millenniums of blood seeped in the soil, there is no crooked house perched amongst the shadows, no Mother, no creatures beneath ground. That lack continues to pierce at Eden, reminding her that she is cold and she is alone.

Even as she becomes aware of the sound of footsteps behind her, she knows she is alone. What is a Morrison alone and far from the Hill? Nothing, only wasted flesh and wasted power, blood to be drained. Eden stares at herself in the warped reflection the clear mountain water returns to her, her eyes black pocks in face, her mouth a twisted line with her tears. She feels as if she is looking at that sorrow from somewhere just above herself, disconnected to the grief, but still entangled with it.

It is disconcerting, the sense of not quite recognizing her own reflection. She closes her eyes, shoulders hunching in around her as she lowers her chin down into chest.

She is alone. A small world with only Eden and the gelid slice of the river. Where is Sapphira...

[itaidakimasu]

Yako frowns when the other doesn't so much as stir, and cautiously begins to move forwards. The sound of her footfalls are softened by the thick detritus of vegetation coating the ground as she draws near, but still the woman doesn't turn. Yako brushes back an errant strand of blond and wonders if she simply hadn't been heard. She had communicated with both D and Ladon while in the same room before, but they had been standing close together.

Hesitantly, she reaches out, stopping short a few inches before actually touching the figure's shoulder. Her constant abuse at the hands of her demon boss had only increased her natural courtesy for the personal space of others, and she knew first hand that startling somebody who was already upset could end quite badly.

Excuse me...? she tries again, brown eyes full of concern.

[solarpurpura]

It is good that she does not touch. The young woman in question would not appreciate it, all her life her skin has bruised easily, hands turned purple from handshakes, arms turned blue from hugs. Her brothers know how best to gentle her, her daughter knows how best to sooth.

Even still, even though she has not been touched, Eden gathers herself away from that hand. She looks up through the nest of dark hair that has fallen across her face, her cheeks are wet and her eyes are dark, but there is something feral and wounded there. Do not touch me. Do not.

She stares at the other girl. She does not have her own portal with her, but the device that Yako carries picks up well enough for the both of them. The first thought to fully settle into her mind in clarity is,

Who are you.

[itaidakimasu]

Yako has always been too emotional, has always cared just a bit too much. And the expression on Eden's face tugs violently on her heartstrings. a sorrowful expression flits across her face and she feels a momentary spike of resentment towards the people who dragged them all here. Yako was used to shoving her true emotions behind a smile, but not everybody had that luxury.

My name is Yako. It's soft, and her hand drops back to her side. Her shoulders are loose; everything about her pose screams that she means no harm. I...didn't mean to walk in on you, but is there anything I can do to help? It isn't fair, she thinks, that most of them are alone in all the ways that count, despite facing the same displacement and cohabiting with each other.

Being strangers from different worlds seems like an insurmountable barrier at first glance, but Yako knows far too much about crying alone in the dark to stand by and let someone else do it without even trying to help.

[solarpurpura]

She stares at the stranger, Yako, in total silence, her thoughts gathered in tightly to herself, mind empty, leaving only a numb aching behind as her tears continue to roll down her cheeks. It is her normal state, that numbness, her emotions are a meaningless weight in reality, and she prefers to keep them in their tiny little box. She prefers not focus, she prefers not to hurt and the offer to help only forces her attention more closely on that pain.

So she closes it off. She does not need help, as there is nothing wrong. Nothing wrong at all. (Only emptiness, and the facade crumbles: too much emptiness, Sapphira is not here and all her sacrifices and loneliness are as meaningless as she is without her daughter here.)

If this strange dream world allowed sounds in the nighttime, Eden would have wailed with the force of it, her expression crumbling from blank mask to despairing child. She is in this beautiful dreamworld with all these wonderful things, and some creature other than herself was raising her daughter.

Her thoughts refuse to focus into anything more concrete than, Where is Sapphira. With the thought comes a clear image of a young girl, a toddler with dark hair and dark eyes.

[itaidakimasu]

Yako swallows thicklyas her eyes begin to sting, but valiantly fights against the sensations. She promised Neuro she wouldn't cry so much any more. She promised. She promised him she wouldn't but it's not fair that this woman is hurting, or that they're all hurting, or that she's been ripped away from her world.

It's not fair.

There's nothing fair about being ripped away from a little girl this woman obviously loves so much it's breaking her heart, about the shadows in Ladon's eyes, about people being rent from their friends and lives, about possibly never seeing her mother (an image of a smiling, lovely woman with dark hair and eyes) again after having to deal with losing her father (dark hair, warm eyes and a cheerful, easy grin, then a flash of a corpse, brutally slashed), it's not fair, not fair....

It's not fair.

And silently, the tears break free and slip down her cheeks.

[solarpurpura]

The absolute silence of the neat devours up their sorrow neatly, somehow making the sensation all the more cloying. The release of weeping is somewhat diminished in the quiet. It is strange to Eden, that her own tears should cause another's. She has never known much about empathy, it is not one of the great lessons that her mother passed down to her. It had no place alongside the black magicks, no place in blood sacrifice, or consumption of human flesh. She does not understand it, and she makes no move to stop it.

They are both as entitled to their tears as the other and there is no reason why they should not run their course. Eden cries until her throat hurts too much to sustain it any longer, until she is able to sit and breathe without her mouth trembling.

Her eyes begin to sting dryly from all the salt to pass their lids and she goes forward onto her knees at the edge of the stream, unmindful of whether or not she gets dirt on her skirts. She fills the cup of her hands with water and slowly washes the sorrow from her face. She remains there, with her head hanging forward, she wonders if she should call the other girl to come and wash her face, but cannot quite convince herself to move yet.

[itaidakimasu]

Yako bites down on her lip and squeezes her eyes shut, but it does little to lessen the heaving of her shoulders or the tears coursing down her face. She cries for her father, and her mother, for Sai and Sasazuka and Aya and all the people she knew and might never see again. She cries for the peopple here, and this woman, and the lives their missing, letting despair swallow her up for the moment.

When she finally calms down, her jaw is throbbing with the dull ache that comes from clenching it too hard for too long. Her tears are beginning to dry, leaving behind an itch on her cheeks and a sick, spent feeling in the back of her throat.

Meekly, she moves forwards and drops to her knees beside the woman, copying her movements and washing the remaining streaks of salt from her face. She feels almost tired after letting out all of her pent up frustration and sorrow. She really does try her best to grin and bear, but when Yako breaks, it's like knocking down the floodgates entirely.

[solarpurpura]

Wet hair sticks to her face as she lifts her head. She tilts it all the way back to look up at the night sky. The stars that appear there are as much an illusion as this place, the constellations unable to align themselves above this ephemeral world the way they do. Eden admires them for a moment anyway before she stands, bare toes curling in the mud, she holds out a hand to Yako patiently so that she can lead the girl over to a fallen tree to sit.

[itaidakimasu]

Yako's hand slides into the offered one as she pushes to her feet. Her grip is soft and almost nonexistent--as if she was trying to grip something as delicate as a spiderweb and feared it would collapse if tugged with just a bit too much force. It only seems right, after that moment, to trust this woman not to lead her astray in a dark and unfamiliar forest.

[solarpurpura]

Eden does not lead her very far at all. Even in the darkness, Eden knows her Hill well and does not trip over the shape of the fallen tree in the gloom. She lets go of Yako's small hand as she settles onto it. The wood is a little damp, but Eden has already allowed herself to be muddied and has never bothered herself with it overmuch. Filth is the way of their family, dirt under nails and knots in hair, wild and unquestionably savage. It showed more in her mother and in her sisters. Adina smiled like a wolf and Helah had wild eyes, while their littlest sister was merely eerie in her emptiness. Already an incredibly quiet girl, the imposed silence of the night is no deterrent.

Eden brushes mud from her calves absentmindedly anyway, thinking idly about her daughter laughing in a warm bath. She is out of tears by this point, and the thoughts only stoke the chill of exhaustion inside of her.

[itaidakimasu]

Yako barely hesitates before taking a sea as well. Her skirt can be washed, after all, and this strange companionship, morose and melancholy as it seems, is not something she wants to end. Misery, she reflects, may not love company, but it would never shun it when given the chance.

For about an hour I thought this place might be some strange form of Hell, she admits, reluctantly breaking the silence between them. But then I realized that was silly. I have an inkling of what Hell is like, and it doesn't match up. In a way, this place is much, much worse, because it tries to accommodate you. To make you feel like you belong. That it's a nice place to live your life. But it's not nearly good enough compared to everything it steals you from, and that's unforgivable.

She's not entirely sure why she's spilling these thoughts to this stranger--thoughts she always pushed back and pasted a smile over. But the words feel right and she can't bring herself to regret them.

[solarpurpura]

Eden listens. She doesn't, always, is prone to letting the world wash over her in favor of what is comfortable and safe to her. Tonight has not been about comfort or safety and so she listens.

Hell is what you make of it. Her mind's voice is much more measured now, less desperate and despairing. If they had brought me here three years ago, I would have never wanted to leave.

Perfect honesty. She might have missed her brothers and her father, but there would have been no nightmares, there would have been no Sapphira to return. Freedom from her mother and her sisters was worth a little loss. She knows no one would have blamed her for it, mother might even have replaced with a new daughter, or forced Helah to take Eden's place.

[itaidakimasu]

I'm scared I'll stop wanting to. The admission is soaked in honest terror, all but dripping with it. Genero-san said we'll start 'remembering' soon; that everything will start to become familiar 'again'. It's obvious that she doesn't believe that they were really only dreaming, but she doesn't doubt that Promenade and its various caretakers will do their best to make it seem true.

Looking at the mirror hurts, but it helps. A little bit, anyways. It's a bit like carving a name into her own arm repeatedly so as not to forget it, but it works.

[solarpurpura]

It has always been familiar. Truly, Eden wonders if she is the only one who walked in to this place willing, who had visited so many different dream worlds. She had never expected to be stuck here, but she had not shied from coming.

[itaidakimasu]

...oh. Her 'voice' becomes subdued once again, but this time in a more thoughtful manner. ....you might be right about that. But...it's so... Faded. But Yako can't be blamed for her disconnection from the dream world. For nearly a year, the only sleep she's managed to get was either peppered with nightmares centered around the death and misery she had been shoved into, or through medication. Even here she had trouble sleeping without help.