i close my eyes

[solarpurpura]

Who: Eden and you. (open)
What: Sad creeper girl is sad.
Where: In the city /or/ Eden's place of solace.
When: Night
Warnings: Je suis au désespoir.

There is an empty place in her arms where Sapphira should be. It is cold at night without her daughter, and as the awareness of that fundamental lack penetrates her consciousness, the nightmares

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[truailligh]

Old habits die hard and even in the absence of death - something that still leaves her unsettled because death always happens, except in this strange endless city - Shirley still goes out fairly late, trying to ignore intrusive voices in her own mind as she makes sense of this place, walking for hours and hours until she's left limping back to the house she stays in. And while she can't see if tairngreacht works, there are other magics she can explore and so she finds a secluded spot, opens up one of the old scars on a rarely bared leg and thinks: claochlaigh.

And to her great surprise it works and there's a rustle and a crack and where she would normally caw, there is silence.

A hooded crow is instead where the girl once was and it takes flight, circling lazily around and around until the forest is spotted and even if things are not the same as the woods of home, the feel is more or less like the woods there, especially in the dark and as the crow, it doesn't matter if she talks or not although she has no idea if her thoughts can

[solarpurpura]

Crows are not allowed on the Hill. Not since Badb Catha's littlest one spoke to the harpy on Father's behalf. Eden sees its shadow cast from overhead and turns her wet face up to stare at the creature. This is not the Hill, not truly it is only a dream and the crows come and go as they please. Badb's crows had never paid much mind to Mother's edicts anyway, why would they take to the words of a witch when they served a goddess? The crows still loved her father, even if he was no longer allowed to love them in kind, even if the littlest crow looked sour whenever she spoke to him.

A tradition in their family... to be watched by the birds. Her sons would have guardians of their own, when she was old enough to bear them.

Eden wonders if the bird is part of the dreamworld, or one of the dreamers.

[truailligh]

It's with a start that Shirley recognises Eden and if it were possible for a crow to look concerned, this crow would. As it is though, she leaves the branch to land on the ground (because the last time she shifted back whilst in a tree, she fell out and well, she doesn't heal well at all) and tentatively tries the thinking thing.

It's a pain in the arse to not be able to talk properly at night, it really is.

Are you alright Eden?

[solarpurpura]

She covers her mouth with her hands, and every time she blinks, more tears tumble off of her dark lashes. She had not expected the bird to be a visitor for her, or to be someone who knew her name. She wishes, right then, that it was Dallas come to tell her that her father misses her, and that Sapphira will be all right.

It isn't Dallas.

Miss Shirley? She knows she has been asked not to call her 'miss' but it slips out too easily for her to truly care at the moment.

[truailligh]

Yeah, seeing what works and what doesn't here. Well, whatever she can test on herself without any willing 'help' one way or another and without risking the loss of too much blood.

Why are you out here alone in the dark? Crying? And strangely, it's so much easier to reach out when she's not human, for reasons she doesn't really care to analyse right now so she just hopes closer, feathers ruffling up to keep her warm in the cold.

[solarpurpura]

She recalls that Shirley had explained to her, a little bit, about struggling with her magicks in a world without death. Eden still retained faith that she should kill whoever she needed to in order to sustain herself, but... now was not the moment to insist so again. It didn't truly enter her mind to besides, her thoughts had gone blank at being asked why she was out here, alone, in the dark, crying.

Eden stares at the crow silently for a moment.

It was only a nightmare. She folds her hands in her lap and lowers her eyes.

[truailligh]

She wasn't a stranger to nightmares, or dreams that had her waking up in cold sweats but nothing had ever had her leave anywhere beyond her room in search of something to get her back to sleep again.

If it's driving you out of bed and into the woods in the middle of the night, it's not nothing.

[solarpurpura]

It was normal for Eden to go wandering, to be alone, to be in the woods in the night, she does not see how these things are any indicator, but at the same time it is far too difficult to say that her daughter is 'only nothing.' She blinks slowly, lashes wet against her cheeks.

It is... lonely without Sapphira to soothe the nightmares.

[truailligh]

There's a temptation now to shift back into a human form because that honestly seems more appropriate to her but she's really unwilling to let blood go to waste and instead she hops over and taps her beak to Eden's hand.

Sapphira's a beautiful name - who is she to you?

[solarpurpura]

She startles a little, but lifts her hand and runs it over the bird's delicate skull, down its back gently. Dallas used to let her pet him, before he got himself into trouble and was driven away. Father kept a roc instead now, called it Nicolae and pretended he did not miss his friend.

My daughter...

[truailligh]

You have a daughter? You look so young. It's an odd sensation, to be touched as the crow but she doesn't mind; everyone needs a little soothing and she's stuck on her own without family and friends here.

Can I ask how old you are?

[solarpurpura]

I am eighteen now.

And Sapphira is two, almost three. She had been too young and too small for pregnancy, but that had not mattered to her mother.

[truailligh]

Eighteen? Damn, even mum was older when she had Ced' and I. Although, it did make sense for the banshee to have their children young if they wanted to play a real role in their lives before their untimely deaths and Shirley has already had one or two significant looks cast her way whenever Blair is mentioned. But no, one thing she definitely has no desire for are children.

She must be very beautiful, she offers instead; parents like to be complimented on their children after all.

[solarpurpura]

Eden had not particularly wanted children herself, but that was just as irrelevant as to how suited her body had been to the task. Eden makes no comment about why she has a daughter at so young an age, only agrees,

She is very beautiful. A very good girl.

[truailligh]

Did you and her father marry young? A lot of girls who have kids that age in Scotland tend to end up on their own, struggling because they have no idea how to cope.

It's sad in a way. There are lots of issues at play but still, she feels sorry for both of them if they're on their own because it makes her realise just how much of her own life she tends to take for granted, short lifespan or no.

[solarpurpura]

Eden shakes her head without reacting much more than that.

We are not married, no, not truly, and we do not struggle at home on the Hill.

Mother and Father looked after them, and even if something had not been left in Eden's stead when she came here, they would have looked after Sapphira for her. Gladly. It would be so much easier to mold Sapphira as they wished if her mother were not there to love.