I've been thinking . . .
I've spent all of my adult life trying very hard to be successful and thereby enjoy the fruits of that success. I've come to three conclusions:
1: I managed to make a lot of people happy for a day. I sang, or spoke, or did something that made them smile and they went on with their lives.
2. I changed a few lives. I sang, or spoke, or did something that keeps coming back to them and improving their life.
3. Some have been eternally changed. I sang, or spoke, or did something that caused them to turn to Christ and they will never be the same.
The irony of all this is that on a personal level I haven't been successful at all. I sang a hundred or more concerts but never had a tour. Recorded 2 albums but sold less than 3000 copies. I've led worship every week for years but never experienced the revival I'd hoped for. I haven't sold a song, story, or poem. I've managed to lose contact with old friends and my new circle has no clear idea of who I really am or what I've done.
I have felt for some time that every sin in my life can be traced back to my selfishness. Is it possible that in my selfish attempt to succeed I still managed to die to self? Did I pour out my life in such a way that others benefited but I lost all? Even lacking pure motives was I still able to fulfill my Christian vows?
If I were 80 and knocking on heaven's door I'd probably say yes but I'm still young enough and selfish enough to actually succeed. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
1: I managed to make a lot of people happy for a day. I sang, or spoke, or did something that made them smile and they went on with their lives.
2. I changed a few lives. I sang, or spoke, or did something that keeps coming back to them and improving their life.
3. Some have been eternally changed. I sang, or spoke, or did something that caused them to turn to Christ and they will never be the same.
The irony of all this is that on a personal level I haven't been successful at all. I sang a hundred or more concerts but never had a tour. Recorded 2 albums but sold less than 3000 copies. I've led worship every week for years but never experienced the revival I'd hoped for. I haven't sold a song, story, or poem. I've managed to lose contact with old friends and my new circle has no clear idea of who I really am or what I've done.
I have felt for some time that every sin in my life can be traced back to my selfishness. Is it possible that in my selfish attempt to succeed I still managed to die to self? Did I pour out my life in such a way that others benefited but I lost all? Even lacking pure motives was I still able to fulfill my Christian vows?
If I were 80 and knocking on heaven's door I'd probably say yes but I'm still young enough and selfish enough to actually succeed. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.