of decisions
It's kinda scary, but I have been back in Singapore for 4 weeks already. Somehow or another, it doesn't feel right because I don't recall time flying by that quickly during my previous trips. My work is going rather slowly, but I am happy because dengue research is something that really interests me. My 2-year-long training in a west nile virus setting has oddly turned out to be the most rewarding experience, because it makes everything here so much easier. Suddenly, I no longer have to wake up at 6am to perform surgery on the mice, or mesh 14 brains at one go, or wait for the mice to grow up (almost makes you feel like a family member because you keep asking yourself when the next birth is).
It has also come to a point where I ought to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I haven't been the most certain person about what I hope to achieve for the longest time. But for now, I have to say that research has become an integral part of my life and although I can be naive at times, I still dare to dream of finding a cure/vaccine for some kind of debilitating disease in future. As such, I have decided that after I complete my masters next June, I will return to work for a year before going back to the states for my phd. Of course, another 5 years there might sound daunting, but it doesn't really bother me because I have always been a rather independent person (or so I would like to believe). The only problem is family and friends, which I grappled with for some time. The thing is, I no longer believe that distance matters that much. I have seen many of my friends who remain in Singapore not meeting up/talking to each other, if they were never really close anyway. It seems to me that if you really treasure your family and friends, distance could be a real obstacle, but it is definitely not an absolute one. I am really hoping to pursue my dreams, and there is no way I will forget or lose touch with people who mean a lot to me along the way (no, not trying to pull a JLo's "jenny on the block" here).
I really think this is the best for me, at least for now.
XXX
Pp and BT are now married! Was extremely happy for them, especially when they read their vows. The solemnizer was kinda imposing, but executed her job pretty decently. Congrats to you guys again! I know it really isn't easy deciding on something as important as getting married. Sometimes, all the negative news of people breaking up, high divorce rates, and shocking revelations of less-than-true love really get to you. So I do take my hat off to people who consider very carefully the commitments of an institutionalized union, and deciding on undertaking it in spite of the road ahead fraught with temptations and disharmonies that one has to learn to overcome. I don't think I can ever do that, so yeah, pp, I understand your fears about how things may turn out in future, but I also sincerely wish you the best, because I know you are a strong person and more importantly, you and BT have a strong foundation in your relationship.
XXX
Had a talk with my sister the other night, and she was musing over how she and her secondary school friends had turned out so differently than their expectations. From what I recall, A was always the awkward girl with an extremely unfashionable short hairdo and pink-colored braces that screamed of her misfit. B was the ambitious and outgoing girl that everyone liked. C was the sweet down-to-earth girl that came to my place to play with dolls with my sister.
Last week, my sister attended A's wedding. After a huge revamp of her image, everyone was faced with the shocking revelation that she was drop dead gorgeous afterall. Somehow or another, the acne and hairdo had made an ugly duckling out of a swan for several years. With her straightened long hair and her now fair skin tone, her naturally high and sharp nose stood out proudly among her delicate features (really looks like zhou hui min!). She married a lawyer 10 years her senior (read: rich and dashing) and became a JC teacher in economics (I suppose the students all swoon after her).
B, after being pursued by an ugly and short guy for several years, finally gave in to his "sincerity". The problem is, he's an extremely possessive and chauvinistic kindoff guy, made further insecure by his lack of vertical talent. First, he made B quit a job that required her to travel occasionally. Then he made her reject a job offer because the job title was "manager", which would make her appear more highly-ranked/successful than him. Finally, she interviewed for a clerical job at a local university and now goes home at 5pm everyday. We thought it was hilarious, because in a way, B hadn't changed at all. She knew what her priorities were, and wasn't ashamed to follow them. The only difference was that this time round, her priorities were no longer driven by the high-spirited and motivated her. That was a thing of the past.
C, graduated from university but never found a job. Somewhere, somehow, she had "fallen" (quote unquote because I don't want to suggest that this is necessarily bad) into high-risk investment activities (for eg high-volume buying and selling of shares on a short term basis) and had decided that was the way to become successful/rich overnight. The guy who showed her the ropes was married, but they became lovers (ok, do not call her a mistress because we really have no right to judge) and although she outrightly denies that they are still together now, everyone knows it for a fact.
My sister, who had always been the simple one, was now the "career woman". I say that because she's the only one working at a rather respectable organization that is somewhat coveted by many people. As a qualifier, starting a family is probably higher up on her list now, but she's still fighting it out in an extremely competitive environment everyday (damn those scholars!) ((yes, you heard me right)).
Actually, my sister was once pursued by a German guy when she lived in Germany. He was extremely persistent but she couldn't accept him. We laughed out loud when we contemplated how history could have been re-written if she had accepted his advances. Now, we agree that he had an asian-girl-fetish. I almost fell off the chair laughing when my sister said that.
You know what, everyday is a decision. I think I have learned to step out of my comfort zone so that I can embrace the fact that each and every moment is a splitting second filled with possiblities and dispossibilities (bear with the jibberish english) and the best we can do is to not turn back and look at our own lives with a sense of regret for the what-ifs. That's the way to live life.
It has also come to a point where I ought to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I haven't been the most certain person about what I hope to achieve for the longest time. But for now, I have to say that research has become an integral part of my life and although I can be naive at times, I still dare to dream of finding a cure/vaccine for some kind of debilitating disease in future. As such, I have decided that after I complete my masters next June, I will return to work for a year before going back to the states for my phd. Of course, another 5 years there might sound daunting, but it doesn't really bother me because I have always been a rather independent person (or so I would like to believe). The only problem is family and friends, which I grappled with for some time. The thing is, I no longer believe that distance matters that much. I have seen many of my friends who remain in Singapore not meeting up/talking to each other, if they were never really close anyway. It seems to me that if you really treasure your family and friends, distance could be a real obstacle, but it is definitely not an absolute one. I am really hoping to pursue my dreams, and there is no way I will forget or lose touch with people who mean a lot to me along the way (no, not trying to pull a JLo's "jenny on the block" here).
I really think this is the best for me, at least for now.
XXX
Pp and BT are now married! Was extremely happy for them, especially when they read their vows. The solemnizer was kinda imposing, but executed her job pretty decently. Congrats to you guys again! I know it really isn't easy deciding on something as important as getting married. Sometimes, all the negative news of people breaking up, high divorce rates, and shocking revelations of less-than-true love really get to you. So I do take my hat off to people who consider very carefully the commitments of an institutionalized union, and deciding on undertaking it in spite of the road ahead fraught with temptations and disharmonies that one has to learn to overcome. I don't think I can ever do that, so yeah, pp, I understand your fears about how things may turn out in future, but I also sincerely wish you the best, because I know you are a strong person and more importantly, you and BT have a strong foundation in your relationship.
XXX
Had a talk with my sister the other night, and she was musing over how she and her secondary school friends had turned out so differently than their expectations. From what I recall, A was always the awkward girl with an extremely unfashionable short hairdo and pink-colored braces that screamed of her misfit. B was the ambitious and outgoing girl that everyone liked. C was the sweet down-to-earth girl that came to my place to play with dolls with my sister.
Last week, my sister attended A's wedding. After a huge revamp of her image, everyone was faced with the shocking revelation that she was drop dead gorgeous afterall. Somehow or another, the acne and hairdo had made an ugly duckling out of a swan for several years. With her straightened long hair and her now fair skin tone, her naturally high and sharp nose stood out proudly among her delicate features (really looks like zhou hui min!). She married a lawyer 10 years her senior (read: rich and dashing) and became a JC teacher in economics (I suppose the students all swoon after her).
B, after being pursued by an ugly and short guy for several years, finally gave in to his "sincerity". The problem is, he's an extremely possessive and chauvinistic kindoff guy, made further insecure by his lack of vertical talent. First, he made B quit a job that required her to travel occasionally. Then he made her reject a job offer because the job title was "manager", which would make her appear more highly-ranked/successful than him. Finally, she interviewed for a clerical job at a local university and now goes home at 5pm everyday. We thought it was hilarious, because in a way, B hadn't changed at all. She knew what her priorities were, and wasn't ashamed to follow them. The only difference was that this time round, her priorities were no longer driven by the high-spirited and motivated her. That was a thing of the past.
C, graduated from university but never found a job. Somewhere, somehow, she had "fallen" (quote unquote because I don't want to suggest that this is necessarily bad) into high-risk investment activities (for eg high-volume buying and selling of shares on a short term basis) and had decided that was the way to become successful/rich overnight. The guy who showed her the ropes was married, but they became lovers (ok, do not call her a mistress because we really have no right to judge) and although she outrightly denies that they are still together now, everyone knows it for a fact.
My sister, who had always been the simple one, was now the "career woman". I say that because she's the only one working at a rather respectable organization that is somewhat coveted by many people. As a qualifier, starting a family is probably higher up on her list now, but she's still fighting it out in an extremely competitive environment everyday (damn those scholars!) ((yes, you heard me right)).
Actually, my sister was once pursued by a German guy when she lived in Germany. He was extremely persistent but she couldn't accept him. We laughed out loud when we contemplated how history could have been re-written if she had accepted his advances. Now, we agree that he had an asian-girl-fetish. I almost fell off the chair laughing when my sister said that.
You know what, everyday is a decision. I think I have learned to step out of my comfort zone so that I can embrace the fact that each and every moment is a splitting second filled with possiblities and dispossibilities (bear with the jibberish english) and the best we can do is to not turn back and look at our own lives with a sense of regret for the what-ifs. That's the way to live life.