of how to save a life
When I was in secondary school, I once had a very harrowing experience.
When I was sec 2, my class timetable was arranged such that we had PE every Thurs late afternoon and it would end pretty late. For a certain period, the PE teacher decided that we would play badminton and that was absolute yay-ness (especially for someone as lousy in sports as me). We would change into our classic dark red PE shorts (which made all TCHS boys a laughing stock in the eyes of all the other schools) and orange t-shirts and then take turns to play in Kah Kee Hall. Once we were done, we had to keep the badminton stands and the PE teacher would also instruct a few people to go up to the spectator stands on both sides of the hall to put down the tall curtains over the railings. My favorite part of packing up was doing that because it was always nice to put down curtain by curtain and see the shadows in the hall overlapping until it was all dark. The curtains were huge and sometimes you would have to climb on the railings to let them down, which was darn dangerous because if you fell, that would be the end of you.
One day after PE, I went upstairs to do that again and a friend came along too (unfortunately, time has blurred my memories and I can't pinpoint who that was exactly). We put down the curtains one by one and then I went to the last one and couldn't put it down. The previous person had hoisted it up too high and I couldn't release it unless I stood and tiptoed on the railings. I asked my friend what he thought about it and he said it should be all right. So we quickly packed up our bags and ran off without consulting the teacher.
The next day, I had a test or exam and got a ride from my mom (since she sent my sis to sch and we were in the same area for numerous years cos she was in SCGS then HCJC) to reach school early. I thought it would be nice to walk off to somewhere quiet to study for a while so I just wandered around aimlessly near the grass fields behind Kah Kee Hall (TCHS is huge). I was near the side of Kah Kee Hall and was two floors below the spectator stands when I suddenly saw a horrifying red pool of blood in a human shape on the ground and no one else was around. My heart kept thumping against my chest and I suddenly felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. And then I looked up: the pool of blood was right under the railing where the curtain was still hoisted up.
I walked back to my classroom.
By assembly, the news had spread that a student had "fallen off" the railings. The school had already "completed" the investigation that the student had come earlier to school to revise for his exam and had sat on the railing of Kah Kee Hall while "studying". He then "fell off by mistake" and this was proven by other teachers who had graded his already-completed exams and vouching that there was no indication of bad grades while he apparently did not have family problems. During a break, I went back to the same spot and it was cordoned off by orange tape and the whole patch of blood had already been cleaned off though it was still possible to make out a slight "shadow" of a human shape on the ground.
The newspaper did not report on the incident and 3 days later, there was a small article on the newspapers that a student in TCHS had fallen off the railings by accident (I don't even think the article said that he died).
The school advised counselling for everyone who was facing severe stress from school work and also people who had "wrong" opinions about the actual cause of death had to be rectified by teachers. No one was allowed to talk to any reporter that tried to ask questions. Answering a reporter would subject one to possible expulsion.
For days and days, I kept seeing images in my mind and I kept wondering if he had really fallen off by mistake (would you buy this crap?) or if he was facing intense problems in his life. Did he choose that spot because I didn't put down the curtain? Did he ever know me? Have our paths ever crossed? If I had put down the curtain, would he survive? Or was he bent on suicide? Where did he go after that? Did Jesus condemn him to Hell or would he serve his sentence in Purgatory? Or was he just simply another particle in this cosmic existence of ours that had ceased to be one?
I know that my mind gets out of my control sometimes and in my head, I swing between the two extremes of moods without a warning. I keep trying to pull myself back but I seem to fall deeper and deeper each time I try. Over the years, I seem to have gained control over composure and any behavioristic outputs but my mind weeps for you.
Tell me, where did I go wrong? Tell me exactly how to save a life.
http://www.howtosavealife.com/ for a very touching story of how Isaac Slade wrote the song.
P.S. I have been accepted to work at the orphanage in El Salvador. =)
When I was sec 2, my class timetable was arranged such that we had PE every Thurs late afternoon and it would end pretty late. For a certain period, the PE teacher decided that we would play badminton and that was absolute yay-ness (especially for someone as lousy in sports as me). We would change into our classic dark red PE shorts (which made all TCHS boys a laughing stock in the eyes of all the other schools) and orange t-shirts and then take turns to play in Kah Kee Hall. Once we were done, we had to keep the badminton stands and the PE teacher would also instruct a few people to go up to the spectator stands on both sides of the hall to put down the tall curtains over the railings. My favorite part of packing up was doing that because it was always nice to put down curtain by curtain and see the shadows in the hall overlapping until it was all dark. The curtains were huge and sometimes you would have to climb on the railings to let them down, which was darn dangerous because if you fell, that would be the end of you.
One day after PE, I went upstairs to do that again and a friend came along too (unfortunately, time has blurred my memories and I can't pinpoint who that was exactly). We put down the curtains one by one and then I went to the last one and couldn't put it down. The previous person had hoisted it up too high and I couldn't release it unless I stood and tiptoed on the railings. I asked my friend what he thought about it and he said it should be all right. So we quickly packed up our bags and ran off without consulting the teacher.
The next day, I had a test or exam and got a ride from my mom (since she sent my sis to sch and we were in the same area for numerous years cos she was in SCGS then HCJC) to reach school early. I thought it would be nice to walk off to somewhere quiet to study for a while so I just wandered around aimlessly near the grass fields behind Kah Kee Hall (TCHS is huge). I was near the side of Kah Kee Hall and was two floors below the spectator stands when I suddenly saw a horrifying red pool of blood in a human shape on the ground and no one else was around. My heart kept thumping against my chest and I suddenly felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart. And then I looked up: the pool of blood was right under the railing where the curtain was still hoisted up.
I walked back to my classroom.
By assembly, the news had spread that a student had "fallen off" the railings. The school had already "completed" the investigation that the student had come earlier to school to revise for his exam and had sat on the railing of Kah Kee Hall while "studying". He then "fell off by mistake" and this was proven by other teachers who had graded his already-completed exams and vouching that there was no indication of bad grades while he apparently did not have family problems. During a break, I went back to the same spot and it was cordoned off by orange tape and the whole patch of blood had already been cleaned off though it was still possible to make out a slight "shadow" of a human shape on the ground.
The newspaper did not report on the incident and 3 days later, there was a small article on the newspapers that a student in TCHS had fallen off the railings by accident (I don't even think the article said that he died).
The school advised counselling for everyone who was facing severe stress from school work and also people who had "wrong" opinions about the actual cause of death had to be rectified by teachers. No one was allowed to talk to any reporter that tried to ask questions. Answering a reporter would subject one to possible expulsion.
For days and days, I kept seeing images in my mind and I kept wondering if he had really fallen off by mistake (would you buy this crap?) or if he was facing intense problems in his life. Did he choose that spot because I didn't put down the curtain? Did he ever know me? Have our paths ever crossed? If I had put down the curtain, would he survive? Or was he bent on suicide? Where did he go after that? Did Jesus condemn him to Hell or would he serve his sentence in Purgatory? Or was he just simply another particle in this cosmic existence of ours that had ceased to be one?
I know that my mind gets out of my control sometimes and in my head, I swing between the two extremes of moods without a warning. I keep trying to pull myself back but I seem to fall deeper and deeper each time I try. Over the years, I seem to have gained control over composure and any behavioristic outputs but my mind weeps for you.
Tell me, where did I go wrong? Tell me exactly how to save a life.
http://www.howtosavealife.com/ for a very touching story of how Isaac Slade wrote the song.
P.S. I have been accepted to work at the orphanage in El Salvador. =)