Apr 13, 2009 18:08
Tomorrow I am catching an early train to Staffordshire and making a trip to St Mary’s Abbey. I have been talking over email to their novice mistress about the possibility of me joining them in a vocation. I have been invited now to visit and look around. If they find me to their liking and see me as sincere then they will allow me to come back and join them in an Aspirancy. I hope that they allow me.
I think that many of you will not think that this is a good idea but it is what I want. I have failed the Lord so much since I have moved, and my lifestyle is not what I want to have. I know that God does not want me living this life either. I will be getting out of modelling as soon as I can but it is hard because there are contracts and rules and even if I do not want to be a model, I do not want either to break any words I have made to people. The Lord does not want anyone to break their word and to start my new life beside Him with that would be wrong.
I will be back on Wednesday morning and I hope that by then I will know if I am allowed to become a Sister with them.
I have not told anyone any of this yet. This is the first that I have mentioned, even to Pavel who I live with.