long long long long long long long long long long essay about what i think about the pageant.
the pageant went well. I didn't place but I still had a good time. I think this pageant was different than the other ones that I have been in because this is like, serious pageantry. People were taping up their bodies, manipulating them to look a certain way, putting makeup on their stomachs so that they would look more toned, not eating for 14 days before the pageant (seriously, one girl was fasting) and really just rearranging who they were to impress a set of judges. I understand that fundamentally a pageant is designed for women to exhibit something about themselves that they think the judges will like or respond to but honestly you wouldn't recognize some people on the street if you had seen them on the stage: these girls were hiding more things about themselves and exhibiting more of the "ideal" woman. It's a competition but it's not based on originality; instead it's based on fitting into a certain mold. I know there has to be a standard by which to judge but i think that the things that i value the most in people are not what is considered. I'm not saying this because I didn't win or place or anything. If anyone knows me, they know that im not a sore loser about things like pageants. I tried out for dance team 3 times before i made it and never cried when i didnt make it because i knew that it was for the best and that at that particular time, i wasnt what they were looking for.
To me pageants in high school were always fun because it was a chance to have fun with your friends dressing up, make new friends, get on a stage and build confidence, to be involved with something at school, and to compete in a contest that superceded popularity. I feel like I got into this pageant for the same reasons (initially i thought trista was going to be in it). But when I got into it it was like, "whoa, this is a whole different level of pageant." it's work but i'm not sure that it is the kind that rewards you at the end of the day. pageant girls do a lot of good things; they volunteer, they raise awareness and promote platforms, but honestly, if there were no judges to impress, im not sure if they would still do it. that is certainly true of the work done before a pageant. the work done after as a result of having a title is pretty much required. no really, when you win you sign your life away. you're legally bound to fulfill these duties or you have to pay back funds you received and any money spent on you by the pageant system.
the girls that i met in the pageant that i really felt like could be role models, because they were confident in themselves, original in thought and lifestyle, and intelligent didnt get any kind of recognition for that. the girls who won were the ones who did pageants all the time, gave the "right" answers, and frankly, who were priveliged income-wise. not that a poor girl couldnt win, but the girls who won spent at least 800-900 dollars on being in this pageant. im not saying that the girls who won were stupid but it seems like they really dont have a bigger dream than to be Miss Alabama or Miss America.
I think i learned a little about myself doing this. I realized that I do have talent that really is equal to or better than dancing/singing. Maybe it isnt as easily displayed on a stage, but I'm smart. I can write. I can lead. I can teach. These things all require dedication and continued refining in the same way that dancing or singing would, but I can't sit down on a stage and write an essay or article. I may not have the most toned stomach, but it's good enough for me. I'm healthy and I feel good about myself. Comparing myself to other girls is not a way to make myself feel better because there will always be a skinnier, better-looking girl. And finally, I don't need the approval of judges. I'm sure that they are respectable people but what they think about me and the way my body looks are not terribly important to me. I guess mostly what I learned is that pageants are a channel that some people use to acheive certain things because they couldn't do it otherwise. I feel like I have the capability to do it otherwise. People might be drawn to beautiful people who have won awards for their beauty and poise, but it is really the people who are original, innovative, and hard-working that evoke the most respect. From me anyways.
granted, i have made many generalizations but this is how i feel at the moment. many of the things i discussed were the things that most people think about pageants anyways, but after being in them in high school, i had decided that they had just gotten a bad reputation. so i guess my conclusion is that there is a difference between healthy self-confidence inducing competition and hard-core gotta fit into this dress and look this way so that the judges will think that im a good person and give me a title competition. i dont know, something about seeing a girl freaking out because she's afraid her butt will jiggle a little in her swimsuit so she tapes her buttcheeks together with duct tape before she goes on the stage is just very wrong. i've got a pretty big butt, but i've never been that self-conscious. i think this type of pageantry has the reverse effect of what is intended, it brings out more reasons to feel insecure about yourself than it does to make you feel confident about yourself.
i dont think ill do the pageant next year because i put so much work into it and it wasn't nearly rewarding enough. in high school, the work put into the pageant was matched by the fun of competing and the fellowship with the girls. here, the girls were only semi-friendly, there was little fun involved and im pretty sure that I've never been so tired in my life for something that wasn't absolutely required. im glad that i did it because it was a good experience but i think ill try to invest my time in something more worthwhile in the future.
it freaking wears you out! goodnight.
edit: however i do want to thank my family, trista, josh, and my work friends. it really meant a lot for me to see my friends and family be so supportive. that was the best part about the whole thing. when the people I truly respect are proud of me, that's when I feel the most proud of myself.
To me pageants in high school were always fun because it was a chance to have fun with your friends dressing up, make new friends, get on a stage and build confidence, to be involved with something at school, and to compete in a contest that superceded popularity. I feel like I got into this pageant for the same reasons (initially i thought trista was going to be in it). But when I got into it it was like, "whoa, this is a whole different level of pageant." it's work but i'm not sure that it is the kind that rewards you at the end of the day. pageant girls do a lot of good things; they volunteer, they raise awareness and promote platforms, but honestly, if there were no judges to impress, im not sure if they would still do it. that is certainly true of the work done before a pageant. the work done after as a result of having a title is pretty much required. no really, when you win you sign your life away. you're legally bound to fulfill these duties or you have to pay back funds you received and any money spent on you by the pageant system.
the girls that i met in the pageant that i really felt like could be role models, because they were confident in themselves, original in thought and lifestyle, and intelligent didnt get any kind of recognition for that. the girls who won were the ones who did pageants all the time, gave the "right" answers, and frankly, who were priveliged income-wise. not that a poor girl couldnt win, but the girls who won spent at least 800-900 dollars on being in this pageant. im not saying that the girls who won were stupid but it seems like they really dont have a bigger dream than to be Miss Alabama or Miss America.
I think i learned a little about myself doing this. I realized that I do have talent that really is equal to or better than dancing/singing. Maybe it isnt as easily displayed on a stage, but I'm smart. I can write. I can lead. I can teach. These things all require dedication and continued refining in the same way that dancing or singing would, but I can't sit down on a stage and write an essay or article. I may not have the most toned stomach, but it's good enough for me. I'm healthy and I feel good about myself. Comparing myself to other girls is not a way to make myself feel better because there will always be a skinnier, better-looking girl. And finally, I don't need the approval of judges. I'm sure that they are respectable people but what they think about me and the way my body looks are not terribly important to me. I guess mostly what I learned is that pageants are a channel that some people use to acheive certain things because they couldn't do it otherwise. I feel like I have the capability to do it otherwise. People might be drawn to beautiful people who have won awards for their beauty and poise, but it is really the people who are original, innovative, and hard-working that evoke the most respect. From me anyways.
granted, i have made many generalizations but this is how i feel at the moment. many of the things i discussed were the things that most people think about pageants anyways, but after being in them in high school, i had decided that they had just gotten a bad reputation. so i guess my conclusion is that there is a difference between healthy self-confidence inducing competition and hard-core gotta fit into this dress and look this way so that the judges will think that im a good person and give me a title competition. i dont know, something about seeing a girl freaking out because she's afraid her butt will jiggle a little in her swimsuit so she tapes her buttcheeks together with duct tape before she goes on the stage is just very wrong. i've got a pretty big butt, but i've never been that self-conscious. i think this type of pageantry has the reverse effect of what is intended, it brings out more reasons to feel insecure about yourself than it does to make you feel confident about yourself.
i dont think ill do the pageant next year because i put so much work into it and it wasn't nearly rewarding enough. in high school, the work put into the pageant was matched by the fun of competing and the fellowship with the girls. here, the girls were only semi-friendly, there was little fun involved and im pretty sure that I've never been so tired in my life for something that wasn't absolutely required. im glad that i did it because it was a good experience but i think ill try to invest my time in something more worthwhile in the future.
it freaking wears you out! goodnight.
edit: however i do want to thank my family, trista, josh, and my work friends. it really meant a lot for me to see my friends and family be so supportive. that was the best part about the whole thing. when the people I truly respect are proud of me, that's when I feel the most proud of myself.