an exuse to get back into writing
Sitting on Ruben’s bed as he takes a shower. He is listening to MIA I think. He has a hello kitty stereo on his pink Hello kitty toilet. He says that he was never aloud to be feminine or have girly things and that things like hello kitty just make him happy and independent. This is my 5th consecutive day being with Ruben and I am so contented. We went to the most tagged bridge in davis for and put up one of my stencils, he took some pictures and we got muddy. It is glorious and surreal to have someone reciprocate my level of attraction. He is a beautiful person with a lot of experience under his belt. He has so much to talk about and I am thoroughly interested in what he has to say and his stories about his life. He seems shy sometimes but is also very strong willed, I see so much potential with him and I’m not even scared. Everyday since we’ve met we have “cuddle-fucked” for hours. I love sharing my body with people. We lay with each other and kiss and sometimes his leg shakes, like he is impatient. He says that he doesn’t like sitting around all day but I keep telling him that this intimacy is something really special and that its very productive, its really interesting to feel it evolve, from soft kisses to scratching and grinding and back. Both of us have a good libido and its something we really need to express right now. I am still in shock that OkCupid really worked, I am so excited about this!
He is the president of a gay fraternity and he lives with his “brothers” in this flat in Davis. He is devoted to increasing visibility and he talks about how its good to get the gay community together so they can be themselves and not “the gay friend” or “the gay one at the party” and instead just be themselves. Dating within the fraternity is looked down upon, they are a brotherhood and they talk about their experiences and their diversity and discrimination. I never had respect for a fraternity but I think what Ruben is doing is important. His house is decorated with the cutest paddles, I’m looking at a particularly special pink paddle on his wall decorated with Pokémon and hello kitty stickers. His fraternity doesn’t haze or anything and these paddles are odd little symbols of acceptance, they all decorate them and give them to each other, its really cute.
Ruben is completely on his own, his family lives in parts of Mexico and Los Angeles. His dad is in prison and his mother is quite broke and raising his little sister. They didn’t really accept him and often tell him that he needs to get cured of his disease and he actually cut them off for a while. He chose Davis because it was the furthest from his home. His story is interesting and he really learned how to stand up for himself and I really admire his independence and determination. He wants to be a writer, he has so many journals that he has completely filled up and they remind me of how Melissa writes, lots of things were scribbled out and there were arrows moving words to other places. He said his mom used to monitor it so he had to speak in code when talking about boys he liked. On the back of one of his journals there is some criticism written by his mom that he brutally scribbled out. He showed me some poetry and I was really impressed by it, a lot of his work is autobiographical and still very dreamy. He recently got published for a queer Chicano anthology and he plans to have his 2nd novel done by 40.
He just walked out of the shower and I’m gonna go drive him to work, he smells nice J
I’m so lame just talking about another lover, that’s all I ever want to write about. Jimbo threw a party for his 21st birthday and he was on molly the whole time. and apparently it doesn’t affect you mentally but more just makes everything you touch feel like orgasmic gold. I took Todd with me because this was the last night he was in town and I felt a little guilty for spending time with Ruben over Todd, so I picked him up and took him to Jimbo’s. it was such a thrown together party but it was great. Everyone was there to have fun and I got to see Lauren and Jaclyn. Lauren is now exclusively dating Bob and she confessed to me that she was really crushing on me for a long time and told her that I knew that. I mentioned to her that I would like to visit her more often and that I might actually be able to make that happen since I’ve been going to Davis so much to see Ruben. She was confused and thought I was going to hang out with this guy Caleb tonight, he knew I was gonna be there and he wanted to go on a date with me, another guy from OkCupid. I wanted to flirt with him, he was cute and a funny guy to talk to online but I just got back from my 2nd really successful date with Ruben and I decided to take this whole thing one guy at a time. I felt bad for Caleb and I told him that if he is patient with me than I think we could end up getting to know each other. Jimbo was sort of mad at me for not pursuing Caleb. He told me that he thinks about me a lot and that our past conversations about love have been very depressing. He said he really wants me to find love and to have that experience, he said he needed me to feel loved because it depresses him to know that I think people couldn’t love me. It may have been the molly talking but he was very genuine and sincere, he inspires me to go head first with Ruben.
Well I’m off to go play some DDR with Jacqui and Hana and then I’m gonna go hang out with ruben tonight, still trying to ignore the fact that school is coming up
He is the president of a gay fraternity and he lives with his “brothers” in this flat in Davis. He is devoted to increasing visibility and he talks about how its good to get the gay community together so they can be themselves and not “the gay friend” or “the gay one at the party” and instead just be themselves. Dating within the fraternity is looked down upon, they are a brotherhood and they talk about their experiences and their diversity and discrimination. I never had respect for a fraternity but I think what Ruben is doing is important. His house is decorated with the cutest paddles, I’m looking at a particularly special pink paddle on his wall decorated with Pokémon and hello kitty stickers. His fraternity doesn’t haze or anything and these paddles are odd little symbols of acceptance, they all decorate them and give them to each other, its really cute.
Ruben is completely on his own, his family lives in parts of Mexico and Los Angeles. His dad is in prison and his mother is quite broke and raising his little sister. They didn’t really accept him and often tell him that he needs to get cured of his disease and he actually cut them off for a while. He chose Davis because it was the furthest from his home. His story is interesting and he really learned how to stand up for himself and I really admire his independence and determination. He wants to be a writer, he has so many journals that he has completely filled up and they remind me of how Melissa writes, lots of things were scribbled out and there were arrows moving words to other places. He said his mom used to monitor it so he had to speak in code when talking about boys he liked. On the back of one of his journals there is some criticism written by his mom that he brutally scribbled out. He showed me some poetry and I was really impressed by it, a lot of his work is autobiographical and still very dreamy. He recently got published for a queer Chicano anthology and he plans to have his 2nd novel done by 40.
He just walked out of the shower and I’m gonna go drive him to work, he smells nice J
I’m so lame just talking about another lover, that’s all I ever want to write about. Jimbo threw a party for his 21st birthday and he was on molly the whole time. and apparently it doesn’t affect you mentally but more just makes everything you touch feel like orgasmic gold. I took Todd with me because this was the last night he was in town and I felt a little guilty for spending time with Ruben over Todd, so I picked him up and took him to Jimbo’s. it was such a thrown together party but it was great. Everyone was there to have fun and I got to see Lauren and Jaclyn. Lauren is now exclusively dating Bob and she confessed to me that she was really crushing on me for a long time and told her that I knew that. I mentioned to her that I would like to visit her more often and that I might actually be able to make that happen since I’ve been going to Davis so much to see Ruben. She was confused and thought I was going to hang out with this guy Caleb tonight, he knew I was gonna be there and he wanted to go on a date with me, another guy from OkCupid. I wanted to flirt with him, he was cute and a funny guy to talk to online but I just got back from my 2nd really successful date with Ruben and I decided to take this whole thing one guy at a time. I felt bad for Caleb and I told him that if he is patient with me than I think we could end up getting to know each other. Jimbo was sort of mad at me for not pursuing Caleb. He told me that he thinks about me a lot and that our past conversations about love have been very depressing. He said he really wants me to find love and to have that experience, he said he needed me to feel loved because it depresses him to know that I think people couldn’t love me. It may have been the molly talking but he was very genuine and sincere, he inspires me to go head first with Ruben.
Well I’m off to go play some DDR with Jacqui and Hana and then I’m gonna go hang out with ruben tonight, still trying to ignore the fact that school is coming up