(no subject)
I am tired. Its getting close to two and I am still working on a group project... even though that statment doesnt make any sense since I am doing it. gosh i hate group projects. studpidest thing ever. besides that.. i had a pretty intense crazy weekend.. with surprisingly not any of the romance expected for being so called "lovers day"...but thats okay. I have a good wonderful boy who treats me right the other 364 days of the year. I dont need one day to blow me off my feet.. right? sure. But the weekend was just full of sighs and little smiles. somehow I always think that when school is crazy that by just coming home I will find peace, and quiet, and the comfort of love. But that is far from what it is on the surface. This weekend pushed me further behind, more tired, and more confused. I have no idea who I am living with next year, which scares me out of my mind. I just want to belong. I just want someone to claim me. Someone to say, I like you, we are great friends, I want to live with you. but thats not my case. And being home this weekend was just a small slap in my face of all the beautiful girls I no longer have to touch. I miss them. I miss being a part of their lives, and them of mine. I miss being missed. So knowing me I had to come with a plan. So i researched some study aborads and other programs to just get me away. so instead I wont feel like a loser for not having those types of friends.. at least I can have the excuse of well I am going away. And hopefully I will just hold on tight and God will guide me somewhere, anywhere...and wherever that is... there will be some peace. some hope. and that feeling of love. so to sum up my feelings as I sit here in a quiet room alone thinking and fretting over the list that needs to be completed by friday..
why one day to show that kind of love? i need it every day. every hour. all the time.
fill me. I am empty.
why one day to show that kind of love? i need it every day. every hour. all the time.
fill me. I am empty.