this is the real deal...
there are moments when you look back at your life and you truly think about the person you've been and the things you've done. either two things happen: one: you're happy for the life you've lived or two: you realize there are things you could have done better. i'm on that second branch right now. do not get me wrong...i LOVE my life and had the most amazing year this year but yeah, there are things i should have done different, battles that shouldnt have been fought. ive hurt people and let people hurt me and for both of those, i have to say that i am really sorry. sorry to the people i took advantage of for my own benefit. i never thought i would become "that girl" but i did and did so without even realizing it. and in the meantime, i hurt you, my best friend and i cannot tell you how sorry i am for that and for acting the way i have. i know ive put you through a lot of ups and downs and i dont ever want to do that again. i want to start fresh and want us to be "us" the two who can have fun and talk forever. i dont want to have anymore awkward moments or stupid fights over the same thing. so from here on out, you'll get the friend i used to be and i hope that you can forgive me for everything i have done to hurt you. i was simply being selfish and never thought about your side of the story and for that...im sorry.
and i have to say sorry to myself for letting people hurt me. sorry for for letting things get this far and not realizing a whole lot sooner that some people arent who you thought they were. the people you never thought would hurt you, do without a blink of an eye and dont even care. i guess in a way, you're my punishment for the things ive done to others and i gotta say, you're a pretty damn good punishment because no matter what, i seem to keep asking for it. well...im not going to anymore. im honestly tired of this back and forth. one day, im left with hope for the future and the next, i realize its all a lie. and to be honest, right now im pissed, hurt, disappointed, heartbroken but most importantly...fed up. ive finally realized ive been a idiot for the past two years and even more so the past 2 months. i refuse to let myself do this anymore because its simply not worth it. you're not worth it. ive finally seen the light and in it, youre not the person i thought you were. im over the headache, over the heartbreak. im just done. it hurts and i know at some point i'll want you in my life but right now, i want no part of you in it at all.
once upon a time we sat on my couch and i told you that everyone, including myself, questioned what we had in common anymore. you responded with "i can't just hurt her" and you looked me dead in the eyes and said "now do you see what we have in common?"
looks like we both lost that quality keeping us connected.
and i have to say sorry to myself for letting people hurt me. sorry for for letting things get this far and not realizing a whole lot sooner that some people arent who you thought they were. the people you never thought would hurt you, do without a blink of an eye and dont even care. i guess in a way, you're my punishment for the things ive done to others and i gotta say, you're a pretty damn good punishment because no matter what, i seem to keep asking for it. well...im not going to anymore. im honestly tired of this back and forth. one day, im left with hope for the future and the next, i realize its all a lie. and to be honest, right now im pissed, hurt, disappointed, heartbroken but most importantly...fed up. ive finally realized ive been a idiot for the past two years and even more so the past 2 months. i refuse to let myself do this anymore because its simply not worth it. you're not worth it. ive finally seen the light and in it, youre not the person i thought you were. im over the headache, over the heartbreak. im just done. it hurts and i know at some point i'll want you in my life but right now, i want no part of you in it at all.
once upon a time we sat on my couch and i told you that everyone, including myself, questioned what we had in common anymore. you responded with "i can't just hurt her" and you looked me dead in the eyes and said "now do you see what we have in common?"
looks like we both lost that quality keeping us connected.