so growing up isnt necessarily all that good...
so what do you do when growing up means growing apart from the people you've been so close to? thats where i'm at right now. i feel like ive done so much growing up over the past 6 months but i feel as though ive done so at a cost. anyone can see that im drifting away from my two best friends and i dont know what to do.
with one of them, i just feel like our worlds are two completely different things and we have nothing to keep us connected. shes out doing her own thing, making new friends and im doing the same. thing is, while were out doing our own thing, we talk less and less to each other and start talking more to the people we're meeting. and i dont mean talking as in chatting, i mean as in deep, letting each other know whats going on in our lives talking. i know i havent been letting her in at all and i feel as though i had to practically beg her to talk to me last time something was wrong. the thing is...im having a trust issue right now. i trust this person completely except when it comes down to the one thing i have to really talk about.
and that brings me to my next person im drifting away from. its pretty much the complete opposite. while i felt like i could talk to him about everything and did, i feel as though i got burned in the process and it hurts more than anything. all i've ever been trying to say to him is that i need him as a friend and thats it, nothing more. but yet, everytime i try to talk to him, its me pushing him away which is not the case. i just dont want to worry anymore about being put in awkward situations that will lead to arguments. and i think its in our friendship's best interest that we not be as close until he can learn to put his feelings aside and be there when i need him the most.
ahhhhh...i just really feel like i have no one here to talk to right now. i know there are people who care and i could talk to but the thing im worried about is them listening to what i have to talk about. i dont want to be judged and dont want to be looked down upon, and sadly, thats what i know will happen. it seems like when i get the courage to talk to someone about it, they look at me with disappointing eyes or judge me for what ive done. so, instead, i sit here afraid to talk to anyone about anything.
truth is right now im hurt and pissed off and irritated and ready to move on but yet not ready to let go and im angry with myself for things ive done and for being so foolish and for letting myself think there was so much more when there wasnt. and yet...i cannot talk to anyone about it. there is one person who makes me feel better about everything but shes in another state and all i can say is im glad for deltasig cause she would not be in my life if i hadnt pledged. however, while i love being able to talk to her and truly talk to her about whats going on in our lives and our problems and plans to fix them and get over them...i desperately need someone here. i need someone to sit next to me and listen to me and not say a word, no matter what they're feeling. i need someone to listen and not judge me and not be disappointed in me. i just need someone to listen...
with one of them, i just feel like our worlds are two completely different things and we have nothing to keep us connected. shes out doing her own thing, making new friends and im doing the same. thing is, while were out doing our own thing, we talk less and less to each other and start talking more to the people we're meeting. and i dont mean talking as in chatting, i mean as in deep, letting each other know whats going on in our lives talking. i know i havent been letting her in at all and i feel as though i had to practically beg her to talk to me last time something was wrong. the thing is...im having a trust issue right now. i trust this person completely except when it comes down to the one thing i have to really talk about.
and that brings me to my next person im drifting away from. its pretty much the complete opposite. while i felt like i could talk to him about everything and did, i feel as though i got burned in the process and it hurts more than anything. all i've ever been trying to say to him is that i need him as a friend and thats it, nothing more. but yet, everytime i try to talk to him, its me pushing him away which is not the case. i just dont want to worry anymore about being put in awkward situations that will lead to arguments. and i think its in our friendship's best interest that we not be as close until he can learn to put his feelings aside and be there when i need him the most.
ahhhhh...i just really feel like i have no one here to talk to right now. i know there are people who care and i could talk to but the thing im worried about is them listening to what i have to talk about. i dont want to be judged and dont want to be looked down upon, and sadly, thats what i know will happen. it seems like when i get the courage to talk to someone about it, they look at me with disappointing eyes or judge me for what ive done. so, instead, i sit here afraid to talk to anyone about anything.
truth is right now im hurt and pissed off and irritated and ready to move on but yet not ready to let go and im angry with myself for things ive done and for being so foolish and for letting myself think there was so much more when there wasnt. and yet...i cannot talk to anyone about it. there is one person who makes me feel better about everything but shes in another state and all i can say is im glad for deltasig cause she would not be in my life if i hadnt pledged. however, while i love being able to talk to her and truly talk to her about whats going on in our lives and our problems and plans to fix them and get over them...i desperately need someone here. i need someone to sit next to me and listen to me and not say a word, no matter what they're feeling. i need someone to listen and not judge me and not be disappointed in me. i just need someone to listen...