(no subject)
here we go.
all my life I thought I knew EVERYTHING, I knew the things others simply didn't spot, I felt wise and smart. Now at the age of 20 I'm totally lost. I feel like it's a global game or something. I'm not sure of any simple thing in this world. I have doubts even about me. Especially about me.
I walked down the street and thought of 20 years I've left behind. All the way home and back I've been thinking, remembering, analysing, trying to convince myself that... this all means something. "Once Gandhi said..." - these words rolled on my mind over and over again. For what? There must be some reason, it's just can't be a coincidence. Can it?
I know for sure... Gandhi was right. I knew it before , I blindly made my steps having this somewhere in the corner of my mind and everytime something happened I knew the answer, at least part of the answer - it may be insignificant, but it's important so much to do it.
But why they died? I just can't make out WHY they had to die so young??? Innocent. Nothing changes. They just die. One after another. Breathless, in pain. Why did I come to this? Should I do something significant? Why do I have this all? Things I've never ever needed to have. Why do I get thrown away everytime?? Why do I feel so different? Why can't I find someone like me? Hm...someone freak? great. Why can't I stop fighting myself and just start to live like others? Why I've got no strength to stop this? Then why do they bother?? Why...why... Why... why....somebody, stop my head, it's going round! I need to know.
I know you hear me. You always do. Be aware I'm...terribly dismayed. I lie to myself. and what is worse...I start to believe it. my restless mind is getting out of control.
all my life I thought I knew EVERYTHING, I knew the things others simply didn't spot, I felt wise and smart. Now at the age of 20 I'm totally lost. I feel like it's a global game or something. I'm not sure of any simple thing in this world. I have doubts even about me. Especially about me.
I walked down the street and thought of 20 years I've left behind. All the way home and back I've been thinking, remembering, analysing, trying to convince myself that... this all means something. "Once Gandhi said..." - these words rolled on my mind over and over again. For what? There must be some reason, it's just can't be a coincidence. Can it?
I know for sure... Gandhi was right. I knew it before , I blindly made my steps having this somewhere in the corner of my mind and everytime something happened I knew the answer, at least part of the answer - it may be insignificant, but it's important so much to do it.
But why they died? I just can't make out WHY they had to die so young??? Innocent. Nothing changes. They just die. One after another. Breathless, in pain. Why did I come to this? Should I do something significant? Why do I have this all? Things I've never ever needed to have. Why do I get thrown away everytime?? Why do I feel so different? Why can't I find someone like me? Hm...someone freak? great. Why can't I stop fighting myself and just start to live like others? Why I've got no strength to stop this? Then why do they bother?? Why...why... Why... why....somebody, stop my head, it's going round! I need to know.
I know you hear me. You always do. Be aware I'm...terribly dismayed. I lie to myself. and what is worse...I start to believe it. my restless mind is getting out of control.