Christmas Update :)
I CAN'T BELIEVE SO MUCH OF MY BREAK HAS ALREADY GONE BY. WUT. ;__;
But tonight I went to Longwood Gardens with my bb Laura, and it was probably the highlight of break so far. xD My parents have managed to actually keep my Christmas presents a secret, so I'm pretty excited. \o/ I also have some pretty great presents for them. I think it'll be a good Christmas. : )
But of course, there are always issues. : /
On Tuesday, my parents took me to NYC for the day, and we saw New York City Ballet's The Nutcracker. I know I'm really fortunate that my parents take me experiences like that, but I also know they don't get how much it bothers me to have to sit through ballets. When I was younger, ballet was practically the most important thing in my life. From about age 6 to 13, I went to a very prestigious and serious ballet school. The teacher was kinda the most intimidating lady you'll ever meet, sometimes she'd start screaming in the middle of class when we couldn't get a routine down correctly. She wasn't easy to impress, but she let me know that she thought highly of me and my abilities. I danced in a higher level with girls older than me, and had classes several times a week. By the time I was 10 or 11, classes were four days a week. At the same time, school was beginning to get serious. I knew there'd only be more schoolwork in the future, and more ballet classes as I progressed up to higher levels. And I was getting to a very serious level in ballet. Classes were beginning on pointe, and I was on the verge of starting lifts with the male dancers. But I was sick of it, and didn't enjoy it anymore. I quit.
I regret that a lot. I had a lot of talent with ballet, but now I feel that it's all wasted. In my freshman year of high school, I attempted a comeback. I signed up for classes at another school, equally as rigorous as the one I used to go to. I started dancing again, and it was somewhat humiliating. I remembered being the top of my class all the time, but now I was at the bottom. I was constantly struggling, and always felt subpar. But it wasn't just that I was out of practice. I wasn't physically built anymore for these demanding ballet classes. The other girls in my classes were half my size. I'm thin compared to people at school, but downright fat compared to the other dancers. My classmates had been dancing throughout puberty - I hadn't. I had just enough fat to make dancing cumberous, and breasts that made balance difficult. I had lost my dancers body. Several months after I started, my parents pulled me out of ballet classes because my grades were dropping thanks to the long ballet classes that went late into schoolnights. I was upset at the time, but now I think I saved myself from a lot of pain when I finally would have had to come to terms with the fact that my dancing abilities weren't going to return, no matter how long I kept going to classes.
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Christmas Eve is kinda going to suck. My mom and I are going to a church service in the afternoon, and I'm expecting that my extended family will be attending the same service. This is the same extended family that my parents don't get along with, in fact, can't stand to even be in the same room with. I know their falling out was because of disagreements concering the handling of my grandfather's family business which was left to my mom and all her siblings. Whatever happened, it made my parents stop speaking to any of my relatives. Not even Christmas cards. Nothing. I see them occasionally, but only when I go to my aunt's house by myself. My mom refuses to even walk me up to her door when she drops me off. It's bad. I really don't understand why they won't even try to make amends. Tomorrow is going to be highly unpleasant with all of them in the same room together. : / I'm dreading it.
Blah anyway, enough complaining. xD In other news, I'm completely hooked on Queer as Folk. Favorite show ever, by far. I'm eternally grateful to the people from ontd_ai who recced it to me and gave me links to watch it. I've just started on season 4, and I want to watch all the rest right now, but at the same time don't because I don't ever want it to end! All good things must eventually end though, I suppose. :'((
Also, the next chapter of Submission & Addiction is already started, and open in a minimized Microsoft Word document as I type this. :D Hold on everyone, it won't be too long until it's posted!