An Update for the Ages
I have terrible illusions of grandeur.
The scenarios and contexts change depending on my mood and environment.
I assume these fantasies are a normal function of the human mind, derived from jealousy and aspiration.
But I wonder how much of this false sense of hope is the result of other persons determining my bright future before I have a chance to acquire it.
This isn't anything new.
I've always had a knack for day-dreaming, and living artificial lives in my own platonic space.
Unfortunately, they've been heightened by the fact that I'm graduating and am forced to make plans for the future.
Thus far, I've applied to a few non-profit organizations, but I'm not feeling like they're receptive of my capabilities.
I can't explain how demotivating it is when the sector often starving for talent doesn't recognize your potential.
Add this attitude undercutting to the battle between individual and bureaucracy/system that is graduating and ensuring all requirements are met, and I'm stricken with grief. Perhaps not as legitimate as others' yet still present.
I can't end the post on the above sentence, because if I did, I would be at odds with my newfound feeling towards the digital space.
Casting myself online makes me available to anyone, which definitely touches on my masculine insecurity of showing true emotions.
So I have to leave by letting "my audience" know that I had a great weekend. I saw my mother on Friday, and after a complacent time getting lost in SF, we had a nice dinner.
On Saturday, I went to Santa Cruz, CA with a few of my close faguddys (fag buddys) to watch surfers change in/out of their wet-suits.
Now I'm finishing up my weekend shifts, and listening to a collection of delicious music my friend recommended.
Best,
-Andrew
The scenarios and contexts change depending on my mood and environment.
I assume these fantasies are a normal function of the human mind, derived from jealousy and aspiration.
But I wonder how much of this false sense of hope is the result of other persons determining my bright future before I have a chance to acquire it.
This isn't anything new.
I've always had a knack for day-dreaming, and living artificial lives in my own platonic space.
Unfortunately, they've been heightened by the fact that I'm graduating and am forced to make plans for the future.
Thus far, I've applied to a few non-profit organizations, but I'm not feeling like they're receptive of my capabilities.
I can't explain how demotivating it is when the sector often starving for talent doesn't recognize your potential.
Add this attitude undercutting to the battle between individual and bureaucracy/system that is graduating and ensuring all requirements are met, and I'm stricken with grief. Perhaps not as legitimate as others' yet still present.
I can't end the post on the above sentence, because if I did, I would be at odds with my newfound feeling towards the digital space.
Casting myself online makes me available to anyone, which definitely touches on my masculine insecurity of showing true emotions.
So I have to leave by letting "my audience" know that I had a great weekend. I saw my mother on Friday, and after a complacent time getting lost in SF, we had a nice dinner.
On Saturday, I went to Santa Cruz, CA with a few of my close faguddys (fag buddys) to watch surfers change in/out of their wet-suits.
Now I'm finishing up my weekend shifts, and listening to a collection of delicious music my friend recommended.
Best,
-Andrew