You don't want me to, I know I shouldn't... but I do.

Jun 02, 2005 17:24

I apologize now for anything that seems anti-Lan, sappy, or plain old moody.

Mood: Okay (Bad Okay)
Music: "Colors" - Utada Hikaru
Groove: Punch a hole into the monitor.
I'm writing this ahead of time cuz I seem to have nothing better to do.

As you most likely should know, school is offcially over. I'm a junior now. I would be complaining about growing old, but I have other things on my mind. Yeah, I should be rejoicing that school is over. I'm not. It just means the trip to Laos in 18 days away. I don't wanna go, my parents still don't know that. Gah! T'think that when the final bell rang and I hopped into Mary's car I was happy as happy can be. I did have plans for when I got home, they were cancelled. Saw that coming. Of course it affected me, it's one of the biggest reasons I don't want to go to Laos. Argh, I'll live. I have a pretty clear understanding of this conflict.

I think.

Anyways, once I got home, I so did not want to stay inside. It's so fricken nice out. So I stayed outside, played with a water gun and kicked my soccer ball around. (Not to mention scarf down a hot dog and some chips.) Then I found the spot again, the spot where nothing matters and I can just chill out. T'think that it's right in my yard under a tree. I pulled out the 'Saat' (It's like a Laotian outdoor mat thing) and layed myself down on it and looked through the leaves at the sun. This is when I started to slowly fall into the state that I'm in now. I started to sorta wait, I don't know what I was waiting for, but I got anxious. So I sat up and played "Golden Sun: The Lost Age" just to soon find myself laying back down.
At about 1:30, my anxiousness got to me, I went inside and decided to play some guitar. Hoppity hop to John's room I went... but instead of grabbing the guitar, I picked up the laptop and some movies and sat on the porch watching them. Mmm, that bench is kinda lonely... Eventually, Dad came home, and hey lookit that we can't afford me a 48.97 flapdoozy but we can get a near 200 dollar portable DVD player and 5 DVDs and abuncha weird electronic crap. Woot! (Note that I was still in a good mood, I was watching ETSD2.) But even that had to end eventually. So what did I do? Go to my other safe haven. That's right. My basement. Guess what I did there... watch more movies. Mmm, after I finished "Drumline" (for like the what.... 78914091th time?) I started to think about the day again. Dabbit. Laos hit me hard this time, and GAH! I headed upstairs to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich. (Hold on... Lil' Kimmy is here.... K) Dad instanly saw my facial expression... heh they still dunno. Mmm, all mum and pop talked about was the DVD player and going to Laos, which ticked me off more. It's kinda funny how they fail to see that whenever I get pissed off it's whenever they talk about Laos. After I finished my sandwiches and took out the garbage, I came right down here and turned on the computer. At least I know something will be there whenever I call on it. (Kimmy cheering me up a little I guess... now I just hope those cartoons keep her occupied.) Mmm, played hald a game of Spider Solitaire then started to type this.

Sorry about all this actually typing, I know it's kinda weird for my journal(s). It's just that... GAH. Gonna be a Junior, going somewhere I don't want go and I know I'm gonna be brutally bored for 32 days, and the pretty high chance that a huge reason I don't wanna go I won't be able to see again. But, I don't think... nvm... Dunno how to word it.

::Slams fist on desk:: I can't do this all summer long, I gotta make the best of my last 18 days... minus the dyas I work... dabbit. I dunno... I don't really feel like typing anymore at the moment, I feel a little better for typing this up anyway. Thanks for reading my crap if you bothered getting this far.

I'm gonna go do something random and fun now. Like chat. Heh heh.

-Lan

End Mood: Okay (Okay okay)
End Music: "Colors" - Utada Hikaru
End Groove: "That scent..." and "I shouldn't be playing with these beads... but I can't help it."
Today's Lyrics...

Heh heh. I seriously did not know this song was about this... sorry!

(there's something messed up with LJ... so yer stuck with bold meaning translated lyrics)

[Update... like five minutes later... I just read the song over... and I'm cringing... I may like the song... but it still... makes me cringe.)

"Colors" -Utada Hikaru

MIRAA ga utsushidasu maboroshi o
ki ni shi nagara itsu no ma ni ka sokudo ageteru no sa
The mirror that reveals my dreams
Raises my spirits unnoticed

doko e itte mo ii to ii wareru to
hanpa na ganmou ni wa hyoushiki mo zenbu haiiro da
When it's said "it's possible to go anywhere,"
My fragmented wishes are marked entirely in gray

honoo no yurameki koyoi mo yume o egaku
anata no fudesaki kawaite imasen ka
The swaying flames paint my dreams tonight
The tip of your brush isn't dried up?

aoi sora ga mieru nara aoi kasa hirogete
ii janai ka KYANBASU wa kimi no mono
shiroi hata wa akirameta toki ni dake kazasu no
ima wa makka ni sasou tougyuushi no you ni
The blue sky can be seen if you open your blue umbrella
That isn't good? The canvas is yours
I'll abandon time as I hold a white flag overhead
In order for deep red to invite the matador now

KARAA mo iro aseru keikoutou no moto
shirokuro no CHESUBOODO no ue de kimi ni deatta
Colors fade under a flourescent lamp
On the black and white of the chessboard, we met by chance

bokura wa hitotoki mayoi nagara yorisoutte
are kara hitotsuki oboete imasu ka
The time we lost our way, we nestled close
Do you recall that month?
ORENJI iro no yuuhi o tonari de miteru dake de yokatta no ni na
kuchi wa wazawai no moto
kuroi fuku wa shisha ni inoru toki ni dake kiru no
wazato makka ni nokoshita RUUJU no ato
Watching the orange colors of the setting sun with you was wonderful
Your mouth was an origin of catastrophe
Black clothes are only worn when praying for the deceased
The mark of rouge leaves behind deep red purposely

mou jibun ni wa yume no nai e shika egakenai to iu nara
nuritsubushite yo KYANBASU o nando demo
shiroi hata wa akirameta toki ni dake kazasu no
ima no watashi wa anata no shiranai iro
In myself, I see no dreams, like unpainted pictures
How many times must I fill this canvas?
I'll abandon time as I hold a white flag overhead
I am your unknown color now
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