Too much to handle
Life is especially hectic right now. We're in the bottom of a big hole in IPD that will require an extraordinary amount of effort to get out of, I have several papers looming over my head. One due thursday, another due on my birthday, and a huge term paper I'd like to finish before the last day of classes. I have a poster to make for IPD as well as a psychology conference where we will present our research from last semester. My housing situation is still fucked up, I may have to go to court to get out of living here if my other two roommates bail on me. South Africa is approaching right after finals which I haven't even begun to think about. There is lots of packing to do and I am hoping to God that I do not get sick from all the stress on my trip. I hope my scholarship dinner goes well tomorrow. I will have to speak to my donor who just continues to cough up thousands a year to help pay for my education. How do you even begin to thank someone for that? The orchestra concert is coming up along with several extra gigs and rehearsals.
It's almost too much really, as I look at it all. It's too much. And I sit here and I say fuck it all. I am in a surprisingly laid back mood right now, which is really why I started writing this entry.
Whatever happens, happens.
Que sera, sera.
Let come what will.
Let be what is.
I'm tired, so what. I have a paper to write, so what. I have shitloads of IPD work to do, so what. I wish I could see Nick, so what. I wish it were all over, so what. None of that is important right now, at 1:16 in the morning. I've reached a point that if I even so much as worry about ANY of it, I will spiral into hell and never see the light of day. So here I am, calmly sittig on the edge of this gorge because I know my life depends on it. And that's okay.
Do it or don't do it.
I do what I can.
And that's all I can do.
I hope to continue sitting peacefully in this mood. Tomorrow I need to get organized.
Narrow down to now.
Goodnight.
It's almost too much really, as I look at it all. It's too much. And I sit here and I say fuck it all. I am in a surprisingly laid back mood right now, which is really why I started writing this entry.
Whatever happens, happens.
Que sera, sera.
Let come what will.
Let be what is.
I'm tired, so what. I have a paper to write, so what. I have shitloads of IPD work to do, so what. I wish I could see Nick, so what. I wish it were all over, so what. None of that is important right now, at 1:16 in the morning. I've reached a point that if I even so much as worry about ANY of it, I will spiral into hell and never see the light of day. So here I am, calmly sittig on the edge of this gorge because I know my life depends on it. And that's okay.
Do it or don't do it.
I do what I can.
And that's all I can do.
I hope to continue sitting peacefully in this mood. Tomorrow I need to get organized.
Narrow down to now.
Goodnight.