I dont know what Im doing anymore.
Ive completely lost control of everything. Im spiraling downward into depression again (as I do every winter). Fuck, I dont even care. Im so stressed out, and as much effort as Im exerting into getting everything done, I feel like Im accomplishing absolutely nothing. I just feel absolutely worthless. Im seriously so stressed out that I just want to fucking cry and scream and throw something, but that would just be a waste of valuable work time. Fuck it. I need to just lock myself away somewhere and never come out. ever.
And who the fuck am I kidding anyway!? I am so sick of acting like Miss SweetCheeks McGee. Im not as nice as I seem to be, and Im fucking tired of having to act like I like the people I dont. IHATEYOUGOAWAYYYY.
IM NOT FUCKING OKAY.
My life is a fucking ridiculous mess. and Im absolutely fucking clueless as to how I could possibly fix it. Im so fucking unhappy. I really am. Im so tired of smiling and telling people Im fine, because Im not. I feel like Im just watching my life crumble into peices around me. and I cant do a fucking thing. I really need help. But I know I'll never ask for it. its not in my nature to do that.
FUCKKKK