The Facade of Niceties
Social niceties. I have no tolerance for these in the people I surround myself with and if you aren't just going to tell me how you feel about a certain topic/issue, please don't waste my time. This idea formed while I was thinking why I like the Eric Northman character from the "Sookie Stackhouse" southern vampire book series. As Gwen put it, "he's an ass." That got me to thinking: I think he's just a don't pull your punches kind of guy. The guy wants what he wants and he doesn't make any excuses for who he is, especially to those who don't matter.
I've read five books of this series in the last three days. Once I start reading this kind of book, I get sucked in; since it's very episodic and fully immersive, my brain starts breaking down all of the information I receive in regards to that world. It's a huge escape. A lot of my brain activity converts over to thinking about that fictional place and I'm less present in my life. Last night it made me wonder if someone could live my life better. Ok, that sounds weird, but hear me out. I think about Sookie and the decisions she makes with the choices that are given to her. I think about the options I've been given in life and I know that all I do is freak out. Everytime I'm faced with ANYthing, I just freak out. There isn't a calm, calculated bone in my body. Could someone else be able to face my life and not freak out? Yes. My life is pretty easy. The world that I face has few obstacles and the ones there are pale in comparison to the hardships of others. Every day I runaway from my life. I read, watch tv or movies, and hide from making the day-to-day decisions of how to manage my social life, my home, my finances, and everything that goes into just functioning as a modern human being.
The solution to organizing my life and getting back in gear makes me rather sad to think about: daily checklists. When I get to the theater, I turn on the lights, grab my clip board, and start working on the list. It makes me feel like a completely idiotic, scatter brained, useless dolt to turn to this method at home. I'm already mocked by others for needing to put grocery shopping and laundry on my google calendar just to get it done. I don't LIKE checklists: I need them. My brain worries about SO much that I can't figure out what to focus on at any given time and need to redirect my energies to the checklist in order to complete any given task. That's sad. Infinite melancholy.
I'm frustrated by my lifestyle and I hate the solution.
I've read five books of this series in the last three days. Once I start reading this kind of book, I get sucked in; since it's very episodic and fully immersive, my brain starts breaking down all of the information I receive in regards to that world. It's a huge escape. A lot of my brain activity converts over to thinking about that fictional place and I'm less present in my life. Last night it made me wonder if someone could live my life better. Ok, that sounds weird, but hear me out. I think about Sookie and the decisions she makes with the choices that are given to her. I think about the options I've been given in life and I know that all I do is freak out. Everytime I'm faced with ANYthing, I just freak out. There isn't a calm, calculated bone in my body. Could someone else be able to face my life and not freak out? Yes. My life is pretty easy. The world that I face has few obstacles and the ones there are pale in comparison to the hardships of others. Every day I runaway from my life. I read, watch tv or movies, and hide from making the day-to-day decisions of how to manage my social life, my home, my finances, and everything that goes into just functioning as a modern human being.
The solution to organizing my life and getting back in gear makes me rather sad to think about: daily checklists. When I get to the theater, I turn on the lights, grab my clip board, and start working on the list. It makes me feel like a completely idiotic, scatter brained, useless dolt to turn to this method at home. I'm already mocked by others for needing to put grocery shopping and laundry on my google calendar just to get it done. I don't LIKE checklists: I need them. My brain worries about SO much that I can't figure out what to focus on at any given time and need to redirect my energies to the checklist in order to complete any given task. That's sad. Infinite melancholy.
I'm frustrated by my lifestyle and I hate the solution.