More proof that Chuck Norris is a bad ass
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
One time, while Chuck Norris was filming an episode of "Walker: Texas Ranger", the production team brought on a guy to hold up cue cards. Norris roundhouse kicked that guy in the pancreas, and proceeded to speak every line in the script in perfect Swahili, just out of spite.
When Chuck Norris chops down a tree, he uses the wooden end of the axe.
Chuck Norris stabbed his grandmother in the neck for forgetting his favorite pie at Christmas. Upon learning that she had actually brought it and was playing a joke on him, he conjured her back to life by roundhouse kicking Jesus.
When you die, the last thing you see is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris nearly choked Conan O'Brien to death with his own tie. When police questioned him he stated, "It was a wardrobe malfunction, officer." They then said thats what we thought and proceeded to savagly beat Conan O'Brien for trying to ruining Chuck Norris' good name.
Chuck Norris is the major cause of death amongst males between 20 and 60 years old.
Chuck Norris once challenged Oprah to a grudge match after she gave his biography bad reviews. She declined so he round house kicked her face.
A midget, a rabbi, and a horse all walk into a bar. Ah, fuck it. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked all their asses.
Chuck Norris used to eat nothing but habanero peppers with tabasco sauce for dinner until one day those pussy peppers gave him frostbite. He now eats molten lava breakfast, lunch and dinner. Asian babies for dessert.
Once at a dinner party, Chuck Norris sneezed and accidentally gave birth to a colt.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"
Chuck Norris loves to throw dinner parties for close friends and family. Chuck Norris has a polar bear chained up in his back yard for just this kind of occasion.
Chuck Norris single-handedly built the Great Wall of China after losing a bet with Buddha.
Chuck Norris was once challened to swim the English Channel. In response, he drank in the entire North Atlantic, walked across to France, and relieved himself upon the wine-growing regions there. The wine that year was the finest on record.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
A teenage girl recently asked Chuck Norris what he was going to do with all that junk inside his trunk. He then proceeded to roundhouse kick her in the ovaries, and caused the abortion of all fetuses worldwide.
Chuck Norris once ripped a man in half just to see what he had for lunch.
The roundhouse kick has been proven to be more deady than kryptonite. The Death of Superman? Yeah, that was from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once quit smoking by roundhouse kicking a tabacco company CEO in the head, simultaneously inventing the phrase "kick the habit".