(no subject)
first things first....
Todays mine and Chelsea's one month!!!!! < if you highlight that the colors look cool!
♥ ~i love you chelsea~ ♥
it think its kinda weird how i spent much more time doing that then i ever spent writing about mine and rich's anniversary... actually im kinda worried about whats going on with him, it feels like i haven't talked to him in a year. i talked to him for like 2 minutes yesterday, which was he had to go to work, and i cant call him when he gets home cuz his parents will get pissed and he cant call me for the same reason... so i told him to call chelsea's phone cuz we might hang out, but chelsea dropped her phone in the toilet and it doesn't work anymore. oh well. i must hang out with chelsea today because its our anniversary!!!!!
chelsea i got a funny idea to piss people off.
ooh and i got a good idea for christmas for chelsea all of a sudden!!!
i realized why i hated myself, and i know how to fix it. this plan goes into action monday. its not that i changed. its that i wasn't acting how i used to because i was scared to... sort of. i dont know how to explain it but part of the problem is my friends not being friends with rich anymore. whatever, things are gunna get better, cuz if they dont, i cant be happy anymore. after a long talk with kelly last night i realized the way i was acting towards pretty much everyone but rich, don't blame it on kelly, its completely true and everything is my fault, and i think deep down i knew that i changed but wasn't willing to admit it to myself. im just scared that im not the person i used to be anymore. well we'll see how that goes.
i wish we could go back to summer, everything was so perfect then, and like the last month of school! ugh i miss that all so much :( oh well. i miss rich's old house too. oh well.
i'm finally ready for christmas. i think christmas is what i need. i need family and shit. and like everyone together happiness. i know it sounds retarded but i really dont care. i want rich to come over on christmas eve. i also wanna have a new years eve party with EVERYONE. *pretend this color is silver* and we can't have it at my house cuz i'm at my moms and we dont have TV there. Channukkah has been over for a while, and i didnt light one candle. I abandoned my religion. i dont have a religion. i dont want one!
religion sucks. i mean sure it would be nice to beleive in something, but not because your religion tells you to. im not sure what i beleive in, i do beleive in something, just not sure what, and i dont really care.
this entry is not at all what i had originally intended it to be. dont care. orange is a pretty color ;) im suddenly very happy because i know that things can change, and hopefully go back to how they used to be, because im sick of things now. im sick of having to miss the way things used to be, and its gunna fucking change, or im gunna lose it. oh yah i forgot something!
i wasted my entire free yesterday talking to george, about nothing, it was supposed to be him telling me whatever he said he wouldn't tell me online because i deserved to be told in person. but in any case he aparently forgot what he wanted to tell me, and we ended up remembering funny stuff, and then i'm just sitting there playing with my slap bracelette -ew something smells like throw up- anyway. i was playing with my slap bracelette when all of a sudden he's like so you still care? im like what do you mean by care? and he's like do you still like me? im like what do you mean by like? like second grade like or just like? and he's says like like, and im like im with rich, what are you trying to do? and he's like idk, and im like if you think i still have feelings for you i dont, i love rich plus do you really think i'd ever be able to trust you again, and he's like so thats why, cuz you can't trust me? and im like no its because i love rich and not you.
and now im getting really pissed because i just listened to diane telling her mom for about an hour how much she loves jaime and how much jaime adores tor and then when she was takling about rich she said how he doesn't have enough credits to graduate because they weren't worth as much in delaware or something along those lines and then went back to tlaking about jaime. first things first. RICH LOVES ME! I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE FUCKING SAYS HE DOES, AND YA KNOW WHAT? MY MOTHER KNOWS THAT, MY MOTHER WOULD FUCKING BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR HIM, JIM KNOWS THAT, THEY BOTH SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH HIM OVER THE SUMMER. my dad and diane never got to know him, never saw how we are around eachother, never spent 18 hours with him. i didnt want to say this but im going to. before tor and jaime started going out he told rich that he didn't want any attachments and that he basically had no problem with having sex with people he didn't love or something along those lines. i wonder if tor knows that one? wasn't planning on telling her, specially because i see how happy she is with him, and i see the way he treats her, so maybe it could have changed, thats the only reason i can understand why tor doesn't like rich, but we've been together for 7 months and in that time he's changed a lot, he told me he never wanted to fall in love but he did, and he's glad, and im gunna fucking shut up right now, just hope jaime's the person you think he is. Jaime, i have no clue if you'll ever read this, dont think i dont like you, honestly you're my favorite of all tor's boyfriends, you're the first to ever really associate with the fact that i'm her sister, pretty much the first to even associate with me at all, and i don't have a problem with you. i just dont want to see tor get hurt. im done now.
♥ rich i love you. you have been invited to my house for christmas if you want to come, you don't have to come the whole day, but you're welcome to come at any time if you want. aslo you're invited to my mom's christmas eve, we're not doing anything special, but i want you to come, just cuz its christmas eve. i love you so much. ♥