somethings gotta change
i dont want to be this person anymore. i dont want to be the one they all see as the controlling girlfriend. i dont want to be the reason he's not friends with laurence anymore. i dont want to be the one who sits in the background and cringes every time a girl talks to him.
but its not up to me, i cant controll it. yes, i'm jealous, but never once have i told him not to tlak to other girls, not to talk to laurence, i dont tell him to do anything. so then why does everyone make it seem like its my fault that he wasn't talking to laurence? if it were up to me, he would have never told me about any of that and they'd still be friends, or even if they are friends again, fine, i'm happy with that. i just want him to be happy, and she says that he apologized and wanted to be friends again, so i want them to be friends again. sure im always gunna be jealous, but im jealous of everyone else, im jealous of my closest friends, even chelsea who has a fucking boyfriend, im jealous when she talks to him, im even fucking jealous of kelly, im always going to be jealous no matter who he tlaks to who he doesn't. i dont hate laurence, cuz i've realized that through all of this all she's tried to do is make peace between us, and when we "broke up" all she tried to do is help. she never meant to hurt me in anything that she did, and now all i want is things the way they used to be. im not saying we have to be friends, i just dont want to feel like im whats keeping him from being happy, and i dont want anyone else to see it that way. if he wont be friends with her, thats his desision not mine. i wish everyone could see past it all and give me another chance, i took my frustration out on the wrong people and i want to apologise for it all. i hate this, i really hate this. i hate feeling like i caused all these problems, when im just finding out that they even exsist.
im trying to pull my life back together, my friends, my family, my school work, everything, i just want things to be easy again. its like my dad said. everyone has a box of problems, and it will never be empty. as soon as one problems out of the way another one finds its way in, but i want my box clean, im willing to have new problems, but im sick of the old ones, they're so pointless, and i caused all of them, atleast 90% of them, i dont want to cause problems for myself anymore. If my box has to be full, i want it full of new problems. i want to make sure these problems never come back. i want to start over.
what the world
needs now
is love, sweat love+
but its not up to me, i cant controll it. yes, i'm jealous, but never once have i told him not to tlak to other girls, not to talk to laurence, i dont tell him to do anything. so then why does everyone make it seem like its my fault that he wasn't talking to laurence? if it were up to me, he would have never told me about any of that and they'd still be friends, or even if they are friends again, fine, i'm happy with that. i just want him to be happy, and she says that he apologized and wanted to be friends again, so i want them to be friends again. sure im always gunna be jealous, but im jealous of everyone else, im jealous of my closest friends, even chelsea who has a fucking boyfriend, im jealous when she talks to him, im even fucking jealous of kelly, im always going to be jealous no matter who he tlaks to who he doesn't. i dont hate laurence, cuz i've realized that through all of this all she's tried to do is make peace between us, and when we "broke up" all she tried to do is help. she never meant to hurt me in anything that she did, and now all i want is things the way they used to be. im not saying we have to be friends, i just dont want to feel like im whats keeping him from being happy, and i dont want anyone else to see it that way. if he wont be friends with her, thats his desision not mine. i wish everyone could see past it all and give me another chance, i took my frustration out on the wrong people and i want to apologise for it all. i hate this, i really hate this. i hate feeling like i caused all these problems, when im just finding out that they even exsist.
im trying to pull my life back together, my friends, my family, my school work, everything, i just want things to be easy again. its like my dad said. everyone has a box of problems, and it will never be empty. as soon as one problems out of the way another one finds its way in, but i want my box clean, im willing to have new problems, but im sick of the old ones, they're so pointless, and i caused all of them, atleast 90% of them, i dont want to cause problems for myself anymore. If my box has to be full, i want it full of new problems. i want to make sure these problems never come back. i want to start over.
what the world
needs now
is love, sweat love+