back in action

[l0vexmexforxme]

sooooo. last night mark sultan called to catch up. i wound up reading him the grease story off this livejournal. i miss writing here. and i wish i had the memories from when i stopped writing. so now im going to start again, or hopefully at least.

getting to know old friends is way more fun than meeting new ones.

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[l0vexmexforxme]

So we ate together; Mark and I did, I mean. And we talked. We were outside on the benches by ourselves. Once we were done, he carried me back to practice. It was a piggyback ride. On the way he was telling me about how he felt good because he had a hot girl on his back. I played stupid and pretended that I didn’t hear it. "Huh?" I said. "You have beautiful eyes." I think time just stopped and I melted.

That night he took me home. He met the parents and the spoke about politics. They seemed to like him. I walked him out. We kissed. I melted again. This relationship was made completely out of melting and time stopping; or at least wanting the time to stop so that you can be in that moment and feel that way forever, and ever, and ever.

Later that week, we went for a movie. It started off sour. We couldn’t see a whole movie due to my curfew. Then there were no movies at that time, so we fought. He gave me a dirty face so I told him that I didn’t like his face, referring to the face he gave me of course. No one could ever dislike his real face. He told me that he likes mine and that happened to be why he was doing this. I melted again. We wound up making out to bits and pieces or the movie "Ray".

That Sunday we decided that we were going steady. Not going out, only because he didn’t like the title due to a past girl friend in another state. That Wednesday was opening night. So afterward, we decided that we had to celebrate. We went to Mark's pool. It was cool. It was me, Mark, Shelby, Ali, Aaron, AO and Danny. Mark and I spent quality time together. By the end of the night we decided we were going out, not just “going steady”.

The relationship was great. It was just amazing: all of it. On Thursday, we didn’t have school. Mark, Shelby, Ali, Aaron, and I decided to go the beach. We had a great time. Then we went back to Mark's after: just him and I and tons of fun. Then back to do another Grease show. This went on for about a good week and a half.

Then, a week and a day after the beach, we went to Chili's. Something happened, something went sour. After that, it was never the same. I cried the whole way home from Chili's. The following Wednesday he broke up with me. It was on good terms, or at least as good of terms you can break up on, and he promised friendship. But the promise didn’t last. I still don’t know if we’re friends.

It will be a month in a couple weeks. I've been though an entire group of friends, many parties, a partner, a love interest, getting hurt, and no; I'm still not over it. I'm not. I just wish I were back in that moment that we first kissed. I'd live there forever if I could.

So the self-confidence has suffered a hard blow and so has the stability level. I still come home and have to search for myself in the mirror, just to make sure that I'm still there. I stare back at myself in all of my imperfection. But despite everything, I know that I am there and that I will be ok. Everything will be fine and I will get over him. I know that I probably won’t even remember him when I’m 30. Or maybe I will. Maybe I will still want to live in that one moment when I am 30. Who knows?

I just wish I knew how you feel Mark. Do you regret?