not good enough.
so after studying hardcore for my apus midterm and lightly for my physics (stupid idea) all night, im quite exaused, and i still promised louis i would review with him so gotta do that too.
so just today its seems like everyone wants to get under my skin, and i realy just dont need it. i feel like im being forced to compete with everyone and i hate it, i don't want to compare myself to anyone else. today at our meet lesh put me in 200 im and my sister beat me by less than a second (nevermind the fact that i can beat her by 4 in breastroke), but she comes up to me later just to rub it in my face and she say, ur so pissed aren't you? witha huge smile on her face. and the truth is, i really dont care if she beats me, i suck at the im in general and i just have so much more important shit to worry about the thing that bothers me about it is that im being compaired. at least 10 people told me i did a good job after my race and i wanted to slap every single one of them because i knew it was bullshit. then after reading 9 fucking chapters of APUS review, i go upstairs to take a break. my dad starts talking to me and he says "steph got straight a's this marking period kim, are you gunna do that well" and i said "well dad, if she were in my classes she would be getting straight F's" and he says "well thats not the point, an a is an a" thus being the second time today i was compared. then he decideds to bring up the fact that my brother is getting really tall, yes, im now the shortest person in my family. thanks. another comparison that i lost today. these things probably seem so small and insignificant but it really all adds up. and despite the technicalities and everything, it makes me feel like im just not good enough for anything. everyone else is alwyas just better somehow and people just love to remind me of that for some reason.
my chest hurts like a mother fucker and ive deffntly been falling asleep since chapter 2 apus of a dull headache. my lower stomach feels like its about to explode, and im extremly exaused. yeah.. um any other complaints? there was only really 2 positive things about my day, one of them being the fact that i was able to sit down and eat lunch with kdop, and the other being my little secert. and although the second part could be looked at as negative, im thinking im needing some positives in my life right now.
ps.s im sorry if you read that whole thing, my deepest sympathys for wasting your time.
so just today its seems like everyone wants to get under my skin, and i realy just dont need it. i feel like im being forced to compete with everyone and i hate it, i don't want to compare myself to anyone else. today at our meet lesh put me in 200 im and my sister beat me by less than a second (nevermind the fact that i can beat her by 4 in breastroke), but she comes up to me later just to rub it in my face and she say, ur so pissed aren't you? witha huge smile on her face. and the truth is, i really dont care if she beats me, i suck at the im in general and i just have so much more important shit to worry about the thing that bothers me about it is that im being compaired. at least 10 people told me i did a good job after my race and i wanted to slap every single one of them because i knew it was bullshit. then after reading 9 fucking chapters of APUS review, i go upstairs to take a break. my dad starts talking to me and he says "steph got straight a's this marking period kim, are you gunna do that well" and i said "well dad, if she were in my classes she would be getting straight F's" and he says "well thats not the point, an a is an a" thus being the second time today i was compared. then he decideds to bring up the fact that my brother is getting really tall, yes, im now the shortest person in my family. thanks. another comparison that i lost today. these things probably seem so small and insignificant but it really all adds up. and despite the technicalities and everything, it makes me feel like im just not good enough for anything. everyone else is alwyas just better somehow and people just love to remind me of that for some reason.
my chest hurts like a mother fucker and ive deffntly been falling asleep since chapter 2 apus of a dull headache. my lower stomach feels like its about to explode, and im extremly exaused. yeah.. um any other complaints? there was only really 2 positive things about my day, one of them being the fact that i was able to sit down and eat lunch with kdop, and the other being my little secert. and although the second part could be looked at as negative, im thinking im needing some positives in my life right now.
ps.s im sorry if you read that whole thing, my deepest sympathys for wasting your time.