(no subject)
He's left me and this feeling I have now is the most alone and crushing painful indescribable ... THING.. I've ever felt in my life. It is all my worst feelings and all my worst nightmares and all my worse physical pain rolled up into one and magnified. He is my better half and my soul. My strength to go on and change. Without him, I cease to exist.
He told me tonight he'll think about it. He'll sleep on it. If he doesn't come back tomorrow, and he doesn't go back to work on Tuesday, then all we've worked for is thrown away and I'll know it's all because of me. That I couldn't be a good enough girlfriend. I couldn't be a good enough lover.
But if he comes back to me, I promised him I would be a different person. I would be the happy person I was in those first few months. Things would be perfect and YES I mean that I am not being naive. I would make his life perfect because now that he isn't here, I feel this pain and I can't deal with it.
Everything is running thru my head. The past year it won't stop. But I can assure you that if he doesn't come back tomorrow, you won't be getting anymore journal entries from me.
He told me tonight he'll think about it. He'll sleep on it. If he doesn't come back tomorrow, and he doesn't go back to work on Tuesday, then all we've worked for is thrown away and I'll know it's all because of me. That I couldn't be a good enough girlfriend. I couldn't be a good enough lover.
But if he comes back to me, I promised him I would be a different person. I would be the happy person I was in those first few months. Things would be perfect and YES I mean that I am not being naive. I would make his life perfect because now that he isn't here, I feel this pain and I can't deal with it.
Everything is running thru my head. The past year it won't stop. But I can assure you that if he doesn't come back tomorrow, you won't be getting anymore journal entries from me.