finis
I write to you now with a shattered dream, puffy sore eyes, an aching heart, a severe headache, and the story of the worst day of my life. The day I remembered what I really am. I regret to inform you that I lost my job today. Why? Because I'm a good worker. I'm hyper at doing well and I am able to multi-task. I'm on top of the game and everything is all good and under control. The coward Teresa waits until she's left to call me up to tell me she's letting me go because I give her "stress." Can you fucking believe it??? I'm too stressful for her. IF she can't handle stress, she has no right to own her own business. What a fucking cunt. So now my life is ruined. I am nothing again and now every minute I'm alive in this house, I'll hear so many things about how worthless I am and I should live in a box under the bridge and we're not allowed to take the car and there is no good reason for anything. I'm just a sack of shit. A leech. A nothing. That is what I am. When something good comes along, when I finally have hope that everything will be alright, it's taken away from me. This is a vicious cycle that will never stop. I'm in it for good. All I have is some belongings and the love of my life. No more happy job I loved more than any other I've ever had. No more job for my baby so his Dad will be happy and not put us down. Down Down Down...... I am so sad. There is nothing I can do. Driving around today in this hundred degree weather feeling like a 20 year old beaten piece of shit, I realized this is the story of my life. I'll never be anything and I know it's sad, but just.. some people will never be anything. I am so proud of Bonnie and the people around me who ARE doing good but... I am better off dead. I really should end my life and this is not a fucking pity party here. People know me way too better than that. This will never end. Goodbye happy days forever. Signing off...