It's cold as you face into the wind.
La vida tiene sus maneras de enseñarnos.
La vida tiene sus maneras de confundirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de cambiarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de asombrarnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de herirnos. La vida tiene sus maneras de curarnos.
La vida tiene sus maneras de inspirarnos.
im so tired with life and everything entailed in the warning labels.
i just ate a whole buncha cheese.
best buddies dance was cool except i was so drained. i met raymond's mom and she was sooo awesome. those kids crack me up. they are the best bc they hold no fear of the future and only hope for the better.
i figured that i like tutoring people. i dont know. its fun to me. people are cool. in some respects.
SAT classes suck. some cool 'asian' kids. so stereotypical. how sad.
i really really really wanna go on the alpha retreat in a couple of weeks but i kno my dad is gunna say no bc i have 'sat class'. how gay is that. he wont let me skip it either bc its the last one and im already missing this coming weekend's class and he blew a fit when i said i couldnt go.
my emotions are on edge.
why do i have to feel the way i do?
why do reoccuring feelings come up? i get so angry at myself sometimes.
crying sucks.
vulnerability sucks.
im so indecisive. and that cannot be a good thing.
life isnt fair. i dont think it ever was contrary to prior belief. from everyone.
sooo much pressure coming from every direction:
parents, teachers, friends, peers.
i hate school- with a passion. to no end. it'll never have an up-side.
recommendation day scared the shit outta me.
life scares the shit outta me.
im just scared.
scared of life just passing me by while i sit here doing my daily tasks, never having a moment of spontaniety bc 'i dont have time to'. i dont even have a moment to hang out wiht my friends any more. what has this life been reduced to?
today. i drove past the rodeo and i sat at the light staring at the stadium and the fair and i wanted to be there so bad. i heard the gleeful screams of all the families laughing and playing on the rides. you could smell all of the food perfuming the crisp air... i remember before. i was like 10 or 11 and we went. and it was like the best time i ever had. we went and saw all the arts and craft shows and ate so much food and rode all the rides even the dinosaur roller coaster one. but i kept going and i let it slip me by.
maybe... i'll try and go tomorrow. if i have time.
I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
Where I would impress you with every single word I said
It would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
And you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time you need me
I'd be there every time
But for now I'll look so longingly waiting
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me