much more since then
oh my..since the last journal entry alot more had happen with that whole fucked up situation. I think i am starting to realize now that things could never really work between us.
a month or two ago i went to his house after not really talking for a while and i ended up staying the night..once again, nothing happened between us, we just slept on the couch together (im going to add that this was all him, he asked if he could "just hold me") anyway..after all that i called him one night while he was with his girlfriend and she called me and tried to run her mouth. I then call john to see if he was with her and then he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore, his relationship with her was more important.
i was crushed and it really hurt for a while. now just recently, i called his grandmother ( her and i talk on the phone like every week). and he answered and i asked if she was there and what not...i hang up and two seconds later my phone rang and it was him.."i'm sorry for being an asshole." this is all after he and his girlfriend broke up for the millionth time. so i expected it.
now though i think i can get past the fact that he only keeps me around because he needs to know there still is a girl that truely cares but just doesnt want to be with her. and honestly i think i kind of understand that their relationship was routine to him, he was used to it. and yes i did want to be the girl that could change him if she showed she loved him enough he wouldnt cheat and be a dick, but he has to want to do that himself. i know that either way it would be the same as it is with his girlfriend, he would treat me like shit and i would be done with him in a week. so really, im over the fact that he doesnt want to be with me. i can look back and see it as a lesson learned. dont mess with assholes who have stupid girlfriends.
so any single nice guys out there?
a month or two ago i went to his house after not really talking for a while and i ended up staying the night..once again, nothing happened between us, we just slept on the couch together (im going to add that this was all him, he asked if he could "just hold me") anyway..after all that i called him one night while he was with his girlfriend and she called me and tried to run her mouth. I then call john to see if he was with her and then he said he didnt want to talk to me anymore, his relationship with her was more important.
i was crushed and it really hurt for a while. now just recently, i called his grandmother ( her and i talk on the phone like every week). and he answered and i asked if she was there and what not...i hang up and two seconds later my phone rang and it was him.."i'm sorry for being an asshole." this is all after he and his girlfriend broke up for the millionth time. so i expected it.
now though i think i can get past the fact that he only keeps me around because he needs to know there still is a girl that truely cares but just doesnt want to be with her. and honestly i think i kind of understand that their relationship was routine to him, he was used to it. and yes i did want to be the girl that could change him if she showed she loved him enough he wouldnt cheat and be a dick, but he has to want to do that himself. i know that either way it would be the same as it is with his girlfriend, he would treat me like shit and i would be done with him in a week. so really, im over the fact that he doesnt want to be with me. i can look back and see it as a lesson learned. dont mess with assholes who have stupid girlfriends.
so any single nice guys out there?