Not sure how to feel
I now work at "that fish place" I'm a fish room associate. They sell coral, sponges, sea anemones ,eels, and all the way down to angel fish. It's hard to try to learn everything but it's a lot of fun. I'm actually excited about work I mean if you set aside being nerves. I actually had an interview there for stock but as we walked out I mentioned the fish room was my favorite place. The next day they hired me full time! So yea it was awesome.
I guess now that I've come a bit more to terms with Lukes death I've been able to actually see him in my dreams when he shows up. Every time I had a dream with him in it there was always something there blocking his face. But now I get to see him for a little bit. I still miss him he's still on my mind but I'd rather that then to forget him.
I never get to see Steve much now because I go to work when he just gets home to bed. For instance he goes to bed around 7am I get up for work at 8am. By the time I get home he's getting up for work. So yea this sucks. I'm hoping to talk to the supervisor to get one of the three days off that Steve's off. I've gotten a lot more into Coheed and Cambria now thanks to Luke and Jenny =)
I found out my old neighbor Klepfer is getting sicker. She 87 this November the sweetest old lady you'd meet. I use to go see every week and watch wheel of fortune with her. She lived down the street from me when I use to live in Orlando. I miss her so much. Well I talked to her on my break yesterday and found out she's been sick for a while now and that she has cancer....She said it should shrink but she's been on chemo and radiation for 3 months now...since I moved. I'm saving every dime now no more splurging. Steve told me if she get's worse to go see her for as long as my job will let. Steve's going to drive me down there since he has Wednesday morning to Saturday night off. Then he fly back home. I'm hoping the cancer does go away I love her I always call her my adopted grandmother. She's always been a healthy lady she's had her bad weeks but she still drives and goes shopping. She's amazing unlike my real grandmother who's been very sick for a long time now. I hate it because I cant contact my real grandmother and I don't know how much longer she has. Now my adopted Grandmother is getting sick and I cant be there for either of them...But it seems I've never been able to be near anyone thats left.
Life really gets me down sometimes things start to look up and then bam something smacks me in the face. I finally start to get better I stop crying randomly so much. The heartache becomes easier to handle and then another person I love is suffering. If there is a higher being out there watching, testing us what is it trying to tell me. That I'm not allowed to have anyone to close to me...I'm not sure what it is but it's driving me nuts and I'm sick of putting all this stress on Steve.
I want to call my mother I wish she didnt hate me. I wish they all weren't drunk druggies. I'm home sick I miss Florida this week is definitely one of my bad mood swings...
I guess now that I've come a bit more to terms with Lukes death I've been able to actually see him in my dreams when he shows up. Every time I had a dream with him in it there was always something there blocking his face. But now I get to see him for a little bit. I still miss him he's still on my mind but I'd rather that then to forget him.
I never get to see Steve much now because I go to work when he just gets home to bed. For instance he goes to bed around 7am I get up for work at 8am. By the time I get home he's getting up for work. So yea this sucks. I'm hoping to talk to the supervisor to get one of the three days off that Steve's off. I've gotten a lot more into Coheed and Cambria now thanks to Luke and Jenny =)
I found out my old neighbor Klepfer is getting sicker. She 87 this November the sweetest old lady you'd meet. I use to go see every week and watch wheel of fortune with her. She lived down the street from me when I use to live in Orlando. I miss her so much. Well I talked to her on my break yesterday and found out she's been sick for a while now and that she has cancer....She said it should shrink but she's been on chemo and radiation for 3 months now...since I moved. I'm saving every dime now no more splurging. Steve told me if she get's worse to go see her for as long as my job will let. Steve's going to drive me down there since he has Wednesday morning to Saturday night off. Then he fly back home. I'm hoping the cancer does go away I love her I always call her my adopted grandmother. She's always been a healthy lady she's had her bad weeks but she still drives and goes shopping. She's amazing unlike my real grandmother who's been very sick for a long time now. I hate it because I cant contact my real grandmother and I don't know how much longer she has. Now my adopted Grandmother is getting sick and I cant be there for either of them...But it seems I've never been able to be near anyone thats left.
Life really gets me down sometimes things start to look up and then bam something smacks me in the face. I finally start to get better I stop crying randomly so much. The heartache becomes easier to handle and then another person I love is suffering. If there is a higher being out there watching, testing us what is it trying to tell me. That I'm not allowed to have anyone to close to me...I'm not sure what it is but it's driving me nuts and I'm sick of putting all this stress on Steve.
I want to call my mother I wish she didnt hate me. I wish they all weren't drunk druggies. I'm home sick I miss Florida this week is definitely one of my bad mood swings...