update

[l0ser18]

I am writing this entry on my NEW LAPTOP! It's a mac. It is really exciting. I'm still getting used to the fact that there's no right click and I don't have spider solitaire but I think it's worth it. Everything is really nice but it's really weird to not totally know what I'm doing

Comments

[eyefragment]

"So I realized yesterday that I think the reason I don't write in my livejournal that often is because I have a lot of trouble putting what I want to say into words. I can use my face and my voice to tell a story, but when it comes to words, I am always at a loss. What made me realize it was this boy. He understands and enjoys using language. And when we talk online, he'll say such nice things and all I can say back is "cool" or "aww" or "oh that's so sweet." And it bothers me because there is so much I want to say but I just can't say it because I don't know how. And if I can't carry on a simple conversation, how am I supposed to write a whole journal entry?"

That's funny. I work the other way around. When I'm online, I always feel comfortable and capable of saying far more things than I do in real life. Online, I not only have all day to plan out exactly what I'm going to say, but can also change my statements on the fly if I haven't submitted them. I had always assumed that everyone else worked the same way. As a result, when I find myself doing 80% of the chat in an online conversation, I tend to assume that the person is uninterested in the conversation and/or distracted.

In real life, on the other hand, I don't have the time and precision that the internet provides. While I'm thinking about some specific phrasing, an awkward silence tends to develop and kill the conversation completely. It also doesn't help that my face and voice are definitely _not_ good at telling the story that I want to tell. As a result, people often assume that _I_ am uninterested talking to them in real life. In truth, this is rarely the case. I'm usually very explicit when I don't want to talk to someone.

I'll have to keep your comments in mind in my future online conversations...

[l0ser18]

I have a feeling most people are like that. I'm just really not a language person. The words I say online and in person are normally pretty similar just because it's whatever comes to mind. I do like being able to edit, though.
I think a lot of it for me is that I do a lot of acting, so I really have to learn to use my facial expressions and tone of voice to convey the lines that I'm saying. And when I'm acting, I'm never at a loss for words if I have lines. And if I'm just in the background, I still have to remain responsive without speaking so that I don't gain too much focus from the people speaking in the scene yet I still have to seem like I'm actively involved.
Also in person, if somebody says something and I can't think of the words to say back, I can still respond by using a facial expression or something. Online that really doesn't work so I find myself with more silences. They're less awkward for sure, but they're more unwanted.