longggggggggg entry
This entry I dunno if it's worth reading or not but chyeah.
So I've been grounded from the computer since Saturday night. The only reason I'm not getting it back is because my mom will bitch out my dad. I'm not really sure why I'm grounded. I'm not sure of much anymore. The only thing I am sure of is that I'm becoming more and more depressed. Also that everyone in my house hates themselves to a point. For my mom she spends all her time wallowing in self pity and claims that no one appreciates her and that she works too long of hours. Both of which she could change but doesn't. She spends her time complaining about everything. My sister's boyfriend, me, work, her own best friend, one of my friends, and about my dad trying to have a life. She complains so much that everyone tries to run from it. Her goal is to make us unhappy because of the fact that she is. And that's not fair. My dad I think hates himself or maybe just my mom because he's always finding reasons to be gone when she's around. Because when anyone's with her they fight. Me hating myself, well that's a bit obvious because I contemplate hurting myself all the time. My eating habits also show it. And my view of my looks and everything. If I even think I look good I make those thoughts go away. Because I just feel I'm not good enough for anyone. I fail at many things. Everything I do I question just how long it'll be before I fuck it up too. But aside from this I might as well write about what I've been doing.
Saturday the 8th I believe I had Allie over. We just hung out and watched movies. Then Ashley said she wanted to come over and bring her ex boyfriend Quill so they came over too. We were all hanging out and having a great time. I love Quill to death. He's awesome and we used to be good friends when I went to Hendersonville. We all laid on the trampoline, went to Taylor's and played with the animals, and then hung out in my room and played around with each other. After that we were making food when my mom came home. She flipped because I had a guy in the house. But she had told me over the phone him coming over was fine. Then she flipped. So Quill was on the computer and Allie, Ashley, and I just kept walking around the house. I had went outside and the next thing I know Cary and Jimmy are walking into my yard. So I was like well okay so Ash and I went on a walk with them. We stayed gone till it was dark. When we came back to my house Allie and Quill had gone home so we went and laid on the trampoline. Police were in the fields with microphones and it scared the shit out of us. Well me especially. So we took Cary and Jimmy to Lindsey's and then Ash and I just hung out. We eventually went to sleep.
Sunday Cary and Jimmy came back over for just a bit to get their bikes. We hung out with them for maybe an hour. Then they left and we cleaned Scar. After a while we went to Baybrees to celebrate my dad's birthday which was on Thursday. Ash and I didn't eat much since the food sanitary rating thing was like a 90. And I don't eat unless it's a 93. A guy working there we recognized from main street and he's probably like 40 and he kept staring at us. When we saw him on main street he had just gotten out of jail and everything. So when I realized who he was I told Ashley and we got the keys and sat in the car. I ended up getting a horrible migraine and thought I was going to be sick. When my parents got to the car we went to my aunt's house because that's where we were having the cake. When we got there Ash and I went upstairs and hung out then we changed and went into the hot tub. It was a really nice hot tub. It had speakers and we were listening to music and everything. Pretty awesome. We didn't want to get out but the chlorine was killing us. So when we left we came back home and just hung out.
Monday Cary and Jimmy came over once again. We all watched Rent which is an awesome movie. They weren't that into it but atleast they sat there with us which I didn't really expect to happen. So after watching almost all of that we went outside into the fields. Ash and Jimmy sat on this bench type thing and Cary and I went off on our own for a while. Soooo that was fun then we snuck up on Ash and Jimmy and they were just laying there. It was so cute. We all hung out and decided to go in the water. Everyone pretty much got fully wet. My skirt was soaked and my shirt was and just everything. It got cold so Cary and I went back up to start a fire in the fire place but we didn't know where the lighter was. It was funny though cause I kept messing with Cary and driving him crazy. Good times good times. So he eventually was like okay lets go look for paper so we went and "looked". lol. But that search was fun and exciting. We all ended up heading home once Cary and I came back and they had to leave soon. Ash and I tried going to the movies and my dad said well ask your mom cause I can't do anything for you without her permission so I tried calling her probably a hundred times. So we walked Cary and Jimmy to the end of the road and then went our seperate ways. Got back home and when my mom came home asked if we could go and she said she didn't care but my dad was being an asshole and goes well no I don't feel like taking you anywhere and I was like but you said you would and he claimed he hadn't when he had. So I got really pissed off and we tried everything to go to the movies but my parents made it impossible. So when Ashley's mom came and got her I went with them. I could not stay at my house. So I stayed the night at Ashley's for the first time even though I've known her three years. We sat online and played with her animals. Because she has three dogs, a cat, and two guinea pigs. Some shit got started online with some guy and then Jessica Cary's ex started her whole comment Cary everyday and seem obsessed thing again and that really pissed me off. I don't know why but everytime I see a comment left by her I get really pissed off. Because I know she misses being with Cary and I know she wants him back. So that annoyed me and so did this guy Chris that she knows. But after that happening and then talking to Cary Ash, Jessica(step sister), and I went downstairs and watched The Skeleton Key. It was an awesome movie. I loved it a lot. But like everyone fell asleep during it but me and I was sitting there and saw a spider and trying to not scream or freak out was really hard. But I just sat there hoping it didn't come near me. When the movie was over I woke everyone up and we migrated back upstairs. Ash and Jess fell asleep but I laid there. I have weird sleep habits. Eventually I fell asleep though.
Tuesday I woke up on and off at Ashley's and finally woke up for good at like 11. I felt like shit and I was like not coooool. So eventually we started moving and I got online and talked to Cary for a bit. I sent him a message telling him stuff and I s'pose he liked it which is good. Because I like making him happy. Started my damn period which fucking sucks. Because I felt like shit the whole time at Ashley's and we just laid around. Then she came back home with me and we once again laid around at my house. I felt so bad it was ridiculous. We laid in my bed and tried watching Rent but fell asleep. We woke up at like 7:30 and Allie called and I was like well I've slept the whole day away pretty much. Then Ash and I wanted to go to the movies even though I still felt like well, shit. Ash had said to me "Haha now nothing can go in your vagina" and I was like grr shut up. lol. So that was nice she was beginning the torture for a week but in a friendly way of course. lol. So anyways we asked my mom about the movies and she said she'd take us to one if we could find one that started before 9. Well we did and she was like fine I'll take you. We get in the car and she just starts bitching about everything. She bitched the whole way there and I got sick of it so I finally said something back. So as we were right in front of the movie theatre she decides to turn the fuck around and not let us go. I almost jumped out of the car. I got so pissed off I almost cussed her out right there. So we take Ashley home and after we had left the movie theatre my mom didn't bitch again. It's bullshit that she made us be miserable the whole ride there then when she gets what she really wants she shuts up. So the car ride home was long. I just sat there staring at stuff and hating everything. Got home did whatever and talked to a few people. I talked to Cary for a lil bit while he was at Jimmy's and that was awesome. My boyfriend's really great and there's things that he does and says that let me know he cares a lot about me. I don't even think he realizes when he does it. But this is my long ass entry that maybe like two people will read but that's okay.
Oh yah and today is the 12th of July soooo Cary and I have been going out for a month! wooooo. It feels like so much longer than that.
[.Girl Confessions.]
[x] I'm not easy
[x] I do wear make-up
[x] I wear a bra to bed
[x] I wear toe nail polish
[ ] Its pink
[x] I wear finger nail polish
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I've purposely talked to a guy my boyfriend didnt like
[x] I love chocolate
[x] Getting flowers still makes me smile especially for no reason
[ ] I've wrecked a car.
[x] I love Victoria's Secret
[ ] and Cosmopolitan.
[ ] I can't put mascara on without opening my mouth
[x] I'd do just about anything for a special guy
[x] I love cuddling
[x] Johnny Depp is sexy
[x] Gotten Detention
[] I hate camping
[x] I hate bugs
[ ] I don't smile with teeth.
[ ] I own 'chicken cutlets' for my bra
[x] I love to laugh
[x] I've flashed/mooned someone/some people
[ ] I like rap
[x] I own something from Hollister
[ ] I cry if I can't carry a purse
[ ] I've been called a party girl
[ ] I carry my cellphone at all times
[ ] I smoke cigarettes
[ ] I own a spice girls CD
[x] I'm a sucker for green eyes & puppies
[x] I don't trust people easily
[X] I own a Britney Spears CD
[ ] I play hard to get
[ ] football is boring
[ ] I have a tampon in my purse
[x] I like athletic boys
[x] I like skater boys
[x] Sweet guys are better than hot guys
[X] I prefer sweet hot guys
[x] I've been called a tease
[x] Lip gloss is WAAAAY better than lipstick!
[] I can't leave the house without makeup
[x] I play video games, even when there are other people around
[x] I can be wild and crazy
[x] I straighten my hair
[ ] I curl my hair
[x] I really want to be with a certain someone right now
[ ] Im heartbroken right now by a certain boy
So I've been grounded from the computer since Saturday night. The only reason I'm not getting it back is because my mom will bitch out my dad. I'm not really sure why I'm grounded. I'm not sure of much anymore. The only thing I am sure of is that I'm becoming more and more depressed. Also that everyone in my house hates themselves to a point. For my mom she spends all her time wallowing in self pity and claims that no one appreciates her and that she works too long of hours. Both of which she could change but doesn't. She spends her time complaining about everything. My sister's boyfriend, me, work, her own best friend, one of my friends, and about my dad trying to have a life. She complains so much that everyone tries to run from it. Her goal is to make us unhappy because of the fact that she is. And that's not fair. My dad I think hates himself or maybe just my mom because he's always finding reasons to be gone when she's around. Because when anyone's with her they fight. Me hating myself, well that's a bit obvious because I contemplate hurting myself all the time. My eating habits also show it. And my view of my looks and everything. If I even think I look good I make those thoughts go away. Because I just feel I'm not good enough for anyone. I fail at many things. Everything I do I question just how long it'll be before I fuck it up too. But aside from this I might as well write about what I've been doing.
Saturday the 8th I believe I had Allie over. We just hung out and watched movies. Then Ashley said she wanted to come over and bring her ex boyfriend Quill so they came over too. We were all hanging out and having a great time. I love Quill to death. He's awesome and we used to be good friends when I went to Hendersonville. We all laid on the trampoline, went to Taylor's and played with the animals, and then hung out in my room and played around with each other. After that we were making food when my mom came home. She flipped because I had a guy in the house. But she had told me over the phone him coming over was fine. Then she flipped. So Quill was on the computer and Allie, Ashley, and I just kept walking around the house. I had went outside and the next thing I know Cary and Jimmy are walking into my yard. So I was like well okay so Ash and I went on a walk with them. We stayed gone till it was dark. When we came back to my house Allie and Quill had gone home so we went and laid on the trampoline. Police were in the fields with microphones and it scared the shit out of us. Well me especially. So we took Cary and Jimmy to Lindsey's and then Ash and I just hung out. We eventually went to sleep.
Sunday Cary and Jimmy came back over for just a bit to get their bikes. We hung out with them for maybe an hour. Then they left and we cleaned Scar. After a while we went to Baybrees to celebrate my dad's birthday which was on Thursday. Ash and I didn't eat much since the food sanitary rating thing was like a 90. And I don't eat unless it's a 93. A guy working there we recognized from main street and he's probably like 40 and he kept staring at us. When we saw him on main street he had just gotten out of jail and everything. So when I realized who he was I told Ashley and we got the keys and sat in the car. I ended up getting a horrible migraine and thought I was going to be sick. When my parents got to the car we went to my aunt's house because that's where we were having the cake. When we got there Ash and I went upstairs and hung out then we changed and went into the hot tub. It was a really nice hot tub. It had speakers and we were listening to music and everything. Pretty awesome. We didn't want to get out but the chlorine was killing us. So when we left we came back home and just hung out.
Monday Cary and Jimmy came over once again. We all watched Rent which is an awesome movie. They weren't that into it but atleast they sat there with us which I didn't really expect to happen. So after watching almost all of that we went outside into the fields. Ash and Jimmy sat on this bench type thing and Cary and I went off on our own for a while. Soooo that was fun then we snuck up on Ash and Jimmy and they were just laying there. It was so cute. We all hung out and decided to go in the water. Everyone pretty much got fully wet. My skirt was soaked and my shirt was and just everything. It got cold so Cary and I went back up to start a fire in the fire place but we didn't know where the lighter was. It was funny though cause I kept messing with Cary and driving him crazy. Good times good times. So he eventually was like okay lets go look for paper so we went and "looked". lol. But that search was fun and exciting. We all ended up heading home once Cary and I came back and they had to leave soon. Ash and I tried going to the movies and my dad said well ask your mom cause I can't do anything for you without her permission so I tried calling her probably a hundred times. So we walked Cary and Jimmy to the end of the road and then went our seperate ways. Got back home and when my mom came home asked if we could go and she said she didn't care but my dad was being an asshole and goes well no I don't feel like taking you anywhere and I was like but you said you would and he claimed he hadn't when he had. So I got really pissed off and we tried everything to go to the movies but my parents made it impossible. So when Ashley's mom came and got her I went with them. I could not stay at my house. So I stayed the night at Ashley's for the first time even though I've known her three years. We sat online and played with her animals. Because she has three dogs, a cat, and two guinea pigs. Some shit got started online with some guy and then Jessica Cary's ex started her whole comment Cary everyday and seem obsessed thing again and that really pissed me off. I don't know why but everytime I see a comment left by her I get really pissed off. Because I know she misses being with Cary and I know she wants him back. So that annoyed me and so did this guy Chris that she knows. But after that happening and then talking to Cary Ash, Jessica(step sister), and I went downstairs and watched The Skeleton Key. It was an awesome movie. I loved it a lot. But like everyone fell asleep during it but me and I was sitting there and saw a spider and trying to not scream or freak out was really hard. But I just sat there hoping it didn't come near me. When the movie was over I woke everyone up and we migrated back upstairs. Ash and Jess fell asleep but I laid there. I have weird sleep habits. Eventually I fell asleep though.
Tuesday I woke up on and off at Ashley's and finally woke up for good at like 11. I felt like shit and I was like not coooool. So eventually we started moving and I got online and talked to Cary for a bit. I sent him a message telling him stuff and I s'pose he liked it which is good. Because I like making him happy. Started my damn period which fucking sucks. Because I felt like shit the whole time at Ashley's and we just laid around. Then she came back home with me and we once again laid around at my house. I felt so bad it was ridiculous. We laid in my bed and tried watching Rent but fell asleep. We woke up at like 7:30 and Allie called and I was like well I've slept the whole day away pretty much. Then Ash and I wanted to go to the movies even though I still felt like well, shit. Ash had said to me "Haha now nothing can go in your vagina" and I was like grr shut up. lol. So that was nice she was beginning the torture for a week but in a friendly way of course. lol. So anyways we asked my mom about the movies and she said she'd take us to one if we could find one that started before 9. Well we did and she was like fine I'll take you. We get in the car and she just starts bitching about everything. She bitched the whole way there and I got sick of it so I finally said something back. So as we were right in front of the movie theatre she decides to turn the fuck around and not let us go. I almost jumped out of the car. I got so pissed off I almost cussed her out right there. So we take Ashley home and after we had left the movie theatre my mom didn't bitch again. It's bullshit that she made us be miserable the whole ride there then when she gets what she really wants she shuts up. So the car ride home was long. I just sat there staring at stuff and hating everything. Got home did whatever and talked to a few people. I talked to Cary for a lil bit while he was at Jimmy's and that was awesome. My boyfriend's really great and there's things that he does and says that let me know he cares a lot about me. I don't even think he realizes when he does it. But this is my long ass entry that maybe like two people will read but that's okay.
Oh yah and today is the 12th of July soooo Cary and I have been going out for a month! wooooo. It feels like so much longer than that.
[.Girl Confessions.]
[x] I'm not easy
[x] I do wear make-up
[x] I wear a bra to bed
[x] I wear toe nail polish
[ ] Its pink
[x] I wear finger nail polish
[x] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I've purposely talked to a guy my boyfriend didnt like
[x] I love chocolate
[x] Getting flowers still makes me smile especially for no reason
[ ] I've wrecked a car.
[x] I love Victoria's Secret
[ ] and Cosmopolitan.
[ ] I can't put mascara on without opening my mouth
[x] I'd do just about anything for a special guy
[x] I love cuddling
[x] Johnny Depp is sexy
[x] Gotten Detention
[] I hate camping
[x] I hate bugs
[ ] I don't smile with teeth.
[ ] I own 'chicken cutlets' for my bra
[x] I love to laugh
[x] I've flashed/mooned someone/some people
[ ] I like rap
[x] I own something from Hollister
[ ] I cry if I can't carry a purse
[ ] I've been called a party girl
[ ] I carry my cellphone at all times
[ ] I smoke cigarettes
[ ] I own a spice girls CD
[x] I'm a sucker for green eyes & puppies
[x] I don't trust people easily
[X] I own a Britney Spears CD
[ ] I play hard to get
[ ] football is boring
[ ] I have a tampon in my purse
[x] I like athletic boys
[x] I like skater boys
[x] Sweet guys are better than hot guys
[X] I prefer sweet hot guys
[x] I've been called a tease
[x] Lip gloss is WAAAAY better than lipstick!
[] I can't leave the house without makeup
[x] I play video games, even when there are other people around
[x] I can be wild and crazy
[x] I straighten my hair
[ ] I curl my hair
[x] I really want to be with a certain someone right now
[ ] Im heartbroken right now by a certain boy