In gods words he says that whatever you do in life, it comes back to you 10 times as much
Ive always wondered why I work the way that I do. Why I seem to care about little things. Is it something in my soul? Or maybe...in science..chemicals arent flowing where they should. Ever since I hit the age of 13...I began to study myself, I've become a human test subject to my own research. Ive discovered lying and even love. I have discovered an understanding of the way people work.....that was my biggest mistake. I remember that zambiasi had said that knowing about what is happening and what is waiting for you will help you to dodge the punch of someone coming at you...but did his studies also conclude that sometimes not knowing about the punch can be the safest? I understand what I do wrong and I learn from them...they say that people make mistakes and that todays world of teens believe that they have a higher understanding than adults do. True teens do have a point sometimes..but its just an excuse to get drunk and have sex. Todays world compares this generation of the young as stupid and irresponisble..an article I read in speech class concludes that many teens are pressured with many things today...true..they need jobs..but money? Ive noticed there is no need for money at that type of age for them..the only bills they pay are for a car and an un-needed cell phone. The only pressures they have are created by themselves...true to disagree...but I can relate to constan put downs as well as harrasmsment (parents,friends,etc). The only purpose of a car is to save yourself from getting fit. A friend may live a long ways away but hey whatever, why do you have friends that live so far away anyway? you live a certain way from school but cant you walk? or even take the bus?Why bother arguing with this anyway..my reasoning for having a car is to escape from home..but only to do what? never be home? drink? have sex? goof off?insist your an adult but all you want to do is fuck around? stay home and you wont need a cell phone. God dont even bother to have friends! These are just my thoughts of issues...True my mother was right about a few things including being a teenager is hell but when its over...if my thoughts were visible they would look like a flurry of scribbles whipping around my head. I cant really see anything anyway. I talk about cutting but I never seem to do it..I really want to..Im completely sane but seeing open wounds is just a physical way of reminding myself that "hey your not depressed your just psycho"..hah..psycho..how many times Ive been claled that...I guess you have to do what I do and see it through my eyes to see why I deny these things. Funny how I can just hack people to bits sometimes..sometimes I even like it. If someone wants to hurt me I'll hurt them, its become that way. Blood for blood correct? I used to want to be there for everyone and i still do but now Ive realised.."why be there if they are just going to wreck me?" I guess thats why Im so pissy to every one now. You talk about me..Ill talk about you...if you have a problem wiht me why did you come into my life? why act like you care if you dont really care at all? Maybe I am controlling. Maybe I AM...but if its controlling..well maybe thats your label. Is it really controlling if yuor just afraid? am i controlling if why i tell you not to do something if that it will scare me? is it wrong that i say dont do this dont do that and Ill feel better? im controlling but its okay for you to tell anyone everything? I call you a bitch and im an enemy of the world but you tell someone im uncomfortable with you being around lots of guys your a god? I cant talk to one female without there being a problem but you talk to 3 and its okay? Is any of this even happening? does everyone change just becuase of me? Im a controllng just for being afraid when I warn you of the way I am? who says that what you say about me is even right? can you act your own age and worry about your own quote quote "horrible life". If your life is so horrible then why do you make others feel like shit? maybe your protecting someone..but who says they are right? maybe they shared very vaulable thigns with you and youve spent a life time with them but at any given moment thewy will stab you in the back...this discussion is over for now...