First post in forever
It's painful to look at the lasy few entries. I remember how bad that was. Recovering from a painful birth, dealing with my ex's gambling debts and addiction.
It's years later.
I'm divorced.
Two kids on my own.
Still in the Coast Guard.
In a similar but different relationship.
And feeling like I've lost so many years off my life to that mess of a marriage.
My confidence and self esteem are still reeling.
I want to say in stronger and better off... I am better off.... but I feel permanently damaged.
I feel like I've lost almost everything that matters in my life. That feeling of loss is heavy. My relationships, my dreams, my finances, even the skills I spent so many yearsdeveloping have atrophied.
I realize that self pity doesn't help anyone. I am Always striving forward and print my best foot out there. My headway feels meager.
Maybe next year I will finally feel like I have arrived.
In the meantime, I think I will try to relish in those beautiful little girls of mine, and keep front top be better and find the next opportunity.