where have I been/Why can't I sleep
Its been so long. In the years since I have kept this updated I have gone through some dramatic life changes. I moved to Colorado for a boy, had a painful breakup with said boy, struggled to recover financially to get back to Michigan and back into school, met a new boy, tried easing my way into school with an online class, nearly got evicted because that class was so damn expensive, had a massive conflict with the professor which ultimately led to me failing that class, ex-boy flirted and tried to break me up with new boy, new boy went to Iraq, ex-boy played romantic for like a day and then thought better of it, finally had enough money/the right circumstances to move home, moved back to Michigan, gained 20 pounds, started taking classes again, had car die mid-semester while commuting an hour to classes, had to buy a new car, new car died 1 month later, failed classes because I couldnt make the commute and it was too late to drop them, new boy visited from Iraq and bought me a junker, repeatedly tried to get jobs and failed, moved in with my dad, began working out like a crazy person, lost 30 pounds, joined the coast guard, lost 10 more pounds in bootcamp, new boy came home from Iraq two days after I got out of bootcamp, new boy got out of army, proposed, one week later he knocked me up, nine miserable months later, we had our daughter with the best disposition a parent could ask for, went to A-school, got my for real real Coast Guard job, got stationed in Detroit, and here we are...
My daughter is almost one. My family is just begun. Im home, or close to it. Im taking online classes for free thanks to tuition assistance, I will have one of the two degrees I have been pursuing for the last ten years before I get out of the Coast Guard. I don't know if I will pursue the other degree or simply try to get into grad school when I am out. (I don't even know if I will be getting out.) I also don't know if any grad school on earth would take me, my grades the way they were for a few years. Oliver and I plan on getting married September 23, 2011. Hopefully we will be able to afford the honeymoon we are daydreaming about. Oliver will be starting classes this semester with his GI bill. I have innumerable opportunities in front of me. I regularly look despondently back at my past. I often miss the carefree relaxed girl I once was. I am slowly coming to peace with myself and slowly repairing the damaged walls of my psyche. I don't think about it much, but my assault in 2003 still plays a huge role in my day to day behavior. I don't think being in the military helps it much. I think I have a very high strung and nervous demeanor now. My newest challenge is finding the balance between being the parent and family I have in my head and the carefree creative independent spontaneous girl I miss.
Anyhow, I think I might be able to sleep now. So Ima try it.
My daughter is almost one. My family is just begun. Im home, or close to it. Im taking online classes for free thanks to tuition assistance, I will have one of the two degrees I have been pursuing for the last ten years before I get out of the Coast Guard. I don't know if I will pursue the other degree or simply try to get into grad school when I am out. (I don't even know if I will be getting out.) I also don't know if any grad school on earth would take me, my grades the way they were for a few years. Oliver and I plan on getting married September 23, 2011. Hopefully we will be able to afford the honeymoon we are daydreaming about. Oliver will be starting classes this semester with his GI bill. I have innumerable opportunities in front of me. I regularly look despondently back at my past. I often miss the carefree relaxed girl I once was. I am slowly coming to peace with myself and slowly repairing the damaged walls of my psyche. I don't think about it much, but my assault in 2003 still plays a huge role in my day to day behavior. I don't think being in the military helps it much. I think I have a very high strung and nervous demeanor now. My newest challenge is finding the balance between being the parent and family I have in my head and the carefree creative independent spontaneous girl I miss.
Anyhow, I think I might be able to sleep now. So Ima try it.