WELL THEN....
Breaking news! The Poop Angel (that's me, for those who for some reason didn't know that. kyuuhitenshi? poop angel? y'know?) really IS a Poop Angel! Eww!
I had to go to the ER like...all day today. I woke up this morning in the most pain I'd ever felt in my life (no joke D:) in my ovary-ish area. This was NOT cramps. I couldn't walk, I collapsed on the bathroom floor, I was rendered completely unable to move, my whole body was shivering rapidly, and the scariest pain ever crept up from the area it began in to the very top of my body. I felt paralyzed. I tried to throw up but I couldn't hold myself above the toilet so I just stayed on the floor...I couldn't even cough even though I really needed to. It hurt too much.
My mom and Jim took me to the ER and they ran a bunch of tests on me, with x-rays and such. When the x-ray results came in....I learned that I was full of shit. FULL OF SHIT. My entire torso below the chest is like...completely full of poop.
What we learned is that my colon is kindasorta REALLY SCREWED UP. Apparently it's working extremely sluggishly, and although there's nothing in there blocking anything, it's moving too slowly. See, for the past few months I've been having massive poop that's been clogging all the toilets (first thing I did when I got to Virginia was CLOG THE TOILET), terrible terrible gas (I'm sure some of my closer friends have noticed this), and really bad aches and pains in my...groin-ish region.
Also, for a really long time, I've had a fat, bloated stomach. Duck, remember the filming of the advertisement video with Sensei and how you guys were like "wow. your tummy really is big. Suck it in. :D" when I wore that tight dress? YEAH. I never wear two-piece bathing suits cuz I've been so self-conscious about my tummy, but now at least I know that I DO naturally have a nice body and not a "nice body with ugly stomach". I just need to clean my system out.
To do so, Dr. Conyers says I'll need to have a colonoscopy done. For those who don't know what a colonoscopy is, that means they're going to stick a tube up my butt and up into my large intestine. Kinda crappy. CRAPPY. HAHAHA. GET IT? ....hah. I'm also going to need to take massive laxative-type things, but WORSE. I plan to do that on Winter Break; he recommends I wait that long because he doesn't want me to take it while in school. It'll send the puu splurging quickly out of my system and I won't have much time to ask "CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM, MR. COLLINS?" because it'll come out...and fast. Nevertheless, I'll still have to do it during school because the two weeks of Winter Break won't be enough time.
So....basically my colon is bloated to enormous sizes and I've got poop all over me, but at least now I know it's not ovarian cancer like we suspected. I didn't want to say anything, but I did have all the symptoms of that, so I was pretty scared. NO FEMALE PROBLEMS. YAY. But poop problems....bleh. I guess it's natural for the Poop Angel to be poopy, right? I'm also full of gas. Lotsa gas. The x-ray looked scary.
I'm still feeling pretty crappy (LOL). I just hope nothing goes wrong at FLC. That pain this morning...that was worse than anything I've ever felt. D:
Kyuuhitenshi. Kyuuhitenshi indeed.
I had to go to the ER like...all day today. I woke up this morning in the most pain I'd ever felt in my life (no joke D:) in my ovary-ish area. This was NOT cramps. I couldn't walk, I collapsed on the bathroom floor, I was rendered completely unable to move, my whole body was shivering rapidly, and the scariest pain ever crept up from the area it began in to the very top of my body. I felt paralyzed. I tried to throw up but I couldn't hold myself above the toilet so I just stayed on the floor...I couldn't even cough even though I really needed to. It hurt too much.
My mom and Jim took me to the ER and they ran a bunch of tests on me, with x-rays and such. When the x-ray results came in....I learned that I was full of shit. FULL OF SHIT. My entire torso below the chest is like...completely full of poop.
What we learned is that my colon is kindasorta REALLY SCREWED UP. Apparently it's working extremely sluggishly, and although there's nothing in there blocking anything, it's moving too slowly. See, for the past few months I've been having massive poop that's been clogging all the toilets (first thing I did when I got to Virginia was CLOG THE TOILET), terrible terrible gas (I'm sure some of my closer friends have noticed this), and really bad aches and pains in my...groin-ish region.
Also, for a really long time, I've had a fat, bloated stomach. Duck, remember the filming of the advertisement video with Sensei and how you guys were like "wow. your tummy really is big. Suck it in. :D" when I wore that tight dress? YEAH. I never wear two-piece bathing suits cuz I've been so self-conscious about my tummy, but now at least I know that I DO naturally have a nice body and not a "nice body with ugly stomach". I just need to clean my system out.
To do so, Dr. Conyers says I'll need to have a colonoscopy done. For those who don't know what a colonoscopy is, that means they're going to stick a tube up my butt and up into my large intestine. Kinda crappy. CRAPPY. HAHAHA. GET IT? ....hah. I'm also going to need to take massive laxative-type things, but WORSE. I plan to do that on Winter Break; he recommends I wait that long because he doesn't want me to take it while in school. It'll send the puu splurging quickly out of my system and I won't have much time to ask "CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM, MR. COLLINS?" because it'll come out...and fast. Nevertheless, I'll still have to do it during school because the two weeks of Winter Break won't be enough time.
So....basically my colon is bloated to enormous sizes and I've got poop all over me, but at least now I know it's not ovarian cancer like we suspected. I didn't want to say anything, but I did have all the symptoms of that, so I was pretty scared. NO FEMALE PROBLEMS. YAY. But poop problems....bleh. I guess it's natural for the Poop Angel to be poopy, right? I'm also full of gas. Lotsa gas. The x-ray looked scary.
I'm still feeling pretty crappy (LOL). I just hope nothing goes wrong at FLC. That pain this morning...that was worse than anything I've ever felt. D:
Kyuuhitenshi. Kyuuhitenshi indeed.