(no subject)
so here i am, sitting in my room with 20 minutes before i have to go to work. i haven't eaten anything yet today & it's past 3 pm. lots of stuf's happened in the last couple of weeks. i'm really not sure on how i'm going to sort it all out. i've had some life changing advice that really shouldn't be so life changing. i see things every so slightly differently, but it's enough to change my entire perception on the world and i'm not quite sure what to do with it. i mean i was pretty sure that i would really figure out life, like i had a firm grasp on what it could really throw at me. i was sure of it. it made a liar out of me. it threw me something i already knew but didn't comprehend. piece number 1:
me: i have a hard time finding any one with similar interestes
katie (my boss at best buy): well you don't have to have all the same interests
me: i know
katie: like ryan and me, he wants to go to an airforce museum, i don't want to go but if he wants to go i'll go with him
me: that's nice
katie: people change when the date another person. it just happens.
*realization*
so it was an interesting conversation. i wasn't witty. i wasn't the devil's advocate. i bearly said anything, but it just hit me. you really can't find someone to be with and not change. you can't control it. sometimes you'll like it & sometimes you won't. it just happens. something you have to deal with. something you'll live with if you choose.
piece number 2:
so we know that we change if we date someone, but why?
it would be because we're around the person quite a bit.
so then wouldn't we change based on the friends we're around?
more than likely. not only ourselves determine what we're like but who we're around and how we act when we're around them determine who we are.
so then the people we hang out with and those we don't hang out with have an influence in who we are?
yes. they change us simply by being around us. we simply have to find the people that we like to be around and like ourselves when we're around them for us to find friends.
so i've found a really great group of friends and i'm really happy with them but they're so busy that i want more friends, it's just so so hard to meet cool decent people.
piece 3:
me: hello?
greta (is my stepmom): hi! long time no talk! (about 4 months or something crazy like that)
skip a bunch
greta: so here's your dad
dad: hey buddy, how's it going?
jesse: busy busy, you have news?
dad: yeah, pete's not doing too good, we've decided to put him down on thursday.
skip a bunch
greta: my mom's colon cancer is back & she's decided not to treat it. it's in her stomach and lungs.
piece 4:
i've been up and down and all around. about a week ago i was incredibly on. my other livejournal post, i don't remember if it was public or private, who knows. i found a 4 leaf clover, then a 5. got a bear for matt's birthday with a cool double meaning. dodged a cat that was standing in front of my van. so all was going well. i was getting over how NOT cool michelle was, and everything was AWESOME, it was incredibly. so the conservation of emotion theory states that if you're really really high, you have to be really really low for some time. a balance so to speak. so i crashed the following week & the russians pulled me out of it thank god. i'm still reeling from everything but who knows how it'll go. i've been talking to 2 new cool people. hopefully i'll actually get to become friends with at least 1 of them and hang out. one bakes & the other does isshinryu so i'm happy. if they fall through i hope i don't really crash again. it's just been dead over here. don't get to see any one very often, hanging out 3 days a week is doing pretty dang good. so i'm bored & lonely over here. playing video games that are over 10 years old to pass the time, that and working. so you can imagine.
joanne's around as well which doesn't help. mom's friend. imagine a really old annoying hag. now multiply the annoying by the old and hag. you know what you have? OMG RUN AWAY! yes & you can't cause she lives with you, or at least for a while she will.
so it's pretty bad over here. i don't know how i'm mentally & emotionally holding up or for how long i will be doing so. i had always relied on 2 things for support. my own determination and lena. i don't get to see lena as much as i'd like to and that first one seems to be slipping away, so i don't really know what's going to keep me going. it had always been that i had something to look forward to-hanging out with lena, going to karate, playing some video games, but recently it's only been looking forward to things that might not go through... imagine the disappointment when you look forward to something for 2 weeks, build it up because it's the only thing you're looking forward to and it doesn't happen. so all in all i think i'm doing REALLY well with all the crap that poof happens. so i'm off to work now. take it easy all. gimme a call sometime, even if i don't pick up it'll probably be a pick me up.
me: i have a hard time finding any one with similar interestes
katie (my boss at best buy): well you don't have to have all the same interests
me: i know
katie: like ryan and me, he wants to go to an airforce museum, i don't want to go but if he wants to go i'll go with him
me: that's nice
katie: people change when the date another person. it just happens.
*realization*
so it was an interesting conversation. i wasn't witty. i wasn't the devil's advocate. i bearly said anything, but it just hit me. you really can't find someone to be with and not change. you can't control it. sometimes you'll like it & sometimes you won't. it just happens. something you have to deal with. something you'll live with if you choose.
piece number 2:
so we know that we change if we date someone, but why?
it would be because we're around the person quite a bit.
so then wouldn't we change based on the friends we're around?
more than likely. not only ourselves determine what we're like but who we're around and how we act when we're around them determine who we are.
so then the people we hang out with and those we don't hang out with have an influence in who we are?
yes. they change us simply by being around us. we simply have to find the people that we like to be around and like ourselves when we're around them for us to find friends.
so i've found a really great group of friends and i'm really happy with them but they're so busy that i want more friends, it's just so so hard to meet cool decent people.
piece 3:
me: hello?
greta (is my stepmom): hi! long time no talk! (about 4 months or something crazy like that)
skip a bunch
greta: so here's your dad
dad: hey buddy, how's it going?
jesse: busy busy, you have news?
dad: yeah, pete's not doing too good, we've decided to put him down on thursday.
skip a bunch
greta: my mom's colon cancer is back & she's decided not to treat it. it's in her stomach and lungs.
piece 4:
i've been up and down and all around. about a week ago i was incredibly on. my other livejournal post, i don't remember if it was public or private, who knows. i found a 4 leaf clover, then a 5. got a bear for matt's birthday with a cool double meaning. dodged a cat that was standing in front of my van. so all was going well. i was getting over how NOT cool michelle was, and everything was AWESOME, it was incredibly. so the conservation of emotion theory states that if you're really really high, you have to be really really low for some time. a balance so to speak. so i crashed the following week & the russians pulled me out of it thank god. i'm still reeling from everything but who knows how it'll go. i've been talking to 2 new cool people. hopefully i'll actually get to become friends with at least 1 of them and hang out. one bakes & the other does isshinryu so i'm happy. if they fall through i hope i don't really crash again. it's just been dead over here. don't get to see any one very often, hanging out 3 days a week is doing pretty dang good. so i'm bored & lonely over here. playing video games that are over 10 years old to pass the time, that and working. so you can imagine.
joanne's around as well which doesn't help. mom's friend. imagine a really old annoying hag. now multiply the annoying by the old and hag. you know what you have? OMG RUN AWAY! yes & you can't cause she lives with you, or at least for a while she will.
so it's pretty bad over here. i don't know how i'm mentally & emotionally holding up or for how long i will be doing so. i had always relied on 2 things for support. my own determination and lena. i don't get to see lena as much as i'd like to and that first one seems to be slipping away, so i don't really know what's going to keep me going. it had always been that i had something to look forward to-hanging out with lena, going to karate, playing some video games, but recently it's only been looking forward to things that might not go through... imagine the disappointment when you look forward to something for 2 weeks, build it up because it's the only thing you're looking forward to and it doesn't happen. so all in all i think i'm doing REALLY well with all the crap that poof happens. so i'm off to work now. take it easy all. gimme a call sometime, even if i don't pick up it'll probably be a pick me up.